Write a Letter You Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[❦Acidic-Tea❦]

Dear Mum,
I think I have bpd and it's really starting to consume my life. I've told you time and time again yet you still say I don't tell you anything. If I could've done something on my own I would've. It really is getting out of hand now. I have periods of time when I'm happy and motivated. I focus on my work, I get everything done, I have so much motivation and then the next it's gone. I'm so unmotivated I can't leave my bed, I let all of my homework rot on my desk next to the half-filled moldy containers of food, I neglect my pets and myself. You don't even care. When I'm happy I feel like I can do anything, I feel so great about myself and everything around me. But when I'm not I let myself d*e a little more, I let myself crumble away, I start to feel like nothing matters, and no matter how much I tell myself "You have to go feed Wilbur and Dipper" "Your hair is greasy you should take a shower" "Let's put down the phone and do some exercise" "Your friends are worried you should text them back" "You have to do those projects they're worth half your grade" "If you don't take care of Wilbur and Dipper they'll d*e Nothing ever comes of it. I really don't know how much longer I can deal with this. Whenever I try to reach out to you I'm shut down. Whenever I try to explain things to you I'm met with doubt and disbelief. I can't keep getting dragged down by my own thoughts every other month, please, just this once, believe me.

[outro;tear]

dear .

i wish i could get along with you. i really do. i pray and pray that we only arent getting along due to some language barrier or misunderstanding. but clearly im misunderstood. sometimes i dont even want to be within 1000km of you . but as long as im here , so are you. and i dont know how to deal with it.

everybody tells me i should love you- or at least understand you. and im trying. i really am. but sometimes i wish youd go away so id never see you again, or disappear like youve never existed ever. sometimes i wish i would disappear forever so it would be easier on you. the hilarity of it all, doing a great service, my love language, to the person i never want to love again.

maybe one day you will understand why i never talk to you, visit your room to chat, or open up about anything. perhaps i will make the day happen myself, but as youre aware im too much of a wuss to do anything. so live in ignorance all you want, maybe

-c

[fledermaus]

D,
I'm so grateful that you're a part of my life and I wish I could adequately describe the ways you've helped me grow and flourish as a person. I still have a long way to go, but I don't think I would have gotten even close to this without your advice and guidance. I have always respected your strength and logical thinking. I have looked up to you since day one. You're funny, witty, considerate, and hard-working. You're the best sister I could ask for, and when I stood telling our parents of my transition and setting boundaries, I was never more proud to have someone so important there to back me up. I really hope you get what you want out of life, and I hope I never stand in your way of getting it.

[bloodclot]

my dear friend H.


I think of you more than you would have ever imagined. i know im not the only one who cant get you out of their head.
and i know you think no one cares, no one ever did, no one ever will, and if they do, it's only when you're gone. but i thought about you all of the time. you used to say such worrying things to me, and i never stopped thinking about them. never. when i told you, that you were one of my bestest friends, i meant it. when you told me i was your best friend, i did not take it with a pinch of salt. when you would tell me that you love me, i knew you meant it, because it was coming from you. you definitely didn't say it much to me, but when you did, i knew you meant it. and i will always love you. you're in my soul, forever. you were always apart of my soul the day you came into my life. i will never ever ever, forget you... you are not supposed to be gone.

i have so so so so so much to say to you eyebrows, but my mind cannot take it all at once. i really wish i could send you this letter, but it would truly be impossible. ill continue to write to you, maybe itll be on paper next time. im wearing the socks you and L gifted to me a year ago. i actually lost the other sock months ago, and just found the other one tonight. i weeped instantly into the socks...

i remember you told me not to be sad for you. not to stay sad, to be happy for you. and i never ever thought it would come down to it though. i love you so much, but my heart cannot handle this anymore for tonight. soon ill be able to write to you in peace. goodnight my friend.

[non-binary]

i think i already wrote a similar letter, but i feel like i need to just. say it again, especially after what has happened lately.

dear a,

it's quite scary looking back on photos of you, of me, and not recognizing you, or i should say myself. i don't feel like i am you anymore. i don't feel like you are me. i remember how much i hated myself and how ugly i thought i was. i look back at these photos and i don't see that. i feel sorry for myself. no one deserves to hate themselves that much. no one deserves to go through the pain you went through. it sort of feels like... you're dead? (i guess that's why it's called a deadname) i don't know when exactly you "died", but very recently i did feel as if i was reborn. forgiveness is more powerful than i ever imagined. i hope that me feeling like i've been reborn means that you are finally at peace. i feel like i've calmed that one part me deep inside that was still in agony. i guess that was you. it's like my brain is sorted into rooms, into different parts of my life and all that. it took me a long time to even think about opening the door that leads to your room. i know what was inside would be terrifying and hard to even look at. but i did it. with my friends' support, i managed to open that door and start reorganizing and reprocessing all of the memories that filled that hellish room. and hidden in those memories, i found you. a part of me that had been beaten down, abandoned, hurt, and so many other things. i didn't see me, i saw someone who was broken and lost. someone who just needed help, but was too afraid to get it. it was scary, but i reached out to you and embraced it. i finally found the courage to help myself deal with all this trauma. it was so painful at first, but we got through it together. i hope you are at peace now. i am so sorry for everything you been through. it wasn't your fault. i'm sorry you struggled to much and sacrificed so much just to feel even the slightest bit of happiness. you don't have to hurt anymore. it's over. you... I survived.

with love,
riley

[caesou]

dear ...

you've all been very kind in making your statements. as an lgbtq+ girlie, hearing the drama broke my heart. thank you for providing a safe space for people like me - it means a lot, after hearing someone we've respected behave so lazily.

thank you for all your hard work. if he has treated you badly, you don't have to be near him anymore. if he has treated your friends badly, my heart hurts for all of you.

