TheComfortCorner | V.9

[pizzas and scream]

somtimes i feel like i eat all the time. it's frusrating

[breezey]

i've changed . where did i go ?

[Keir;]

i haven’t had a panic attack in the last few years. i haven’t had a fight with my mom in the last few years. i haven’t felt unsafe at home in the last few years. until now. i’ve been doing so good. the past couple years things have finally been getting better for me after so many really bad years filled with anxiety and depression and unresolved trauma. i was finally getting over my anxiety and depression. just a month ago i stopped taking my anxiety/depression meds because i didn’t need them anymore. and i found out that they were causing other side effects that were making me feel sick and have no energy. i’ve actually been even happier and less anxious after stopping them, as ironic as it is. i finally started to feel confident in myself again. i was finally coming to terms with really early childhood trauma that has affected me pretty much my entire life. but the entire time i just _knew_ something would happen to ruin things. because it always does. every time things have started looking up for me, something happens to destroy everything. and i knew it was gonna be really bad this time, because things were so good. why can nothing ever last? why is it always the most stupid things that mess it up? this is literally such a stupid thing to fight over, but of course, that’s how it always has been. i wasn’t trying to start a fight, i didn’t expect this to turn into one. i don’t even know if this can be considered a fight though. because i didn’t even try to argue or talk back this time. it was more so just me getting yelled at while crying and being very confused. but i do think i have a right to be frustrated by this.

i'm so sick of my dad letting the dog upstairs, not watching him, and then the dog peeing in my room. and i don't blame the dog. we all know he pees in the bedrooms any chance he gets. we literally have a baby gate up preventing him from getting to the bedrooms for that exact reason. but what does my dad do? he moves the baby gate and brings the dog upstairs while he's working. but then he doesn't watch him, so he gets into my room. and every time he says it's my fault for not shutting my door. no. it's his fault for letting the dog upstairs and then not watching him. had he been watching him, he wouldn't have gotten into my room. had he left him downstairs, he wouldn't have gotten into my room. and i'm so sick of it. this has happened too many times to count, and he just continues to do it. and i usually do shut my door when i'm not in my room, but i shouldn't have to. i like leaving it open part of the way because my cat likes sleeping on my bed. and no, it was definitely not my cat. she can come in my room whenever she wants. plus, she was in the living room with me and my mom the entire time. the only times there's pee in my room, is after the dog has been upstairs with my dad. and my dad always refuses to clean it up. i've cleaned it so many times, i'm tired of it. i shouldn't have to. he's not my dog, i didn't let him in my room, i didn't let him upstairs, i'm not the one who was supposed to be watching him. but my dad refuses to get up and clean it, because "i'm tired, i was at work all day." then you should have watched your dog, or you should have left him downstairs if you're too tired to watch him. but no, i have to deal with my entire room smelling like dog pee, and have to step on the pee-soaking carpet to get into and out of my room because it's right in the doorway. i used what cleaner we had. the room still stinks, the carpet is still wet. i'm still angry. the carpet in my room is so think and absorbs so much that the only way to really clean it is with the carpet cleaner that i'm physically incapable of dragging up the stairs. but my dad just sits in the room next to mine watching tv, "too tired" to do anything else. he said he'll bring it up to clean my room this weekend, if he feels like it. excuse me? this weekend? like, 2-3 days from now? and if you feel like it? what if you don't "feel like it"? it just won't get done? i'll just have to deal with the smelly pee stained carpet for who knows how long? i'm so tired and frustrated that i started crying. i feel so defeated after having this exact thing happen so many times.

unable to stand it anymore, i went to complain to my mom, who had just laid down. and what does she do? she gets mad at me for being lazy? excuse you? i did the most i could. and it still stinks and i feel like i'm gonna be sick. how am i the lazy one? why are you mad at me, not my dad? it's his fault this happened. just like every other time. he's always the one who lets the dog upstairs, and then doesn't watch him. and i'm the one who has to suffer the consequences. i'm so sick of it. i thought my mom would tell my dad he needs to do something about it. he let the dog upstairs, plus he's the only one strong enough to move the carpet cleaner up the stairs. but no. she yells at me for being lazy? and then she turns it around to "you never clean up after your cat" ... the very few times she has gotten sick in my room, i have cleaned it. no one knows that though, because i never think it's something worth mentioning. i just do it and forget it. she says i never clean my cat's litter box. that's because she always gets to it before i do. i've told her several times that if she would just leave it, i would do it once i wake up. i can't clean it if there's nothing left to clean. besides, that literally has nothing to do with the current situation of their dog peeing in a place he's not supposed to, because nobody was watching him. i just don't see why they are both so dead set on the fact that it's somehow my fault? but then she gets up saying she’ll clean it. i told her i already had used the spray cleaner and scrubbed it, so there was no point. it needed to be deep cleaned. but my dad is “too tired” to do that. regardless, she got up and stormed up the stairs, ranting about me being the lazy one. she did the exact same thing i did. then stormed back down the stairs and slammed the bedroom door. she said absolutely nothing to my dad.

