♥Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V6♥

[rainmaker]

Ok, so my boyfriend of about 2 months (although we've been talking since January) always says stuff about how he's not good enough for me and how he has no idea how we ended up together. Recently he's started to joke around that I'm going to break up with him. I just really don't know how to respond to this, but it bothers me, and when I say so, he's like "its whatever, I was just kidding. . ." any advice would be very much appreciated, although id prefer it through pm

[UnworthyElevator]

I really don't want a relationship but I feel pressured to look for one. I always get the "when you get a boyfriend" type of thing from my mom, according to her she was "boy crazy" at my age. I'm honestly not sure how to tell her that I don't really care right now and would rather focus on school and my hobbies rather than another person. And while I'm sure this belongs on a different thread, I do think I like girls and only girls and that just makes the whole thing more complicated to me. If anyone has any advice on what I could do that'd be great, if not it still feels good to get this off my chest.

[middle child]

xxx

[UnworthyElevator]

I really don't want a relationship but I feel pressured to look for one. I always get the "when you get a boyfriend" type of thing from my mom, according to her she was "boy crazy" at my age..

i honestly wouldn’t worry about the top part of this. As a species we seem to get interested in the people close to us finding relationships. This is just your mums way of showing she’s interested in your life, even if this is really annoying for you. If it’s something that’s really bothering you though, communicate with her about it and explain how much it’s upsetting you or on your mind. In terms of the second part, I can’t advise without more context about your family. If your parents are accepting/not homophobic (which I hope they are but not everyone has that luxury) then maybe you could discuss with your mum about this as well? But if they aren’t, I would advise waiting to tell them this until you’re financially independent/not at risk if they choose to reject you.

It’s not abnormal to not want to date at any stage. You should never rush anything before you’re ready, and if you never feel ready that’s ok too! We’re all different :3 and that’s no bad thing

Thank you for the advice! Honestly I think ill wait awhile longer to come out. I don't think they're homophobic but I know some other relatives are. But yeah, next time I get the whole "when are you getting a boyfriend" thing I'll probably just tell her I'm not interested right now.

[a small animal]

Uh please help...a while back I got a crush on someone based solely on their looks and the fact that they acknowledged my existence, you know how crushes work. Anyway I found out that they had some political views that were questionable, to say the least, obviously I’m not going to go into detail about politics on cs but I would say that most people would agree that some things this person believes are quite dangerous. And they are not afraid to say their strong opinions out loud either, so I feel like me and them together (I have strong political opinions on the opposite side to them) would be more like a small-scale war than a relationship. Naturally my friends (on the same political side as me) do not like this person. Anyway I didn’t see my crush for a while and vowed that I’d got over my feelings, but yesterday I saw them and discussed results on a quiz with them and they gave me genuine complements and called me clever and I walked away blushing so much when I realised I liked them even more than I remembered. I don’t know what to do because from how they’ve been behaving its Kind of obvious that they like me back. I know I can’t help who I’m attracted to but some things this person says just make me so uncomfortable, my political views are important to me. I hope he is just going through an edgy phase but should I even risk it?

[Goldie.]

ok, i don't need help (for now), just asking advice for my younger brother. let's call
him V.

dont feel awful please!! its understandable not to know exactly what to do!!
I’d just focus on telling him that if she’s not willing to accept it/listen to him that it’s a sign that she’s not worth getting upset over/stressed; and clearly isn’t the one for him anyway!!
The older you get the more you realise people aren’t worth getting upset over, especially if they’re like that in the first place!
I’d take it as a positive that she’s not leading him on and just to think about it straight forward that way!!

Uh please help...a while back I got a crush on someone based solely on their looks and the fact that they acknowledged my existence, you know how crushes work. Anyway I found out that they had some political views that were questionable, to say the least, obviously I’m not going to go into detail about politics on cs but I would say that most people would agree that some things this person believes are quite dangerous.

I can’t stress enough how much it wouldn’t be a good idea going there, at least absolutely not whilst/if they continue to think in such a way. Political viewpoints are a reflection of a person’s personality and morals so they are a bigger deal than people try to claim saying that they’re not.
It’s okay to find someone attractive and to like the attention from a person, but that’s not a person you’d want to be with.
Never give up your morals for someone else, crushes go away and especially if their views are as you’d described “quite dangerous” it definitely will. It’s just making the connection that it’s not exactly how they are (as their views are a reflection of that) that you’re attracted to.

[_Spinach_]

(It's big so I tried to highlight some part to form a summary, in case you don't have the time/patience to read everything)

Hi!
My best friend introduced me to a girl (we can call her Fox if it's simpler, since she loves foxes) about +2 months ago, since we have a lot of things in common: we both love art (she wants to major in costume design, I want to major in animation), are in the LGBT+ community (she's pan, I'm gay/lesbian) and have similar personalities.

-snip-

If you aren't comfortable with a relationship then don't be in one. don't feel guilty about it. Being a friend is important and perfectly acceptable. I have a crush on my friend who is definitely not interested but we are still friends and I am ok with that. I hope this is helpful, it feels kind of scrambled.

