TheComfortCorner | V.9

[Guest]

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[macabrex]

I have been trying to hard for a while to figure my life out. I have always had a very hard time truly fitting in anywhere and I’m always changing my plans and my profession. I am very lucky that I have two people in my life who are supportive through it. And if I’m not doing something everyday that is very productive I feel incredibly bad about myself, and it’s definitely because of the toxic household I grew up in. I hate that my parental figures have given me so much anxiety. I know that I’m going to absolutely need to go to a therapist on my own and get medicine so that I can function correctly and do my job. I have spent so many years masking. And so many years masking ADHD. I am finally putting myself through finalized plans after a lot of switching around, and I really hope my new job works. It’s definitely not an easy one at all and will take a lot of training but I’m preparing myself for it. There will be plenty of people who are going to give me a hard time or are uncontrollable over the phone or are in a crisis. I want to help others and it will definitely be much easier doing so this way.
The college I just started attending locally is so confusing. I don’t know when my biology class actually starts and it is not online. One more thing on the list to figure out and contact somebody about. It is more expensive than I was hoping for but I will find a way to pay for it.
I have gone through so many life changes in such a short period of time. The most ever in my life which is kind of expected at this age I guess. But holy cow is this stressful.

[vi‎ ‎]

x

[chickiro.]

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[Wanheda]

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[Lostfairy]

I don’t really want any DMs about this, I just needed to vent somewhere! Thank you. 💕

It’s so tiring trying to get along with a person. Like I’m trying SO hard, it makes my brain hurt sometimes when I try to think of a way I could get along better with him. But I swear, it’s so hard and I feel like we keep losing ground rather than advancing in our relationship. There’s so much pressure being put on me and people wanting me to get along better with him. And I like him, he’s a great guy. But wow.
No one told me getting along with a sister’s boyfriend would be this hard but my gosh. It’s so tiring. I’m losing hope, honestly. Either I’m talking and hoping he’ll get to know me more but then I find out he wasn’t even listening, he was zoned out, OR he just talks to his gf/my sis and just ignore everyone else. I’m so tired of trying. I know he’s trying too, apparently, but it’s hard to tell. And I bet it looks hard to tell on his end too. Because gosh, I’m bad at expressing myself correctly. Argh. This is hard. I suck.

Like? It’s so hard to be like “oh yay! I think we’ve gotten along better lately!” And then my sis tells me, ahh, nope, he thinks we’ve been worse and that I’m shutting him out and I look bored, etc etc. Gosh, I want to cry. Why do I have a resting face and why do I find it so hard to express myself properly? Without sounding mad? I come across so abrupt sometimes and I KNOW THAT but it still hurts thinking “oh gosh... that’s how people actually see me. It’s not just me imagining it.” People probably hate me IRL. This is why digital life is so much easier.

I want to scream and cry, I’m exhausted. Having this much pressure is such a head ache inducing way to have a relationship.

[useless witch]

I just want ONE day where I don't feel sick from my disorders.
I dreamed about my abuser again. And about someone else that assaulted me.

Also as usual I had to deal with the fact others can do it but I can't do it or I'm a jerk. This is with anything. Others can be funny but I can't or I look like a jerk. Even if I use the same exact thing! At the same time they do! It's not like I'm copying them, I use different words. Then, to mock me, people will use my exact words.

I get it, I don't belong anywhere. People would rather have me vanish. Everyone hates me. I get it. Why am I even bothering to exist in public Internet. Why do people hate me so much. It doesn't matter where i go.

[cainhurst]

tw: dreams about death & migraine-related issues. please don't PM me about this, it'll likely just upset me more to talk about it again

i dream about people dying a lot. either that, or them leaving me. it no longer comes as a surprise, but expecting those dreams really doesn't make them any less upsetting. especially when the dream is realistic in nature.

tonight i dreamt of one of my best friends dying. it was one of those dreams that aren't just realistic, but feel downright real to the point you're just sobbing and crying in your sleep before you wake up, dazed and confused and emotional. we don't live in the same country, so my brain simply spun together a scenario where i could be sure she's dead, but had no way of confirming it. nobody to message, nobody to call, nobody to e-mail. just. nobody to ask because i'm not friends with any of her other friends, and it's not uncommon for her to disappear for a bit, so who knows what really happened? even though i somehow knew she was dead, my brain took the chance to jump on the fun "maybe she just realized how terrible you are. maybe she wants nothing more to do with you. you'll never hear from her again because you're a bad person and a bad friend and you knew she would leave like the others from the start, you were just in denial" train of thought that everything seems to link back to for me. i woke up feeling awful and in tears, then had to run for the bathroom because i suddenly became very aware of how badly my head hurt and the nausea hit like a fright train. but i'm not even sure if i threw up because of the migraine, or anxiety.

the way she's gonna be living in soon makes me worry even more. she has to leave everything behind and just. hope for the best and that things work out somehow. and i'm so scared. i can't lose her. i love her so much and that dream keeps replaying in my head again and again and again and i can't take it. i wish i could help her. just... move to the US with her. stay with her, if just for a month, to be there when she needs someone to help her, or wants to talk to someone.

i'm so scared. what if that dream is one of those that ends up coming true?

i can't lose you. please.

[nasa]

i wish i wasn’t sad all the time so people would actually like being around me 🥲

[Moth Monarch]

Eughhhh why does love gotta be so complicated sometimes? ;w;