then she yelled, from their room, that “tomorrow you start cleaning your cat’s litter box!” i was like?? okay?? i’ve literally been offering to do that for years?? i have no problem with it. none. i do clean it on the rare occasion i get to it before she does. she’s my cat, i have no issue with taking care of her. and then my mom started ranting about “this is my house! mine! mine! i make the rules! i have to do everything! and you take no responsibility for anything! you’re so lazy! it’s your cat, why am i taking care of her? get your things and get out, and take her with you! get out before i throw you out!” i’m just here wondering when this became about my cat’s litter box and not the fact that their dog peed in my room. but now i have to worry about if she’s actually going to go through with her threat to kick me out. i have no idea what i would do if she did. i have nowhere to go. nowhere. i don’t have any friends. i don’t even have acquaintances. i don’t have a job. i don’t have a car. i don’t have money. i don’t even have my drivers permit yet because the thought of driving kind of terrifies me. and on top of that, not only do i have myself to worry about, but my cat as well. i would die if anything happened to her. and i know that if they kicked me out, they would throw her out too. they claim to love her, but they would get rid of her in an instant if given the chance. they’ve tried before.

i can’t believe this is happening again. it doesn’t feel real. it feels like i’m back in middle school when things were at their worst. back when we would fight every couple weeks, always about the dumbest things. back when she would threaten to kick me out every other day. except i was a minor then, and i’m not anymore, so it’s much more possible now. back when i was at the absolute lowest point in my life, somewhere i thought i would never end up again.i’m so scared. i’m scared of being homeless. i’m scared of losing my cat. i’m scared of being alone. i’m scared of being defenseless. i’m scared that things are just gonna keep getting worse. that after slowing getting better over the last several years, it’s all gonna fall apart in just a few days. all of this, just because i asked for my dad to clean up after their dog.

[pictochat]

i'm just so tired ...
i hope i made it - if i didn't i'm screwed. things will either get better or worse depending on how things turn out tomorrow

[enchantingxrain]

I feel really bad. I begged me mom to tickets to my football game ( im in marching band ). And my dad went out to get me the ticket money. At like 9 or 8 last night. I literally begged them. And this morning it was raining, so all morning i was like the game is going to get canceled so I forgot the money. So now they can’t go and its all my fault. Ive been having non stop anxiety about it. I cant call my mom because my phone is dead, and i dont know my dads number. I feel so terrible.

[basil!]

i keep getting upset over really small things. i hate how in forums you can see the last person that posted. i know no one looks at it but every time i see my name there i get really scared, especially if its on more than one thread. i dont want to be annoying.
if my friend does anything better than me or if she has a friend other than me i get so upset. i wish i could stop getting upset about these stupid things. talking to people is hard.
--
also im sincerely sorry to everyone that sent me messages. im not replying to them now but i read them and appreciate them. im sorry.

[nermal1999]

Not going to lie, today is going to be a hard day.
Saying good bye isn't going to be easy, and the empty place will be noticed.

Today I'll have to say goodbye to my beloved cat who I've had for 10/11 years.
Its hard to believe that it's true, and a part of me is in denial about it. But it is happening it just hasn't hit me yet.

He's been a great cat and I love him so much, and he'll be missed greatly.

[soul wounds.]

mmm shakey. (:
mmm anxiety. (:
mmm where did this come from? (:
the world may never know. (:

[Howl's Moving Castle]

im really worried, mt freind got in a bad car accident and i cant lose her. on top of that my mother tested positive for covid so im stuck inside for 20ish days yay.... just done with life rn.

[Howl's Moving Castle]

we love having mental breakdowns before halloween cuz nothing is going right