by Fawnie » Fri Jul 22, 2016 7:03 pm
i just care too much about people who apparently aren't mature enough/don't want to share emotions. if I say I will always be there, I will always be there. If I say I'll help you hide the body, I'll do it. If you want me to kick some butt, stand up for you, basically do anything- I'm your girl. It's just that I've never had anyone feel that way about me. Everytime I try to tell someone I'm close to how I feel it feels like they dont feel the same. Platonic relationships, that is. Like, I would do anything in the world for my friends so why do I put up with them not returning my feelings/actions? I lent one money I didn't have. I lent them money and I struggled instead, and then they threw that in my face when I tried to speak up about how I feel like I do so much for people who do nothing for me. "the only time you helped me was with money."
Okay so all the times I cried over things that upset you with you don't count? All the times I listened to your problems and did my very best to give honest, and genuine advice didn't matter? Because you've never done that for me. Example: I was going to see the love of my life (not anymore thank goodness) they had dumped me earlier in the week so brutally and I just wanted to look really slammin' and feel confident. I ended up getting chlorine in my hair which turned it GREEN and you wouldn't even offer conditioner ( I wasn't home) to help get rid of the green bc then there wouldn't be enough for you. you knew how much it meant for me to look my best. you knew.
Or the concert I had been dreaming about ever since I was 10 and you just decided to keep it a secret from me and take your new boyfriend? And then when I confronted you you tried to say that I wouldn't like the bands going so it didn't matter. MY FAVORITE ARTIST WAS GOING TO BE THERE. Or when I made you my maid of honor and you disrespected me on the night of my proposal and demanded I asked in a better way. And I never realized all your crap until now.
I didn't mean to just vent all this stuff I can usually take care of myself. My online friends I thought would understand better but its no different. I'm never anyones 'best' or important to anyone. I'm just everyone's friend and side character while I have the utmost love for everyone. I just want to be respected and cared about and recognized. I don't get that at all. I don't get anyone patting me on the back for my accomplishments but I'll roll out the red carpet for anyone else. I'm not trying to have a pity party, I'll be over it tomorrow- I just had to get it off my chest.