TheComfortCorner | V.9

[Kayara]

I lost out on that opportunity, huh?
Lost forever.

[ruin]

CS is the only place I struggle to make friends. I have never struggled with this so much anywhere else :(

[Vilhelm]

normally when im in my "am i real, or am i not?" thought process, i can put the thought in the back of my mind and just ignore it, today is different though, completely.
its so difficult to comprehend anything. everything feels so unreal and its bad. usually, i just go through the motions of what i need to do, i dont think much about how unreal i feel. today i woke up and the thought just smacked me. it wont stop, everything feels and looks so wrong
ive had days like this before, but i still dont know how to properly get through them, if theres even anything i even can do.

[connoisseur]

My entire sense of rational has been tossed out the window and now I'm stuck on what feels like rainbow road from mario kart but really negative feelings, going from extreme to extreme, the last extreme is now nothing compared to now, and im looking for solid ground and that solid ground is looking a lot like blame. but i have studio soon and i dont feel like talking, but thats pretty much all today's schedule is supposed to be, i dont feel like designing when im not in the right head space and also in physical pain, i dont feel like even attempting to maintain my composure. ill let the professor know but i was doing so well up until now. that blame solution is looking even more golden now, but lets not project my chemical imbalances on others who don't even have anything to do with that.

[kal!]

x

[rogan]

lmao gonna go cry

[- Alice -]

Man today has been a hell ride- I'm so done with it all including this hellsite. Things were fine then got some people snapping at me here for ligit no reason. I'm trying to give back to the community and then they just gotta be all entitled and have a go at me cause I was confused and they broke the rules. I ain't even gonna talk about outside of here. I just wanna curl up in a ball and hibernate for the next 200 years

[bubbaberriboo]

it feels so good to have someone to sympathize with. i've been really struggling with accepting myself and my past, and having someone who understands means so much to me. it's so nice. it's so so nice.

it makes dealing with this a lot better. it's still hard, but i'm glad i'm not alone anymore.

[♥ vibrissae]

this isn't anything serious, i just need to get it off my chest.

i'm just so confused and frustrated with myself. i used to be able to come up with answers within seconds, almost instantly, for complex math equations. i KNEW how to explain myself and KNEW how to impress my teacher. i was the academic kid, the competitive one who always knew what she was talking about.

that's all gone now, and it's one of the most hopeless feelings i've ever felt. there was this complex emotion that i used to feel during math, i'm not sure if there's a name for it but it felt a little something like confidence and just... knowledge. cleverness. i remember it distinctly, i know it existed!

however, i no longer feel anything like that anymore. i can no longer do those same mathematical equations like i used to, instead of that lovely buzz that i used to have, my mind just goes blank. i have to THINK with words, it's so slow and most of the time doesn't translate properly when i'm asked to explain my answer. to make matters worse, i just don't seem to have the same rationality anymore? i feel like confidence was a factor of it, i literally second guessed whether or not 7 x 5 equaled 35 yesterday. in front of my teacher. wanna know what's worse? i humiliated my classmate as well today. poor kid couldn't unmute himself because he's sick, so i had to present our math debate and it was mortifying. i was not prepared, how do you debate in math class?? i hate online school, and it's my fault that it's this bad. i should be more confident. i keep telling myself that, but i don't know these people. i'm trying to force it. to put it into perspective, i'm much friendlier with my teachers than my classmates.

i KNOW that they consider me their dumb new classmate. they haven't said anything, but who wouldn't? my responses have "uh, um" every 3 words and i constantly apologise. it's humiliating.

what happened to me? where did i go? did i leave a piece of me at my old school?

[pictochat]

ive been home sick for about a week. im lying to my mom - im not doing my homework, i havent done a single thing i should have. i cant focus. i cant focus my eyes on the textbook and read chapters 11-19. i go slow, take breaks and not enough progress is made. its so dumb. it shouldnt be a big deal. but im getting so behind. and . if i dont catch up... bad things will happen.
then theres Pepe whos driving me crazy. low key playing with my heart. proclaiming his love one day and wanting nothing to do with me the next. saying how amazing i am and then telling me how annoying i am. he's the best compliment ive ever received. im sick of falling for people and then being taken advantage of. idk what to do.
i know i shouldnt care when random people and block me. but i do. they assume things about me before they even exchange one word, or one look at my profile. i know i should be ok with it and that its probably for their safety or mental health etc etc. but i overthink and start getting paranoid about anything i couldve done wrong. and im not perfect. idk. im always petty