TheComfortCorner | V.7

[Cruxich]

Ugh. I just, can't sleep at all. I was doing all fine and dandy, generally in bliss and almost falling asleep until a thing that happened yesterday that kind of upsetted me reared it's ugly head and invaded my mind, making me feel annoyed, agitated, and also kind of sad to the point I'm trying not to cry.

Why must negative thoughts always come to you when you're falling asleep? Its 3 am, and even thought I can feel some tiredness I just don't feel like going back to sleep. At this point, if I do manage to sleep no doubt I'll be awaken after 4 or 5 hours of sleep due to people waking up before me, and I get very grumpy since I'm so used to getting more than 8 hours.

Maybe I'll just occupy myself to ease my mind, but I doubt even that will work.

[arctic Wisteria]

everyday i feel tortured
my mom goes on my nerves
i tell her to leave me be but shes like: are you mad at me?
i am , in fact i am mad at myself because of what a horrible child i am and what disgrace to my legacy i have brought...
the only things keeping me smiling are my friends, my sister, jack and my fidget spinner.
honestly i cannot bear trough this
everytime i look outside i see a world but once i remember what happened in manchester then i take a step back because of how depressing this world is making us all.
aren't we all just trapped?

[nana]

Waking up at 3 am every day crying in pain because I walked .21 miles and my body is too weak to handle it
My life depends on my best friend and boyfriend who I love more than the universe. (Congratulations baby! For your first binder.)
Getting called gay 24/7 and seeing the pain on my boyfriends pain because he's not a girl and has never been a girl and NEVER WILL BE A GIRL.

[Thalassic]

I really cant afford being in such a low mood right now
I can't afford being depressed right now
I can't, I have so much to do
And yet, it's never really a choice, is it
I don't know what to do, I feel tired even after sleeping

yup woke up exhausted with 0 motivation
sigh

[Sharkbite]

So, this must either sound extremely jealous, pathetic or both. Anyway, I really need to write this down because the last two days haven't been great and I'm stuck somewhere between being desperate and very sad.

So I've been friends with S since a year now and we get along pretty well. It's basically like we're twins or something, I've never met someone who has so much in common with me than S. Anyway, we met online and we have never seen each other in person, which is okay by me. As the months passed, I became more and more attached. I really enjoy talking to her and I think she doesn't hate me either since we text each other constantly.
Here's the downside. Two days ago I learned that S has given her phone number to Person B, who we both know. I also have S' number, so I don't want to complain about that. I know that she gets along with B better than I do, and she likes B. That's great. B is a nice person. But. My problem is that I have this crippling fear of being replaced. I'm so afraid of losing her that I've felt sick to my stomach for two days now and I'm unable to eat. The first night after I had heard that she gave her number to B, I slept for two hours and had a nightmare about being actually replaced. In my dream, everybody abandoned me. People did that to me in the past, I've stopped counting how many times I got pushed away by a friend because some better came into their lives, someone more interesting, someone they had more in common with. I'm happy for them, but it hurts so much.
When we join a group chat, S is always overly excited to see that B is there too. For over a year now I have never gotten a "good to see you" or anything like that. It's devastating. And I don't understand.
In July, I'll be on holiday on the other side of the globe and I most probably won't have any internet access. S said, she's gonna miss me. I don't know if she's just being polite. I'm scared that she will eventually replace me with B, since I won't be able to talk to S for three weeks. Even though we have never met personally, she's my closest friend because we get along so well and if she'd lose interest in me, well…I don't know what I will do.
The thought of being replaced prevents me from actually doing really important things. I can't concentrate on studying, I literally get nothing done because I reply to her messages as fast as I can and I spend my time searching for new things to talk about. I want to keep the conversation going, I literally want to bury her in texts so that she has to keep talking to me. Maybe it's selfish, I don't know.
Every night after telling me that she's going to bed, S stays online on WhatsApp for up to an hour. That has actually never been an issue, but since two days I think she does it because she rather talks to B and she wants to get rid of me. Of course I don't know if this is true, but my mind keeps telling me I'm extremely close to being pushed away again and the only way I can enjoy her company a little bit longer is to reply to her texts the minute I get them.
I'm not mad at B, I like B. We just don't talk that often. I don't know what to do, I just want to have S a little bit longer. I don't want to be replaced again, I don't want to feel worthless again. I feel so bad for feeling this way, I don't want to seem so clingy. I'm so frustrated right now and I feel completely helpless.

just wanted to bring this up again...things are not getting any better. I feel tired and worn out.
I'm not motivated at all, but I need to study for my finals. I stare at my notes and I'm not able to memorize anything.
Also, my parents told me that they maybe want to cancel our holiday trip. Everything comes crashing down on me. I just want to cry.

