TheComfortCorner | V.7

[cornspurrd.]

I'm just done

[Spearow]

i feel like ive had all the joy sucked out of my by a dementor.
october is historically been a bad time for my mental health i dont know if maybe its SAD or the fact that school starts up again. i love autumn but my brain doesn't seem to send the right signals in that time.
so i just keep going up and down and up and down it drains me and i zone out in lessons and i just become empty and numb. i buy unhealthy food dispite my brain screaming no and i just feel like a dark cloud is shredding my mind, the things i care about, commitment, motivation.
less than an hour ago i was told i am failing a subject that i thought i was doing alright in. i cant believe how much ive disappointed myself and everyone around me. i am so scared to fail and i cant drop this subject. not only is is needed to do some of the many courses im interested in doing,
but i can't let my mum down. she does this professionally and i cant even do it at college level. im such a leech, i feed off of people and i am such a horrible being, i feel like i need to change overnight to some neaurotypical smart teen instead of the messed up daydreamer. im just so lost and sad and feel like a failure. if i end up beong told to drop it then i really have not reason to study anymore.

Hi there!

I have this too, its called SAD ironically, seasonal affective disorder. Recurring mood disorder or depression that occurs during the same time each year. For me, it is fall and winter. My anxiety always kicks up in intensity even though these are my favorite seasons. There is nothing you can but strive through it.

Literally you sound just like me, only a little younger. You are too young to have failed yet! And its okay to be a leech until you 30+ and moving back home xDD (literally my brother)

I've dropped classes, life moves on and its better than failing. I've dropped, two classes. 🌚 Didn't affect my gpa so idc I did my best.

Hopefully this helps somewhat, maybe. Probably not

You'll be okay ^^

[tenor the rat god]

i could really use some moral support<3
this week has been so stressful.

[spooks.]

not really in need of comfort, more like advice.

Okay, so i have been ASL (american sign language) for over a year now, but have not had the chance to sign with a D/deaf/HoH person.
Last night, i was at a church event. We were all sitting in benches, according to our voice. (supranos, altos, etc..)
(we were practicing for a musical number our church is doing.)
and i noticed there was a woman sitting in a chair at the very front, facing towards us.
i immediately realized what she was doing. she was an interpreter. she was signing with a girl sitting in the bench.
i didn't want to stare, so i didn't catch what they were talking about. but i registered a few signs/sentences here and there.
anyways.
throughout practice, she was signing what our music directer was saying.
And i was completely fascinated. i'm ashamed to say that i was staring. i know it's rude. i know. i feel awful.
but she was an interpreter, so she was standing at the front next to the woman speaking.
but gosh dang it.i really really wanted to try talking to them.

after the practice, i was about to go up to one of the girls who had been sitting in the "deaf" bench.
(that sounds really audistic but idk what else to call it.)
(this particular girl looked to be about twelve.)
but in the crowd of people leaving, i lost her. i could have gotten to her, but i would have had to run.
and i really didnt want to run up to her, panting, and sign. "HELLO, YOU DEAF?"
because that's weird. and probably disrespectful.
also she was in the middle of a conversation with some guy, so i didn't want to clumsily interrupt.

anyways, i just feel like i missed my chance.
i feel like it would have been extremely awkward, and she would have thought i was an annoying hearing person.

some questions for deaf people on chicken smoothie:

-How would you feel if a hearing person tried signing to communicate with you, even though they're a little bit clumsy in their signing, you can tell they are trying. they are even trying to use the proper grammar and syntax.

-If someone (who is hearing) tries to strike up a conversation in asl, would you be annoyed? Would you prefer for them to just talk and let the interpreter sign what they say? (if an interpreter is available.)
(i already know that looking at/talking to the interpreter instead of the person is down right rude, so that's why i'm asking.)

-I know talking and signing at the same time is a no-no, but can you tell me why? (i'm not trying to be disrespectful, so sorry if i come across that way!)


thank you for any help provided!! <3
-(this one is just pure curiosity.) What do you do when you pray?

[Spearow]

Considering my psyche and place in the world, any advice would be nice if you don't think I'm awful after this:

I'm reading The Stranger by Albert Camus in my Existentialism class. I kind of find that I relate to the main character. Which, I would not consider this to be a positive or negative thing per se. But it made me think about myself.

I feel like if I were analyized by a psycharatrist I would be comitted. I have feelings, but at the same time, I'm a bit more than the standard misanthrope (I do not wish harm on people). I can give advice and understand people, but I lack compassion. I can act a part, I know the things that are appropriate to say and when. Literally dead inside and I offer that it likey stems from past-psychological trauma, but that doesn't make it any better.

I don't hope for bad things to happen to people or anything like that, but it is like I feel perpetually neutral. I don't get attached to people anymore (not to new additional people, I do have attachment to some people already in my life), after so much betrayal. And if you think I'm being angsty, I'm really not. I cannot go any deeper into what kind of betrayal. But I am just simply stating that I have been let down again and again by people who care(?) about me. In unforgiveable ways. And I'm not brooding on that. I just feel so alone and don't know how to fix my mind. I try to get close to people but its like there is something inside me that is locked off.

I don't feel love anymore for others. There are people I would be upset if something happened to them, but I'd be more upset about my cat. I realize how screwed up that is oml

My friend said I was a broken person

And that breaks my heart
-
I want so badly to be able to forgive and forget things

Or to have a magic amnesia serum in a syringe to clean some of the slate.

The philosopher Locke said the mind begins as a blank slate, tabula rasa.

But a more common quote is that once a mirror is broken, no matter how hard you try to put it back together the cracks will always show. And I think the human mind can be accessed the same way.

I'm at a loss
I don't know what to do, or if I can do anything
Or if I'll be like this until I die

I needed to confide in someone, even if no one reads this or replies, it feels somewhat better to put it into words.

[lisica,]

i miss my granny so much, i think im okay then i start bawling my eyes out five minutes later :( i just wish she was here still i miss hearing her voice

[Keir;]

x

[<WittyCommentHere>]

Used public transportation today.
Mum says it's "practice, for next year"
I had a melt down on the way home because I scanned the wrong card.
God friggin why am i like this.

[Keir;]

x

[EresTheRat]

College is terrible. I hate it here and I'm lonely. I just want to go home and take care of my aquariums and see my boyfriend. I don't want to talk to anyone, I wish people would leave me alone. My boyfriend keeps telling me things will get better. I know it won't, anyways. High school never got better either, and at least then I had friends. Now I'm completely alone. I don't think I want friends here regardless. Everybody seems so cliquey or shallow. At the same time, it'd be nice to have one person besides my boyfriend that I could talk to in this world, despite how great he is.

Every week I sit around waiting for Friday to roll around when I can leave for the weekend. Every Sunday night I'm absolutely miserable on the drive back knowing I have to go through the same thing all over again. I hate this. God why did I go to college.