I have the biggest fear of my parents passing.
my dads birthday is in 2 days,, and I’m realising how old he is getting and how little time he has left. I can’t help but cry. I know that’s stupid,, but why is death such a thing. I don’t want my parents to ever have to leave me,, I don’t want anything bad to happen to them and I don’t want to feel alone in this world. My dads been there for me through thick and thin and I cannot imagine life without him. I’m so damn scared. Everyday is another day closer and closer to losing him and I’m honestly horrified.
I feel like such a bad daughter. I haven’t been there for him enough and I’m just realising this now. I feel like I’m such a bad person. my dad constantly has to be by himself,, because he has no one there for him. my brother and I are his only family left,, and the only people he ever communicates to. I feel like such a bad person because I haven’t been there for him enough and I’m running out of time. I haven’t asked him so many things in life and I’m so scared that he’s going to leave us before I’m able to ask. I’m petrified. I hate coming home to seeing my dads stressed, upset, worried and extremely tired. he doesn’t talk about it, but you can just see it so clearly. my dad constantly talks to himself because my brother and I are always busy doing our own things,, so my dad has no one to talk to. I hate thinking of losing him. I hate it. So so much. I’m so scared. I know I sound like such an idiot right now,, but I’m in so much pain from thinking of that,, and I can’t get rid of that thought of losing the people I love the absolute most in this world. I want my dad to be there to see me succeed in my life, I want him to be there to see me get my own family,, I want him to be there for the day I leave as well. But I know he can’t. Times running out and I’m so scared. I can’t help but think this. I can’t help but feel like I’m going to lose the biggest part of me, and regret so much because I wasn’t able to talk to him as much.
my family and I are not close. We never have been. and I don’t know how to even begin. But I’m so fearful and worried. My dads birthday is in 2 days and I’ve gotten him nothing. I feel so awful and bad. I can’t help but cry,, I’m such a bad person. life’s so short I hate it. I love my dad and I’m going to hate myself the day he leaves. I can’t stop. I’m sorry. <3 I don’t want him to leave.