TheComfortCorner | V.9

[rina.]

My dad has copd (which is a lung disease that you can't recover from, it gradually gets worse until... Yeah). He most likely got it from being a smoker. He got diagnosed with it in 2021. He's supposed to have been off cigarettes but he always goes back on them and then lies about it. At this point my trust in him is completely shattered and I feel pretty broken. I'll never be able to trust him again, and the damage done to our relationship is irreparable.

I feel so alone and I know I'm going to have a fully-fledged breakdown over this in the next few days. If you can trust your literal parent how the hell are you supposed to trust anyone else lol

[saw]

its been a full year since i was sent away and now im terrified of being sent back. every time i leave the room my parents fight and bicker about how ive acted. am i not even good enough. will i never be enough. has all this time and treatment been for nothing. is it even worth leaving my bed or even waking up tomorrow? nothing in life is fun anymore. it feels like nobodys there. GOD I JUST WANT TO GIVE UP AND NEVER WAKE UP AGAIN@!!!!

[rileyistired]

i will always be perceived as a girl huh

[Guest]

my grandma has an uti and everyone is freaking out about it and now I have to pretend I care too otherwise i'm insensitive and mean. Like, I wish she didn't have one and yeah it sucks but let's not act like she is gonna die? It's not that big of a deal '-'
My mom came to tell me with the saddest face and said she had something really important to tell me and that it's really hard news about my grandma. I'm sitting here thinking my grandma died for like 5 minutes while she prepared to tell me "the bad news"
it's just an uti
are you kidding me?

[pictochat]

idk how to help my friend and im scared

[viles]

• tw ableism
  my brother and i had a conversation about my testing tomorrow in which he used a particular slur, and i will no longer be discussing this with my brother, even if i am diagnosed with something that he could potentially have as well. i've challenged the ableist beliefs that i held throughout my journey of self-discovery, but i tend to forget that my family has not done the same. i'm almost certain everyone in my family will treat me differently if i am diagnosed with autism, and it is one of the most heartbreaking things i've had to accept about this process. i know that once i am able to be independent that i will most likely never speak to most of my family again for other reasons which i will not go into, but this realization is the final straw for me. they are bad people and i will be glad to be rid of them.

[kal!]

x

[Wall Eating Lizards]

i'm just getting over a bunch of stress
The fact that I have a huge test which I could not studied for because I was out for entire full week due to my grandma's passing is not helping

[skyline]

for the last like week i've just felt awful physically and mentally. can things just go back to normal please thanks, nothing's even changed i don't understand. i just want to feel better

[♥ vibrissae]

2 rants today. thankfully the only person i know in real life that might see this is my best friend. if you're reading this, i'm not talking about you - you probably know who this is meant for <3

1. i'm just so sick of trying to make others laugh. i sacrificed every bit of self-worth and dignity i had last year to make others laugh without realising that they were never laughing with me. they were laughing at me. i acted so weird and i knew how strange i was acting, yet that little burst of joy that i got whenever i made them smile was so rewarding. why did i do that, though? it wasn't me and now it's become a habit. i have no filter now and don't think before i speak, because that's what made them find me amusing. ultimately, it's my fault. i just wish that i didn't do that. because now they all think i'm a weirdo. i was just trying to make them smile :(

2. okay, warning for stupid lovesick me lol. anyone who knows me in real life will know exactly what/who i'm talking about so i'll try to keep it vague. they probably already know, anyway. i've never dated anyone but, like, yeah..

i hate having a crush on two people at once, with both being pretty much unobtainable. the first one i can't really talk to (i have his instagram but it might be weird to message him out of the blue) and i doubt he thinks of me in that way anyways. i care about this boy so much, i wish i could show him how much he means to me but i'm certain he only thinks of me as a friend. he's one of my closest friends and it would be so stupid to go and burn that bridge. idk. whenever i look into his eyes, i just feel this bizarre, deep feeling in my chest. it's so genuine and warm, it feels like platonic love but i'm certain there's more to it. i just want to hug him, man. i just want him to be okay and happy and i know that if he told me he liked me i would freaking melt because i just care that much. but then again, i feel creepy admitting this. i barely see this boy anymore and we don't even go to the same school now, but he's still on my mind. i just.. i never got over him. i've liked him for as long as i've known him, it's almost been a decade.

the second one is conflicting. i barely know this kid and we share very little in common, but it's whatever, i have more of a chance but it's still pathetic. the thing that bothers me is how i can care for two people at once. the first crush is definitely stronger and more... real?? it feels more like what i'd imagine love is, the second one feels like flittering infatuation. somebody once told me to always go with the second option because i wouldn't have a crush on anyone else if i truly cared for the other, but it's not like i could actually make a decision. neither like me, which is fine, but it worries me. i would never ever ever EVER considering dating 2 people at once, but it makes me question my own loyalty. i would die for the first one, but why would i have a crush on another if i truly cared about him? this is so annoying. my little head can't wrap itself around this. i know in my heart that i care more for the first, but i can't get the other one out of my head either. i would love advice on how to deal with this, preferably about how to not think about them lol. confessing really isn't an option haha