by -SilverLining- » Tue Nov 27, 2018 3:51 pm
Dear inner me,
I’m fed up, and depressed as heck with you. Yes, I know I’m slightly morphing the rule since it’s basically sent to me already. Haha, oops.
I just don’t know, right not I feel dang numb and I want to feel again- feel the pain of crushes and have the crush love. I don’t know what’s wrong with you heart, emotions, little me; but I feel pain and utter longing to feel my emotions to someone. Someone i’ve Wanted to know better for some time- and I slightly feel that burn of a crush about him but mainly I just want to know him better. In all honesty I’m sick of emotions and like the song ‘Feelings are Fatal’ I feel that... it kinda hurts, so much going on and even venting this isn’t helping much.
I’m pretty sure D doesn’t like me but I don’t know,, inside my little sensor notices how he would always Be looking at me when I cast a glance in Drama and in our Wednesday service but... I just don’t know. These emotions I can’t feel and just typing I feel slightly more, just not a crushing feeling which I guess you’ve trained yourself to do- let go of those feelings.... and I hate you sometimes. Sure, I love the feeling of loneliness sometimes but I want to cry- maybe it’s because recently I haven’t had time to admire D from a distance or just catch his eye on me.. or possibly the fact I got to talk with one of my closest friends and I just now realized how much I have held in- kind and just holding my breath I guess. I can’t blame you though,, just watching movies with relationships in it make me wish I had better ones And I can gladly say I have a new group of friends I already love so dearly and I’m just so happy for the ones I love and the ones who treat me like a younger sister even if they’re not the oldest one. I find it sweet, and maybe venting is the help for me- I just don’t understand why you can’t make things easier for me! God, so many crushes- heartaches. One healed heartache and now I completely feel like I want to move on... maybe I’m supposed to move on. At least certain times I feel satisfied with where I am in my relationships but I still can’t help but feel like if I had no lovers vocally known that I would have an easier life. I hate the fact you’ve formed an Angelica heart in my system; crush over one guy, two, three- move on- keep on one- switch over to another- get in a relationship- be very happy with it- want another guy after crushing)) OOF it’s annoying!
Then there’s another case A’s case. He’s sweet, and I like him- but problem? TWO guys. I’m in a relationship already and I just can’t stay stable- only one person I’m somewhat stable in. Maybe I’m too young- heck I know I am. But I guess maybe it’s just a small squish or whatever, a small ‘ooh! He looks cute and nice! I wanna know him better and be his friend >:3’. I seriously don’t know but I like to feel pain of crushes? Just... heart chill... Willow- keep it in till Saturday. You think you can do that little heart squisher? Oof-
-Silverlining-
♀, 18, Weird cryptid kid adult as elusive as bigfoot.
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