Everything just feels exhausting and pointless. No matter who or what it is or how hard I cling onto it/them I always lose it in the end. I have no idea who I really am because even my identity is something I lose consistently. The only things consistent about my identity are negative, such as severe dysphoria and being bogged down by mental illness. I'm honestly afraid to try and heal because I don't know who I am underneath all these problems. I even thought I was getting better for a bit there but then I lost it and fell right back into my old problems and habits, all because I'm a fool who puts his stability in things prone to falling apart and leaving. I constantly feel wound up and stressed, like I either have to fight anyone and everything for my own safety or that I have to walk on eggshells for the same reason. I can't even get a grasp on my own thoughts half the time - I feel so disconnected from myself on a fundamental level that it feels like myself, my body, and my piece of crap brain are all separate and cooperating with any of them is a fight all on its own. I have no idea what's wrong with me and everything feels abstract and fake. The constant fear, uncertainty, and rage is tearing me apart but I don't know what to do about it.~αяαвєℓℓα~ wrote:im getting really nervous about spending a full block of time on the campgrounds this summer.
I love the people there, and that place feels like a second home, but...
none of them know my preferred name and it makes me feel so awkward and terrible.
I could never tell some of them, I've known them for half my life.
The rest wouldn't understand.
And it's not like I could use my binder much either, as I'm going to be constantly climbing and running and sweating and ugh
I'm so worried.
It's not quite the same, obviously, but try going for a sports bra either accompanied by a tank top or an under armor shirt. It's not the same level of compression, but it should be enough to keep the dysphoria from going wild. Maybe see about a gender neutral nickname to go by while you're there, it might be easier for them to understand than trying to piece together the idea that your dead name makes you uncomfortable.