Write a Letter You Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[Lex.]

Dear x,

(￢︿̫̿￢☆)

[Centaurpresident]

Dear Charlotte,
It's been 4 years. You would be turning 9 soon. I still love you just as much as I did the last time I saw you. I did everything I possibly could for you, but in the end, there was nothing I could've done for you that would've saved your life. Sometimes we just can't fight what nature throws at us. I wish I could've done more, and I would pay almost any price to have you back. Although it took a while, I was eventually able to accept that I made the kindest choice for you by taking you to our vet to pass on peacefully in a sedated sleep. However, I still wonder if there was anything I could've done differently. We adopted 2 bunnies a few months after you passed on; their names are Sammy and Cleo. They're so sweet and I love them with my whole heart, but they're also very different from you. Not that that's a bad thing, but I don't think I'll ever find another bunny like you. I don't believe in the supernatural, but even so, I still SO badly hope that somehow someday I will see you again. I miss you, but more importantly, I love you.

- Your owner, Julia

[licoricesoda]

_,
you know i'm being nice just because i have to in a public place..
in reality, you make me so uncomfortable.
i feel trapped, always saying the same things because you get triggered and lash out so easily.
you're toxic and blinded by the dream world you live in.
it's exhausting having to put on this mask.

i just want to get away from you.

[taichi]

dearest k,
first allow me to apologise for being 2 months late to this anniversary, although it’s not a salubrious one. i’ve been busy and dare i say, self-absorbed.
but hey, i miss you. these days i wonder what life would be like with you around. would we be caught up in the living rooms of strangers still? waking up at dawn again?

some would say in hindsight, the way we lived and laughed was unhealthy. that we were doing ourselves no good and would end up on the mouth side of the bottle forever, but we both know that we were young and still finding ourselves.

without you, i wonder how; i and many others would have turned out. for you were the most courteous tender heart known to all. strangers became friends in a flash. i believe that’s what i admired the most about you: the pinnacle of extraversion - the conviviality of every morning and evening.
wherever your charm has landed you, i hope you like it there.

it’s late, i will cut these words short for now dearest.
rest well. i’ll see you soon

- yours, always, t

[gunthyr]

xxx,

i think i know why i feel this way.
every day i look at the date and it feels like im watching an hourglass running out of time.

i'll just wait it out and see what happens, but i'm worried. i don't have much faith in this.
i wonder if it'll be like last time i gave you time to try something.

there wont be another chance if you can't, and i hope you remember that.
it wouldn't be your fault, either. it just means that we should've known better.
but, i can't give any more of myself than i already have. i want to be selfish for a change.
i think i gave up too much long before i was ready to, and that is no one's fault but mine.

yours,
b

[ruberiot]

--

[Fooxie]

to x,
thanks for being my friend. it’s ironic, isn’t it? somehow you, the entity i hated the most, ended up being one of the best things to ever happen to me. there are many things that overlap between you, me and the others that are here, but we’re all thankful. sure, you bring along some stuff i would’ve preferred not to have lived with, but you’ve also introduced me to things i would’ve never found anyhow. you’ve helped me create friends that never would’ve been here with me, worlds that would’ve never been made, stories that would’ve never been told. in a shocking twist of cosmic fate, you, what many would’ve interpreted as a bully, became my best friend. one of my only friends.

so thank you, x, it’s impossible for us to communicate, we’ll never be able to. and you won’t ever know how much you truly mean to me. but thanks for being in my life, even if it was against your will, heh.

[Skull.Vincent]

Dear Myself,

Im not sure exactly how people do it, working every single day, being okay with just working and working until retirement. It's difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that I'll always be working. Maybe its because I work a close to mimum wage job, waking up at 4:30am every day, and at a fast food restaurant, burning myself out because i never get enough sleep, Im always tired, I stand for 9 1/2 hours and when I get back from work my feet and legs hurt so bad. Or maybe its because people at my job arent great, I havent been able to make friends, my managers belittle me and get angry for mistakes, but its completely fine if they make the same mistakes, even though Ive been told im a really good employee and got record time in the drive thru my manager took a picture of because im really fast and efficient on sandwiches. Or maybe its because I'm trying to survive in an economy
where the cost of living keeps skyrocketing and I never feel like I have enough money to save, I feel like im surviving and not living, Im barely scraping by and im struggling. Or maybe its because im still going to school and school is extremely expensive and ill have to take loans out this semester and Im scared i wont be able to afford going to dental school even though I really want to do that, but I dont qualify for scholarships or grants because Im not married so my income is based off my dad's, even though hes not making enough to help me through school. Or maybe its because my parents are struggling and were going to lose the house were in now if my parents divorce and everything just seems like its collapsing. In order to go to school and survive, I have to go to work. Work is burning me out and stressing me out and I havent even been working here for very long (relatively). I feel lazy if I quit, and my dad will be disappointed in me if I dont just tough it out until school starts again. I guess I just dont know what to do and how long I can handle being in state of constant pure survival like this.

