Write a Letter You Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[chic 'n' stu]

dear w,

you're my whole world and more. you hate when people worry or care about you, so i give you the space you need and try to treat you like anyone else. but please know you're not like anyone else, and never were. the moment i met you, even though my feelings weren't a bit romantic yet, i knew you were amazingly special. and i wish i could tell you how much you mean to me. but i have no clue if you feel the same, and i don't want to ruin the friendship i have with you. it's a beautiful thing to waste.

~ ross <3

[Fwutter]

Dear my horrible sister.

People say hate is a strong word, and I agree. As of right now I strongly dislike you, but I am starting to grow hate. You are making everyone in this house so miserable. Everything you do. Your lying, how much u disrespect mom, your god awful attitude. Sometimes I sit in my room and cry because I cant stand you and what you do to mom. You are literally the worse sister I have ever had. Ever. You act just like our crazy dad. I hate it. My chest would hurt out of anger from some of the things you do. You are so annoying I'm tired of you telling your friends were abusing you but really its the opposite. It is so hard to just not fight you whenever u say something. God I can not stand you. Why cant you just be a normal damn sister. You are one of the biggest assholes I have ever met I can not wait until August 30th when we can kick you the hell out.

[ℋoney]

dear sibling
GET OFFFFFF

[hellebore]

Tell me I am good enough accomplishing nothing. Tell me that simply existing is enough. Tell me you do not have pity. Do not have pity. Do not.
Tell me you will never see me as a burden on the system, even though I am. I don't mean to be. I never wanted this. I wanted to launch the system forward. I wanted to work for it and would so happily.
Tell me that you care--but gently--and make it a lie. Learn not to care while telling me that you do.
I am not the person you signed up for. I am not the glimmering body of potential you looked up to, had faith in. I understand what I deserve, but I have emotions, so please--let me go slowly that you may save yourself the burden of my burdens without causing me too hurtful a blow.
I will forever be angry though. I will forever feel betrayed and I will be right to feel that way but that does not make you wrong

[Chloe Grace]

Dear ___,

I admire you. I think about you more often than I’d like to admit. When I’m getting tired or have to work harder than normal, I think you would do this so I can do it, too. I don’t know what to feel about this.

I don’t want any one to know this.

Signed,
Me

[wilbursoot]

Dear N,


You are probably... tone of the best friends I ever had. You made fun of me when you first met me, but once you got to know me we became such good friends... I know everyone says, "they're just trying to get close to you so they can get you good later!" but you never did, even when summer started.

I know it's been along time since we saw eachother or texted eachother but thanks for being my friend in the most boring class of the day (6th pd).


from,

mE

[lovelyhyena]

dear [redacted]

i really wish i never listened to a thing you said to me. you were someone i looked up to and i took your word as gospel. and once i realized what i had done wrong it was too late. its nothing against you. we just were never good for each other.

--

dear e

i miss you so much i wish i never did what i did. two times. i did it TWO damn times and i never learned. it took me a year to realize what a jerk i was to you and what a creep i was at that one point in our lives. just because i didn't know how to talk to you about things didn't mean i had to be passive aggressive, or take things to an extreme just because someone encouraged me to. i don't know what i was thinking. my head isn't clear anymore because of what i've done but it's clear enough for me to know that i was almost entirely in the wrong. you weren't at all. but that's not what i would say to you if you ever found this apology.

you wouldn't find it, or give me the time of day, and i don't blame you. i'd be lucky to get a passing glance from you anymore. sometimes i still wake up wanting to talk to you about the things that frustrate me about the people at our school, or i'll sit in bed remembering the times we talked about this exact thing happening. you told me i wouldn't go downhill and i said i couldn't promise you that. i said i knew that i'd mess up time and time again, and i did. i messed up horribly weeks after that. because i couldn't figure out how to handle my own irrational emotions, i took it out on our friendship. i cut the tie without thinking of what it meant to either of us. i shattered your trust and lost my best friend. i could blame it all day on the people around me who told me to cut off any relationship that god forbid required a bit of communication, or the people who told me out of bias to stop speaking with you. and i could blame it on being a dumb kid. but that's always only going to be part of it. i was old enough to tell right from wrong and what i did was entirely wrong.

i never told you what was going on during that time period and i can't - won't - elaborate on that, but i was going through something that made me more emotionally vulnerable than usual, and i suppose i just let my impulse control go. you probably knew to a degree that something was wrong. it was obvious that you were uncomfortable around her as i was, as everyone was. but that didn't give me the right to ruin our friendship. he gave me chances to think through it rationally, told me to talk to you directly, but i was panicking. i told [redacted] that i'd cut contact because they were tired of me asking for advice on how to deal with concerns i had. i know now i should have gone to you directly because our friendship was worth salvaging.