*original post*

Thanks for your reply!
The thing is I think I would actually like to be in a relationship with her but probably not the same kind of relationship as the one she may want. I do love to spend time with her, be close to her, even sometimes do some of the things that couples generally do.
But I'm afraid that if I suggest more of a very close friendship (I think the English word for that is "zuchinnis" instead of "girlfriends" in this case but honestly I'm not sure about that) rather than a romantic one, it would just end up hurting her and making her feel like I just want to use her. Even I feel like that would be kind of like using her to feel loved even though that is not my intention at all.
So, my problem is that I do love her but not as in a typical romantic way, I find it difficult for me to picture us as possible girlfriends but I do want to be close to her.
Sorry, I'm not the best at describing my feelings so they probably sound very abstract and weird, even I can't exactly understand what I actually want.

(And sorry for not replying sooner)

[Phantomhive_Butlr]

Uh please help...a while back I got a crush on someone based solely on their looks and the fact that they acknowledged my existence, you know how crushes work. Anyway I found out that they had some political views that were questionable, to say the least, obviously I’m not going to go into detail about politics on cs but I would say that most people would agree that some things this person believes are quite dangerous. And they are not afraid to say their strong opinions out loud either, so I feel like me and them together (I have strong political opinions on the opposite side to them) would be more like a small-scale war than a relationship.

In my mind, political views do not make or break a relationship whatsoever, and having some different viewpoints may even lead to interesting discussion points and fun conversations you never believed were possible. However, in order for this to work you would need to have an open mind, a willingness to engage with people that are not always 100 percent like-minded. It is more than okay to have strong views on politics... in fact this is exceptional because it is so important to believe in SOMETHING and to interact with the values and beliefs that make up the core of your country. For this reason people often get attached to their personal political viewpoints so much so that it becomes difficult to separate fact from feeling and they become too invested in defending their arguments to the point where the opposing side is seen as a personal attack.

I guess to offer one example, my mother and step-father are both extremely liberal. They check the box and agree with just about every liberal and social justice issue. They get along very well because of this as both of their lives pretty much revolves around politics. "What's in the news? You'll never believe what the president did today! Can you believe congress is trying to pass this bill? Which candidate are you going to vote for?" All day. Every day. Every time I walk into the house their tv is blasting some heavily biased liberal news station and they are in a passionate conversation about some big political event that is occurring currently. ...YAWN.

Personally I like debating. I LIKE having civil disagreements and heated yet polite debates. When you agree with every single one of another person's beliefs, what is there left to talk about? When I met my boyfriend his conservative views APPALLED me. And I LOVED it haha. "What do you mean you don't support (insert social justice movement here.) How DARE YOU??" Boyfriend: *Devious grin* And then lovely discourse follows that can last anywhere between 10 minutes to several days. But you have to know when to drop it. I never attack him, he never attacks me. We argue in good fun and at the end of the day we know when it's time to agree to disagree, pop in a movie, and cuddle. You have to know when to draw the line, and when you can debate maturely without creating a war zone then it just adds to playful banter and can really spice things up, as well as make you look at perspectives you might have never considered. Know yourself as a person... this is key. My mom likes a partner who agrees with her political stance and is happy with her relationship. I don't really care either way but do appreciate a little bit of diversity in thought and can argue my points without getting upset. You need to learn what you're willing to tolerate in order to know whether or not it's smart to pursue this relationship.

[Lord Katsuki]

So I've only been in long distance relationships. This is my third relationship. I'm in a poly relationship w/ two guys. I honestly suck atg making relationships last so can someone help me?

[Phantomhive_Butlr]

So I've only been in long distance relationships. This is my third relationship. I'm in a poly relationship w/ two guys. I honestly suck atg making relationships last so can someone help me?

I would love to try and offer some advice, but would need more details to do so. Could you elaborate on why you feel other relationships have failed if it's not too personal? Otherwise, the main advice I can give is that in long-distance relationships (and especially one in which more than two partners are involved) communication is essential. You all should try to be very upfront and honest about your feelings and be committed to working through problems even when times get hard. Remember that you are a team, a unit, and you should want to work together towards a common goal rather than fight each other to reach solutions. Use I statements when you are upset or feeling hurt, for example... "I'm a little bit upset that you said (blank to me) because it made me feel (blank) and I'm hoping there is something we can do to make us both feel better about the situation." It will make you sound less accusatory in the heat of the moment while also allowing you to honestly express your emotions.

Long distance relationships are hard because they often lack the physical intimacy that couples who live closer have. It limits and restricts contact and this makes it difficult on everyone involved. However, try to have a delayed sense of gratification. Make a plan to meet up sometime in the future if possible and remind yourself every day how good it will feel when you finally get that hug/kiss/cuddle/attention that you guys have been looking forward to for so long. I waited four months to see my UK boyfriend and when he finally got off the plane it was probably the most happy greeting in our lives haha. Like two puppies colliding into one another in the middle of an airport. So worth it ;3