by Raikki » Thu Nov 02, 2017 2:38 pm
*deep breath* this is going to rant ok be prepared
So for a long time now, I’ve identified as pan. Always female leaning, but not too much! I could’ve pictured myself with a guy.
But over the years,, it slowly became so much more female leaning. To when I couldn’t imagine myself with guys, where now I’m at the point where it disgusts me.
But earlier this year, I denied it. I did a horrible thing I regret.
See, there’s this guy. Our families know each other very well. So, one morning, I slipped a note in his locker. And he said yes.
At the time, I guess I was... happy? Because I was accepted. Yet due to some events I couldn’t attend the dance. So I didn’t get to experience it.
Now, he asked me and so I wouldn’t hurt his feelings, I said yes. The dance is in less than a week and I’m getting sick. He’s asked me out other places before this and each one felt so... wrong. Every single one I tried to avoid until I couldn’t.
The dance is in less than a week and I can’t hold it in anymore. I’ve started avoiding him, I’ve been feeling sick to my stomach. He’s so nice as a friend, but nothing more than that. And I made a commitment. I feel like such a horrible person for doing this, it’s all started by me. Now I can’t get out of it.
It’s all my fault the misery I’m in right now. For accidentally leading a close friend on.