by koumei » Sun Sep 16, 2018 2:15 pm
i shouldn't be wanting more than i have right now.
but why do i still yearn for many things that i've lost the opportunity to even get close to having a long time ago?
i have to face it. it's happening with two different situations, too - but i haven't learnt to move on.
when i want to open up about it, i say cryptic stuff life this, being as vague as possible and avoiding the problem.
however, even if i could face it head on, nothing would change.
i liked people, but just to the point where it's a kind of platonic crush. or maybe i just want to be friends.
however, i can't even bring myself to. and soon they were both gone, and i probably couldn't have even established any type of relationship with them at all in the first place. i guess i always fall for the trick my mind plays on me, that they even find me enjoyable to be around, but they're just being nice, and perhaps even sometimes out of pity... i keep making up this stuff in my head.