TheComfortCorner | V.8

[farewell]

I feel miserable and I need to vent. Feel free to ignore or highlight to read if you want.
(Please don’t quote this post. If you’d like to respond, PM me instead. Thanks.)

I know I’m lying to myself when I say I’ll attend university after my surgery this year. I know when the time comes, I’ll just make another excuse. I feel like I’m not meant to do anything, I’m not meant to be anything. I have nothing going for me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I’ll always be chronically depressed and never fully accept that part of me. I always promised myself as a kid that I would fulfill the accomplishments nobody in my family ever has. I’d be the first to graduate from college. I’d be the first to have a healthy relationship and start my own family. But none of that is true. I’m surprised I even finished high school. I’ve made excuse after excuse for myself on why I shouldn’t continue my education.

When I graduated high school, I got accepted into every single university I applied to. I even got accepted into one of the best universities in my state on FULL SCHOLARSHIP for their nursing program... but I didn’t accept it. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t mentally prepare myself for the responsibility of university. I never thought I would live to see myself be an adult and now that I’ve been in this bubble of adulthood for a while, I’m so lost. I never took the time to really sit down and analyze what I want for myself. I never accepted my role in this life to be anything other than a damn fraud.

I’m too tired to deal with myself. I go everyday wondering how the hell I could let myself become so miserable. I had a horrible childhood but it’s in my hands to make my life better, isn’t it? Why haven’t I freaking done it yet?

I bounce back and forth between apathy and caring so much that it hurts. It’s killing me.

[Spearow]

ugh I'm so tired from work but
the thought of sleep makes me
anxious. really hungry but I don't
get paid until tomorrow. which was
supposed to be my day off but i picked
up another shift when i should have
taken the day to rest. ah this sucks

[Ford F150]

I'm losing weight

I'm losing my appetite

I'm losing my sanity for christ sake

I need to get out of this house

My mental health is nearly gone

Someone for the love of god, encourage me to get away from here
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME, I AM BEGGING YOU, MY GOD, I NEED HELP

[risotto]

ha have a tornado warning, cats are in the bathrooms two kittens didn't appreciate being woken up

and my mom is at work ofc so my dad is messaging me from like 6 hours away and all my lizard tanks are on the floor surrounded by pillows because my bed is too short

big anxiety and i really wanna puke rn

It's been storming but chilled out and the trees are lightly shaking so fun fun

[nervousdog]

So I believe I lost a friend today . And it kinda sucks, but Im like, almost not sad about it ? Just kinda null .
She keeps doing things that me and her other friends believe are cries for help and are really self destructive and had an intervention confronting her about these problems . She denied she had any and said she was fine . Okay, topic was dropped- cant help someone who doesn't want help . But then she started telling people not to take their medication for mental health ( all bc she had a bad experience with one medication herself ) and was confronted by strangers, so when she got upset she went to me for help . I told her she was wrong and not to seek me for solace on this subject .
She has a cat, which she refuses to fix ( I wouldn't have a problem if there were certain factors, but it would be healthier for the cat to be fixed at this current time and due to the amount of ferals and homeless pets we have all suggested getting her spayed ) . We dropped the subject though because she again, refused . Can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped .
Today was the last straw ig, because she was talking about a getting a dog . She has little experience in training or owning "non beginner" breeds . She wants a wolf dog . Or at the very least a german shepherd . I discouraged this due to her lifestyle and living situation, as well as it being a breed not suited for beginners . She got upset claiming I was saying she was incompetent and that "even though she has mental health issue she was just as competent as the rest of you" . This upset me, because I also have mental health issues, but I never brought them up as a reason she shouldnt get a dog at this point in time . I guess I did push a bit too far when I asked if she was going to get her dog fixed if she got one, because thats when she wanted to stop the conversation .
I dropped the subject .
She then tried to continue the topic ??????
So I did snap a bit and tell her that if she didn't want to talk about it not to drag it on . This is all through text on discord btw, so like, there is no way to tell the tone of each other's words or anything . She ended up leaving all the discords she had mutual with me and her best friend ( my sister ) after my twin got on and said that she was being a bit ridiculous .

Idk . Its not 100% the full situation but its some of the most recent and big events that happened to edge our friendship to the end and I guess I just needed to vent about it and type it all down . It sucks to looks a friend, and I'm scared for my friend . I really am . She is in a totally abusive relationship and has such self destructive tendencies . She's honestly a danger to herself and there is nothing we can do because she hasn't really done anything to warrant us calling someone to get her the help she needs ( whether she denies it or not ) .
I love her, she is one of my closest friends since middle school . But she's changed . She hasn't grown up, just changed . She's almost toxic now i guess .
I really hope things work well for her ; (

Idk sorry for venting and writing a book . It just rlly sucks and I needed to get it out .

[Ford F150]

I just wanna feel okay.

[Spearow]

Sigh today started out okay besides not feeling very good physically. I took an extra shift at work, someone brought pizza so I got to eat. But now the drama begins, no one working with me tonight likes me so I don't have anyone to talk to and whenever I walk by two of them they stop talking. The manager tonight hates me I knew her when we were kids and they haven't changed.

Then my 'friend' starts texting me asking when I get off work. We've been fighting. I never told them I had work today. They have something of mine and won't give it back and its making me really angry. Give it back? So when she asked when I get off work I asked if she left my stuff at my house when she was there. Because if I didn't tell her I was at work then she must have been at my house, which she was. And of course she didn't leave my things. I'm so annoyed. I want to go home.

[will byers]

you really dont understand the definition of no, do you?

you pressure me by pushing me into a panic attack
then make me apologize for crying

and yet yous till continue pressuring me after
i cant do this much longer with you

[HowlToTheWind]

My sister made me have a mental breakdown earlier so I feel like crap. I'm really tired of being treated like garbage. She knows that yelling at me makes me have panic attacks. She knows that I don't respond well to anger or harsh voices. She knows that and then she goes and starts yelling at me about some stupid stuff, and then I start bawling, you know, and then she yells at me because I started crying. What else am I supposed to do when you scream at me? Sit there and smile? I'm so done. I'm soooo done. I just hate my life. Why can't I be normal like everyone else.

[hiero]

People have upset me. It has made me livid. I want to punch something.