our last talk always stuck in my head. the last thing i said to you before i decided to act like a fool. it always felt like foreshadowing to me. maybe i look too much into things, but i always have. i really, really always have looked far too deeply into every situation. that's what got me into this situation. i looked too deep into some things that [redacted] said to me and i thought that they actually did care about me. you could tell from our group chat that i cared a lot about him but it was quite obviously unreciprocated, platonic or otherwise. i lived like an idiot back then, treating people like they were disposable despite claiming to be nice. i had never been as kind as everyone assumed i was because of my withdrawn nature. i understand how untrustworthy and shady this does make me seem, and i was very much not a mature or trustworthy person back then. i always said i was a work in progress, but it seems like i just began getting better instead of worse.

that being said, i know if you saw this, you would be skeptical. i said this all last time. i said this the first time i cut you off because of L, and i didn't really know if i meant it. i assumed that i could handle it better this time, but i never could. regardless, i have changed astronomically since our last conversation. i changed in ways both outward and inward. for example, i finally accepted that i'm ftm, which i don't recall ever even considering when we spoke. i go by a different name now, which goes without saying (my birthname never did fit me, did it?), and i'd like to think i've calmed down. maybe it's something that comes with being older. i figured out that the shallow crushes i kept getting on people were just that - shallow crushes. since i've met someone who i feel is 'the one' for me, i haven't gotten those anymore. i think i was just attention starved and confused about my feelings, in all honesty.

i've gotten a few cats since then. i wanted to show them to you each time, and there's moments when they do funny cat things and i've wanted to show you videos, but i know it would be nervy of me to just message you as if we ended on good terms. as if our friendship was just on a hiatus instead of my overreactive definitive "NO" that i refused to reconsider.

i believe that's the most important part of how i've changed, at least in regards to this hypothetical letter. it took me a long time of thinking but i realize now that you do deserve an apology. it would have helped to not have friends who were so eager to please that they heard the full situation, heard my questions of if it was right, but still decided to rush to tell me i was doing nothing wrong. i always said i needed new friends, but there are hardly any people from our school to pick from. i vaguely remember the last thing you said to me in person, i don't recall what you said but i do know that you used my chosen name. for some reason that stuck with me too. i guess it kind of showed me that you weren't the person that [redacted] made you out to sound like.

i wish i could work up the guts to send this to you. we still have each others hangouts and i really wish i could send you something just so you know. just so you can know that i don't hate you, that you don't have to wonder why i did what i did and what my half-hearted excuse meant. i just want to clear things up with us. i take full responsibility for how badly i screwed up this time and i know it might not be something i can go back and change, but making amends is the least i can do.

i guess you'll never see this and it's just the lazy 5am talk of some tired guy talking himself in circles online, but a small part of me wishes that maybe writing this will give me some sort of direction. maybe i'll figure out if i should just let it be, or if i should talk to S about it - he always did care a lot about us both even if he didn't understand parts of who i am and it hurt a bit, or if i should just talk to you upfront. well... we have one more year for me to think about what the right thing to do would be, and you never know what happens in a year. i guess we just have to wait and see.

-dani

[forgive!]

dear morrissey,
i HATE YOU a lot
you are dumb and stinky,
but the music you made was amazing
thanks to johnny marr
choke on a sock, carb-constrained imbecile

faithfully, vincent
xoxo

[Ringo.]

Dear K,

I hate you
You have my life so much better these past 6 years as my friends though
But now we just need a break.

6 years is a long time to be friends with somebody,
Even off-on dating until we gave up cause we were better as friends.

Guess we were wrong about both.
Maybe we’re not cut out to be friends anymore.
We’ve both changed a lot.
We’re way different now.
Dont have the same intrests anymore.
We’re both busy now and days.

But at least I’m not the one who got too clingy or too attached.
At least I didnt abandon you on purpose.
At least I didn’t ignore you or push you away when you were upset or anything
Even though you got annoying.

You want me to be sorry.
But I have nothing to be sorry for.
You have to be sorry for a lot of stuff.
For making me do nothing but talk to you 24/7 for 6 years
For making only be your friend for 6 years.
I could barley do anything because you were always so needy and all I could do
Was stay home and just talk to you.

I wasnt able to go out and hang out with friends or you got upset and always needed me
Yet you were able to go out and do whatever you want and I was fine.
But no.
You’re clingy and annoying and horrible.

You were fine for the first 3 years we met.
But then it got worse.
I tried ending our friendship last year but that didn’t work.
Now I’ll be trying again this year.
We’re better off not being friends.
And that’s my opinion.
And in this situation..my opinion matters so much more than yours does.

Good luck in life
Maybe we’ll see each other some other day.

From,
Max

[kitchensink]

im sorry i couldnt be who and what you wanted me to. i hope you can accept the fact that im becoming happier and blossoming.