[.destiny]

i don't know who this is for. i just feel miserable.

i hate feeling as though i will forever be a broken person. but everything adds up to that. i have not healed. i have not begun any sort of progress towards healing. i haven't been back at therapy in six months due to finances and it's truly tearing me apart. i haven't felt safe in months. i just want to be happy, i don't want to be like this anymore. but i don't know what to do to get out.

i just want to ask the people who have hurt me; what could i have done differently? i know that my best isn't always enough, but i have always wanted to try my hardest for you. there was something missing and i never knew. i don't know what i did to deserve any of this. it's truly agonizing. all i can say is that i'm sorry. i'm sorry for who i am and for who i am not. i am sorry for not doing enough for any of you. i've wanted to try and fix any damage i’ve caused that made you act the way you did and feel the things you did. but i don’t know what i did. but i'm sorry for all of it.

getting closure from any of you is not worth trying for anymore. i have tried and yet, there were no answers. i can't force myself to listen to the reasons as to why you hurt me and did the things you did. i understand that my actions or even inaction may have caused you to lash out. most days i wonder what i could've done differently. perhaps never existing at all would've been the best choice.

i don't want to feel hurt anymore. but that's all i feel nowadays. to 2019 to now, it has been constant pain and suffering. there is always something new to deal with. i cannot handle it anymore. i'm doing my best, i genuinely am. but it is not enough. my best has not been enough for probably ten years. it is agonizing. i don't understand who i need to be so that someone can stop hurting me. i don't know what to do. i don't know what to even say.

i feel so alone and so terrified. i'm terrified over one person and, at this point in time, it feels like they will forever hold a grip around my life and control it as they please, despite them not being in my life for a long while now. i tried my best for you. i'm sorry i couldn't give you what you needed. but you terrify me. the pain that you have left me with it unbearable. my identity does not feel like my own. the reason why i care so much and love people so much is because of you. because i wanted to do everything i could for you. but it never mattered in the end. now experiencing that, i want my love and support to matter to someone. to anyone. it will truly tear me apart if everything i've done ends up not meaning anything again.

i just want to mean something to someone again. i feel so lonely. it feels like i've been left behind to deal with everything by myself because everyone has moved on.

[Trexxa]

dear j.

been closing in on a week since I messaged you now and I still have yet to hear a reply. I'd like to assume you not responding isn't intentional... hope that's the case, anyway. either way, I can tell we're really starting to grow distanced from one another. your responses haven't exactly been timely for many weeks now. the last time we saw each other in person was about five months ago. it has me saddened, it really does.

I haven't known you for a long time - not well, anyway, but you've been an important part of my life this past year and a half. I'm so glad I met you right after I had to step out of school. I think this past year and a half would have been much, much harder without you. you've been one of very few people in my life to really make an effort to reach out, and to be able to read my smallest cues, and to tell exactly what I need, when I need it. but it seems distance is now going to separate us, just like it's separated me from every other friend I've had in my life.

I'm really tired of my friendships not lasting more than a year - or a couple years, at the very best. I simply cannot wrap my head around how other people can have the same friends for years, decades, sometimes their whole lives. what are they doing that I'm not? am I just not making enough effort to show interest, and reach out? but why is it then I'm always the one doing the reaching out at the end?? I just don't get it. I wish there was something I could do to reignite the spark, to bring you back before it's too late. I want to hope you just set my message aside to respond later and just completely happened to forget. but I know the warning signs too well at this point.

I have a good friend group at my job now. and I'm certain I'll make some other new friends when I make my return to school in a few weeks. but that doesn't mean I'll ever fully forget about you. I'm already expecting I'm not going to hear from you again, but if I do, I'm guessing it'll be one of the last times. and, if I'm right, I hope life treats you well. just know I'll still be thinking about you though. I'll always miss you, and all the good times we had. just as I'll always miss all the others that also faded out of my life.