TheComfortCorner | V.9

[mean&gay]

god i just sent a pm and now i feel like im gonna be sick. it wasnt even a heavy pm i was just asking for bbcode advice why am i like this. i feel so anxious whenever i try to send messages and i feel like its definitely ruining all my friendships but i just cant make myself do it. its so hard and i feel so silly for feeling this way but i cant help it. how am i supposed to do anything if i cant even maintain a simple conversation. i hate this. and i feel so awful because im over here posting and making art and whatnot and i feel like it looks like im just ignoring everyone but its just. different. when i post i feel like im on my own, i dont feel like im being watched, but when i send a pm its aimed at someone specific and its written specifically for them to read and for some reason that terrifies me. it comes and goes but its really strong atm, right when i need it not to be and i just jdkhfgzdkjkgk i dunno. i keep seeing all my friends having fun and i just get filled with some sorta bad feeling because i know ill never be able to maintain a relationship like that. im just incapable of putting in the effort that it takes and i hate myself for it. and i know its not entirely my fault but i still feel like a selfish bastard because of it.

in other news i have to go into school tomorrow to get my grades and im terrified. not of my results but of being around people again. itll be the first time seeing everyone since i came out as trans (and i didnt tell everyone, but im not hiding it anymore) and thats like. ugh. plus ill probably get deadnamed a bunch, which i can tolerate because its early, but still. its a lot.

[breadstick]

imagine having a parent who loves u lmao.

[prisms.]

I wish you knew what I was truly feeling. instead of hurting me
maybe then I'd be better to you
maybe you'd really help me

but I could never tell you. so you just hurt me instead when it affects me
thanks.

no one will know.
no one will care.


dont send me a gift/trade bc of this, thanks

[connoisseur]

I can feel it creeping up on me again. I need to work. I need my clear mind to do what I need to do. I can't play it off while I'm trying to tutor. Last time I kept trailing off and pausing, slurring my words and stuttering, and forgetting what I was doing mid-explanation of a problem. My anxiety comes back to crawl slowly back up my spine into my brain and attack it little be little, like a fire slowly eating its meal. I need to a clear mind. I need to focus. I need to stop this. It feels like my heart is being squeezed and a cement ball is rolling in my skull.

Please let this session go well. Please.
I doubt that I can work like this any further.

[venti]

Nothing matters right now
Why can't the world like me?

Ugh I'm feeling so bored and sad rn
Just don't talk to me

Don't send a PM asking how I'm doing
Just don't send me a gift

I'm so tired of toxic people
I'm currently thinking on going on a hiatus

Why are toxic people TOXIC???
I just don't understand....

[Howl's Moving Castle]

You ever just watch tik toks under the #toxicparents tab and realize your dad matches 95% percent of them. Then you watch more and watch one about what it can do to the child and realized you're so messed up and hurt due to your father's horrible parenting. i hate who i am and where i am after that. im broken and i dont think ill ever be fully fixed even if i have a family of my own. Now im just having a mental break down wondering what life would be like if i had a real father i know i wouldnt have been such a mess up. idk what to do.

[saintesque]

hahaa-- i know my mental health is getting worse because the
stress cardiomyopathy is returning. it's not bad enough to keep me from everyday activities this time,
but i'm tired of crying and having my feelings disregarded
would it be that hard to swallow your pride and apologize for Once?

[viles]

• it's been four months since my dad was diagnosed with parkinson's. i've struggled on and off with his health, mainly because it's basically like he's deteriorating right before my eyes. every day, he forgets something new; it's as if the person he was is slowly getting lost in the sea of his own mind. he's still my dad and i will always love him, but it's killing me to see him like this.

[autumnsoundtrack]

My childhood dog is dying. She has bone cancer in her leg, and can't even walk properly anymore. I fly back to my hometown on Monday to say goodbye. It doesn't feel real, and part of me doesn't want to go because if I don't go then it's just not real. But I have to go, because she is my loving, loyal dog and deserves for me to be there. I have to say goodbye or I'll regret it forever. God I'm such a bawling mess.

[villain]

i just looked back at your chickensmoothie profile.

you were last active sunday jul 12, 2020 6:12 pm.
i looked at your groups and you still had all the pets i gave you as a gift.
the shima long tail, the vr warrior cat, and others, you all put them in a
sentimental group. it's been YEARS since we've talked. i miss you so much,
you were my first ever online friend. i would stay up nights so we could talk
and roleplay. whenever i were stressed out i'd turn on my computer and
we'd talk for a bit, even if it were silly. you view my stories on instagram
from time to time. do i look the way you expected ? am i the same ?
i really miss when things weren't so complicated. i wish things were back
to being simple, the days me and you used to talk. when we used to
roleplay on forums back around 2016...