[arabella !!]

Waking up at 3 am every day crying in pain because I walked .21 miles and my body is too weak to handle it
My life depends on my best friend and boyfriend who I love more than the universe. (Congratulations baby! For your first binder.)
Getting called gay 24/7 and seeing the pain on my boyfriends pain because he's not a girl and has never been a girl and NEVER WILL BE A GIRL.

I'm sorry about all these thing! -hugs-

[niko.]

I really cant afford being in such a low mood right now
I can't afford being depressed right now
I can't, I have so much to do
And yet, it's never really a choice, is it
I don't know what to do, I feel tired even after sleeping

yup woke up exhausted with 0 motivation
sigh

same but for me its probably because i only got 6 hours of sleep haha
even with 9 or 10 hours, however, i never feel energized
i ususally feel lethargic if i get enough sleep

i hope you feel better soon though! just try to take a deep breath and do something you love
im sure once you get moving more your body will wake up and you might feel a little better
then, once you feel better, you can work on whatever it is you need to do! ♡ my heart goes out to you- i can definitely relate to all of that- and it isnt fun at all

[Sanctus]

i wish i was still in therapy,
so i could talk to someone
anyone
and for someone to listen to me
even if they are getting paid to listen

i just wanna talk
and drop a few weights off my chest
even though, speaking about some topics
will never completely clear my mind
of them
or my fears

Pm me if you want! <3 I feel the same way. I used to go to therapy too

[horselexichris]

I hate my life!:( My mom boyfriend is terrible! My dad died and she got hooked up with this guy and had two babies and he already had a kid. He's so mean. She was a nice sweet mom but when he came she started being mean:(. Today my brother and I were playing soccer outside with my ball and he was the goaly. We both at times accidentally kicked at the house and mom took the ball from us and said to stop hitting the house. My brother then said, "we weren't hitting the house". And then I said, "we weren't trying to hit the house." Then we went inside and her boyfriend yelled at us. And said I was liar and stuff and said that I said that we weren't hitting the house, and then my brother went against me and lied and said I did when it was him. And he said that we weren't trying to and we're sorry and I had said the same and of course her boyfriend favors him and said that I should go to my room and I'm punished and he was aloud to play outside and I wasn't aloud to eat lunch:(. So hungry:( . Then when they went in their room he was trying to say to me the opposite of what he said which was the truth and they were listening to us so I said, " so you lie about it then you turn around and tell the truth behind their backs!" And the her boyfriend told him to stop talking to me and told me to go to my room I hate him! I'll be glad when I get to go to somewhere where they won't be able to torture me! And I'll never visit them!

[Swishy & Broken]

I just feel like.. no one seems to care much about me anymore.

My sister was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety, and my brother has ADHD so they are basically the angels of the house and get whatever they want. I'm just there, never doing anything right anyways. [Like I've always been the person with "good grades" even though they're clearly starting to slip
My "friends" haven't really cared to hang out with me much. My best friend only came to spend the night so she could hang out with her crush for a really long time (he lives like 4 blocks away). My boyfriend spent the entire day Friday with his friends, didn't really bother to text much, and then at the very end of the day he just decided (bc I was quite obviously upset) to come over for a very short amount of time, which he made me even more upset while he was over and he acted like he did nothing wrong to make me upset. And, now, my boyfriend went to play paintball with his buds, again ignoring me for a whole day, while I sit at home. The only thing he seems to care about is Overwatch anymore and when I get upset on Overwatch he gets mad bc I do it "all the time".

Honestly, I just feel so alone and sad anymore. It's like everyone who "cared" is a liar, like I'm not worth their time. Maybe that's right, but I don't want it to be right. I was so happy to finally have friends unlike when I was a child, but I never would have thought having them could make me feel so absolutely rejectable.