by anxious ghost » Mon Aug 08, 2016 10:12 pm
In eleven days I go pick out my classes for the new school year, and in thirteen I have orientation. I've never been to this school before. On September first school starts for me. To be honest, I rarely manage to stay in school for the whole first week. I have stress and anxiety related migraines and stomach pains, to the point where I'll end up in the ER. I haven't really had friends since like third grade, and I don't talk to any of them anymore. I don't socialize well and I'm awkward around other people. And with my depression, OCD, insomnia, anxiety, overly self conscious self, and ridiculously low self-esteem, I'm freaking out about this school year. I rarely ever sleep at night, and over the summer that's fine cuz I can sleep during the day, but I can't do that at school.
I've done everything I can to prepare myself and I've tried to distract myself, but there's only so much to do.
And don't get me wrong, I LOVE school. It's just... people. I'm an introverted cat lover who breathes books. How to deal with people?
I was in hone school this last year, a special ED school the year before, and home school the year before that. So yeah, not a lot of socializing has happened for like three years at least.
I don't want to bug my mom about this because we've got a lot going on as it is. Parents are divorcing (I'm happy about this, I hate my dad), but we live in the same house right now because we can't find a place to move. And everyone is stressed out cuz my dad is a jerk.
My mom knows I'm freaking out but there's not much she can do at the moment.
I've seriously reorganized my binders and pencil bags like a million times just to distract myself because I like preparing for school.
I don't have friends to hang out with.
I'm bored out of my mind so I start thinking and I can't help but think about school, but then the anxiety about it rises.
I don't know how to make friends, where do I sit for lunch, what if my teachers hate me, what if the other kids hate me, what if I don't make any friends at all this year, what if I start missing days again?
I'm sorry, that was really long. It wasn't supposed to be.
I'm not entirely sure what I even want. Maybe just support or advice, maybe a hug? Or maybe it was just a rant. Idek.