[-icarus-]

dear k and s
hi. I know you probably won't read this (that's the whole point, right?) but I want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I ghosted both of you, especially you S. Hawai'i messed with my schedule a lot, and I know you got a job (congrats again, btw), so we haven't been able to meet up.
I miss both of you so much. Every week I wasn't able to meet I could feel my happiness become more and more superficial. and it sucks that these feeling, if I ever tell it, will be written off as anxiety/worry rather than the sadness it truly is.
I just texted you, K. Hopefully we can meet up today and life can be fixed again.
Miss you-
Mack

[gull.]

My love,

You are truly my best, best friend. I think of you so much every day. Everything reminds me of you, you're the first person I want to message when anything happens to me. Whether that be something funny, scary, sad, or frustrating. I love you so much that you feel like an extension of me. You're interlaced with my own being. Wrapped and intertwined through my ribcage, around my lungs and heart, threaded through even the smallest, most miniscule of my veins. You're my entire world.

I feel guilty about it sometimes. That I'm too young to be this in love with someone, that I've let myself become too attached. And people have told me before that it's just because you're my first love, first relationship. But I can't help but think, if this was puppy love, wouldn't it have worn off by now? We'll have been together 3 years in October, and every year I find myself feeling more in love. Sometimes I let myself go down the wormhole of 'what if' and I hate when I do that, because I imagine how we'd go about things if we broke up, and not to sound cliche, but the thought breaks me every time. We've said we'll always be each other's best friend, but part of me thinks I wouldn't make good on that promise. That I'd be in far too much pain to stay by your side if I wasn't able to hold you and kiss you and fall asleep next to you every night. I want to be your best friend forever, but I also want to be your lover forever.

It's just hard, when you've never been in love before, to not believe the people who say it won't last. I can't bring myself to ever tell you this in full, because I don't want to scare you off. But please, never fall in love again.

[fuzzyfurball1]

Dear K,

There's a lot I never said to you, even after we met again and I had the chance for closure. I had so much bubbling inside me waiting to burst out, and yet all I could peep was my forgiveness to you; Looking back on it, I wish I didn't say anything at all. You really didn't deserve my forgiveness as there's so much I still don't forgive you for, you never even answered when I asked if you hated me during that conversation. Something tells me that it was probably for a reason. I don't really blame you for not telling me. We both did horrible things to each other when we were friends, even as lovers. I don't know if I'll ever fully heal, I knew you for so long and I had so much trust that I just believed it was all normal.

I was so young to feel every ounce of love I had fade away from my body; its a feeling I never knew before and one I hope I never feel again. I still really don't understand how you felt it necessary to message me that you had already had a new crush after 2 days of me being gone. 2... Days... Was it worth it? It hurt so bad inside that I got really sick short after (Common cold or something like that), I had nothing to do but lay in bed all day, catching up on reading books and staring out the window thinking of you. I still don't get why, instead of respecting my wishes of me not being comfortable with you telling our friend that you'd like to kiss them and that you love them as a "joke" you started to scream and whine about me being toxic and controlling. (You started dating them as soon as we broke up. I really cant believe you found me that stupid that you thought I'd believe there wasn't anything going on while we were together. I think that hurts more than what happened :') )

Love hasn't really been the same since you left, romantic or not. I feel very alone all the time, and I don't really know how to communicate well. I'm like a hollow shell of my former self. I constantly fear the worst from others around me and as of late I don't truly feel much emotion. Lovers just come and go without much of a thought, and my friends drift away from me more and more by the day. I yearn for a connection like I remembered us having, even if I knew deep down that it wasn't real. It never was real, despite me boasting to everyone else about how good we had it. I never talked about the countless nights I spent alone, weeping. Simply because you decided it'd be a great idea to disappear for days on end (multiple times) with no explanation. I still don't know how I never saw all the danger signs; I've always been so blind and trusting like that.

I truly wonder if you still even think of me, or what we had. I think I remember my version of you more than I remember you; All it takes is a bit of talking to bring it all back, though. I often wonder if I'd never spoken up about how you treated me, if we'd still be friends, I really do blame myself for that. I always wonder if you would've changed, although I doubt it. You just fled at the slightest of criticism, with no intention of apologizing to anyone else you hurt or changing your ways for them. Except for me, you apologized to me. At first it felt special. Maybe you really did care... But everyone else said it was probably because I was the easiest one to give an apology to. Because I always forgive so easily, it hurt... It REALLY hurt hearing that. Because it was true, I knew your apology was shallow. You only gave it after being forced to, so I didn't accept it when you gave it to me. There's still just one thing I wanna know. Something you never answered. Something I wished you'd be honest about...

...Do you hate me?

[mcr]

dear a,


it's been whaaat...three months er something since you left
but even still i cannot get you off my mind! i know youre scared, i wish our lives werent like this. sometimes i cant even do things er play certain games because they make me too sad since they remind me of ya. it makes my head hurt and it makes me feel a little empty, like a part of me is out of place or simply not there. i hope we can talk again to each other one day, i wanted to be there for ya. we have had our ups and downs, but even then i forgave you. please come back soon, youre really one of my dearest friends. i hope youre safe, even though youve closed off. i hope you know that regardless of the situation i am always here. but this sounds a little selfish ^__^ i want to know youre still here

- your dearest friend