by Painful Affinity » Mon Mar 11, 2019 8:15 am
I guess i'm just a little lonely.
Just want someone who's there with me and whom i can hug who's not mom. I mean- i'm happy to have her but like i can't do everything with my mom, i'm an adult. That'd be just awkward. My only good real life friend has not much time so i mostly just text with her and my best friend is a cat. People are hard to socialize with, especially ones i don't know well. Other interactions with people on the internet or otherwise are not all that often or just stop sooner or later.
I just don't want to be alone all the time. It makes me sad.
I feel like i'm gonna be alone forever.
I'm pretty sure this played a role in falling for my exes facade of an honest nice person who likes me for me. I was so attention starved i thought it was love while in truth we were just two broken people messing around with things they shouldn't. Also, the thing with the crossbow and the gun scared the living daylights outta me. I just saw you drinking and aiming the thing and i was glad you weren't drunk enough to aim it at me. I didn't dare say anything about you shooting at those poor lil birds in fear you'd shoot at me instead. I hate myself for that now. I love sparrows and you took the sick pleasure of hurting the poor things, probably illegaly too.
I keep blaming myself for the incidents involving you. I know i was just lonely - but i should have been much more careful, especially considering just /where/ i first met you.
Sometimes i see someone with a similar facial structure and i just freeze up and hope they don't see me, scared it could be you.
Also, that buttnugget kept my teddy bear. Gave me back all my clothes but not my little Rosie? I'm still sad/mad ..smad? about that. Guess my priorities are a little weird, huh?
..sorry i just needed to vent. It's good to get it out after having it replay in your head over and over again. I don't even remember if i already posted this a long time ago. I just needed it out of my system again i guess.