What's your current mood [V.4]

[amicia]

br-uh
i have the textbook to do my homework, finally, but i'm not in the mood.
like, my excuse before was that i did not have the materials to do the work.
now my excuse is that i just don't want to do it.
ha

[- ; bonk!]

annnd now my stepdad might be getting a divorce with my mother, too. great. and we were just at a point where we learned to stop hating each other and I started to get attached.
I just...
I don't even care anymore. I hardly care about anything anymore. I don't care about school and my failing grades. I don't care about this possible divorce. I don't even care much about my appearance and what other people think of me, which basically means I'm so done caring even the only things I cared about aren't cared about. the only things I have left to care about are my one remaining friend and my characters/stories/fantasy world. but I'm pretty sure my friend hates me and is going to replace me at some point b/c I can just tell she's done with all my crap, and even my characters, my creations, the one thing other than my friend that's kept me around, are starting to become less and less of a precious thing to me and more and more of a "I don't even care anymore," thing every single day.
I'm at an all time low. the one thing I was passionate about just makes me sadder now.
whatever. none of this matters. none of it. none of this crap, none of my feelings, are going to matter soon anyways.

[mikami]

sick and so anxious my organs are shaking

[ruberiot]

I'm amused
My friends are all panicking and freaking out because they decided to work in partners for a huge presentation coming up on Wednesday
They haven't decided what they're doing yet
I'm sitting here laughing because I'm doing the assignment by myself and it's nearly completed

[Jack Harkness]

Very scared.
This person likes going into our backyard every night and also likes making weird sounds. They scratch my window whenever i'm' awake at night and it's just getting me super scared.

[mikae]

Headaches..

[- ; bonk!]

now I'm stress binging on junk food and my only excuse to justify it is "I'm going to die soon, so who cares if I gain more weight?"
I just know in twenty minutes I'm going to look back at myself in disgust and desperately puke my literal guts out to reverse what I did lmao.
I'm p much just self destructing. help.

[mikami]

oh cool i went back into that sad, anxious part of my brain i'm so used to. just when i was getting better. hmmm is recovering from a meltdown possible? it seems like a myth ahaha.
i miss my friends. i miss being young and having nothing to eat away at my conscience. i miss having a nuclear family and two sets of grandparents. i miss the days when i didn't know better, when i didn't hate the face staring back in the mirror.
those days i thought i had it all figured out. i didn't feel a storm brewing in my head when my mom talked about me getting a boyfriend. now that i figured out that i'm asexual and i prefer females, i hate myself for not being who everyone wanted. i hate the way i crow for attention but i can't hold myself back. i used to and now it's all pouring out like a faucet. i miss when i was friends with my crush and the girl he's dating.
i miss thinking i could only be a boy or a girl and feeling "well, maybe all girls feel this way". maybe all girls feel out of place and uncomfortable when being called a woman or lady.
but no, i found out that not having a gender was an option and that i felt comfortable in my own skin when i tried it out. i hate who i turned out to be. i hate that my personality is this way. i hate my paranoia and my inability to take criticism lightly. everything is personal to me.
i hate the regrets and the impulses.
and i can't stand when i lose impulse control.


tl;dr | i'm suffering

[ravi]

rly tired and stressed

[Sety]

Elated <3