
kuri, wrote:i want to spread this kind of imagination no one else seems to share with me.
and i want to express it through art, through music. i've got
everything i need- the right equipment, the right software.
so why won't anything come to me?
the right sounds, the right lyrics- that's what i'm missing. is it
because i'm lacking emotion?
it sounds strange, but it comes to me at night. right when i'm
about to sleep, with no access to a computer.
i want my thoughts and sounds to reach someone, but how am i
meant to do that now?
sorry if this doesn't sound like much worth comforting. i just need
to vent a little.
















i<3 wolves678 wrote:I try to act like everything is fine at the moment. I try to shrug off a lot of my problems and leave them behind because hey, it's the holidays. But I know the moment I get back to school it's all going to fall apart. I've tried to push these problems away and enjoy Christmas, but I'm honestly scared. Almost everyone at school sees me as this "monster," saying things like "she'll kill you!" And stuff, and this is coming from acquaintances and random people I barely know, and this all started because I began to have some sort of panic attack at school. I haven't had anything like that happen for nearly two years, and it all fell apart. My body shut down and I literally couldn't move my leg because I was injured on the way to lessons. (it's difficult to describe how it happened, so I'm not going to try.) I was struggling to breath and I couldn't stand up, I was hiding my face just because I know at my age I shouldn't be crying in school, I knew better than that, even when I was an ignorant 12 year old. It doesn't help that the teacher who is supposed to help with my anxiety and other mental disorder I'd rather not name in fear of even being judged here is awful at her job and causes more problems than she solves. For several months we have reason to believe she hid away important documents because it contained my parents negative opinions of her, meaning these documents may not have even reached the people they were supposed to. Another teacher who teaches one of my gcse courses continually harasses me in class, telling me how I'm supposedly "awful at most of the tasks set" and how I constantly "don't try" and "ask her to do everything for me." Of course, nobody believes me, because "she'd never to that" and I'm only a student, I have no power here. People tell me to go to -insert place in school here- because it's the job of the teachers there to help all students, but I have so many issues with both students and teachers at that school, that they're fed up of it at this point, and either yell at me, or pick the easiest way of solving it possible, which causes more issues in the long run.
Most students at school still harass me, and most who don't will constantly give me looks of disgust, simply because of the more popular students in the schools opinion of me.
I'm also 85% sure that two boys I know like me, and I really don't think I'm ready for a relationship, but don't know what to tell them, as I don't want to ruin any friendships either...
On top of everything else, my dog was almost reported for an accidental bite, and I cried for about 15 minutes after because I'm so scared of loosing him, especially since this is the second time he accidentally bit someone this month, mainly because he constantly lunges at toys and/or anything he wants, and doesn't realize that sometimes he can hurt people in doing so.
In all, my life's a mess at the moment. I may look and sound happy on CS and other social sites, but inside I'm an absolute wreck. I guess I'd better try enjoy the holidays, but these thoughts will always remain there, and I don't know what to do about this all.
Sorry for the long vent, I've just had so many things going on, that I really needed to let everything out.
Thanks for anyone with the patience to read this.




































Tempe wrote:Does anyone have any advice on avoiding eating disorders?
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