♥Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V5♥

[username by me]

I have a question about boundaries…

So to summarize my situation I think I may be asexual and potentially aromatic and I'm currently dating a sexual person. I don't want to mouth kiss them (at least no tongue kissing/ making out) because even though I don't really find just lip kissing repulsive I think its still uncomfortable and and weird and a little gross. Tongue kissing is really repulsive to me (probably even more so than sex) and I just don't want to tongue kiss. However, I was perviously uncomfortable with hand holding and cuddling and that sort of thing, but I was able to get comfortable with it. I think I might be able to do the same for lip kissing but absolutely not for tongue kissing and probably not for anything more sexual than that.

So everyone is always talking about compromise, you need to compromise and do this thing you are uncomfortable with and your partner needs to compromise and settle for less. So yes I want to compromise and I am willing to work towards lip kissing. But is it okay to set boundaries such as nothing beyond lip kissing? I mean obviously that would make my partner compromise more of their happiness so that I'm not uncomfortable, but is that okay? Is that okay to tell them to be unhappy so that I can feel comfortable? Is it not okay? Where can I draw a line?

I know there is a clear philosophy that one can draw a line whenever they please with sex. Sex should theoretically always be consensual. But then again I know some asexual people who don't want to have sex and still do it for their partners as a sort of compromise.Is that better than saying no and accepting the consequences? I'm just confused because I've never felt forced to do something I was uncomfortable doing (in a romantic or sexual way at least) and so I don't know what is expected and what is acceptable. Can a relationship with so much compromise ever work?

I just really need some advice because I don't know what to do with my feelings right now...

[Firedancer77]

Hey guys! For once I'm not here for advice. I just needed to get down somewhere how happy I've been these last few days crush-wise somewhere.

Okay, so my technical ex (we never dated however apparently my entire class thought we did and some even say it still counted even though I told them I was not allowed to date. also I pretty much had to break up with him) was sick the last two days of school. And to be honest, those days at school were wonderful. Things were so much less awkward between my crush (let's call him C) and honestly I was just so happy. He admitted to my friend - and even said in a conversation with me - that he does have a crush. He just won't say who. He's been super sweet too. We had a chapel that I ended up crying during and the first time he saw me, he checked up on me to make sure I was okay. He knows I have difficulty with accepting compliments (and I'm working on it), but I've noticed he has been giving me more personality-related ones recently. He also has been texting me more often (and he never texts, so it's a big deal) and actually talks to me about my problems/tries to give me advice.

Yesterday was the best though. We went to laser tag with some other friends and his sister, and it was just so much fun. I was making him really mad actually because I kept killing him. It was so much fun and my "ex" wasn't even able to ruin it. It was just amazing and he's just been so sweet. I love talking to him so much, because he's one of my best friends. <3 Just wanted to share how great it's been, and the fact that these were the first few days I barely stressed over my crush.

[skunkiii]

I really like this girl. Like a lot. I told her but she doesn't know how to feel. She is confused as to why I like her and how I could like her. I tried to explain, but now she's not responding and I don't want to be pushy. I just really want to explain it to her but I don't think I can. I feel like crying. I feel rejected.. any advice?

[WastedSpace]

can i get advice on how to get over someone?

okay before you even say anything - it wasn't a relationship. i just saw this guy..
and i fell for him. we never talk, ever, and i'm pretty sure i've made a bad first
impression of myself and he'll probably never talk to me. he's popular and i'm very
socially awkward. point is, it's an impossible relationship. there's no way he'll fall
for me and that's 99% fact, he's surrounded with girls that are prettier, funnier,
more popular, and probably just overall better people?? but my imagination is
a dangerous thing haha just simple eye contact with him drives me crazy and
it's just ughhh. it's pathetic that i fell for someone whom i don't even know personally
and someone i've talked to only once in my life. i need to get over him before
i self destruct even more and send myself into an endless loop of despair, lol

i know that if i stopped seeing him my brain would eventually forget about
him and move on, but i can't help it. i see him everyday and what's worse is
that it's just small glimpses of him everywhere like in the hallways or in the canteen
at lunch. it's torturous and super annoying. i really don't know how to deal with
this. thanks to anyone who can help!

1) Stop putting yourself down and stop comparing yourself to other girls. You are beautiful, you are worthy. You have your own skills. Your own personality. You are awesome in your own, unique ways. If someone else can't see this, that's their loss. It's not a reason to beat yourself up for it.

2) You can't help who you fall for, so stop beating yourself up for it.

3) As for getting past it, accept your feelings as they come. Recognize them, then take a deep breath. When you breathe out, let out the negative feelings, the jealousy, the hurt, and everything else you don't want to feel. Let the breathing calm you down, then change subjects in your mind. Think of it kinda like active meditation. Recognize your feelings, let them pass, then move forward. With time, your feelings will calm. =)

So last night at a party I went outside because I wasn't feeling well and sat down. This guy, let's call him A, sat down next to me and - long story short - I ended up practically cuddling him with my arms around his waist and head on his shoulder while he constantly ran his fingers through my hair.

My friend keeps insisting that he likes me, because "guys don't just play with any girl's hair". While we were talking he mentioned that he believes us to be close friends, even though we've only known each other for a couple weeks, which makes me feel like her statement can't be true.

Is there any sort of stigma or connection between a guy playing with a girl's hair and their interest in them, or is my friend just making things up because of her own desire for us to get together?

Playing with someone's hair is usually a good sign of flirty behavior. However, some people are more touchy-feely than others, and it can differ by person. The best way to know how someone feels is to ask them.

I have a question about boundaries…

So to summarize my situation I think I may be asexual and potentially aromatic and I'm currently dating a sexual person. I don't want to mouth kiss them (at least no tongue kissing/ making out) because even though I don't really find just lip kissing repulsive I think its still uncomfortable and and weird and a little gross. Tongue kissing is really repulsive to me (probably even more so than sex) and I just don't want to tongue kiss. However, I was perviously uncomfortable with hand holding and cuddling and that sort of thing, but I was able to get comfortable with it. I think I might be able to do the same for lip kissing but absolutely not for tongue kissing and probably not for anything more sexual than that.

So everyone is always talking about compromise, you need to compromise and do this thing you are uncomfortable with and your partner needs to compromise and settle for less. So yes I want to compromise and I am willing to work towards lip kissing. But is it okay to set boundaries such as nothing beyond lip kissing? I mean obviously that would make my partner compromise more of their happiness so that I'm not uncomfortable, but is that okay? Is that okay to tell them to be unhappy so that I can feel comfortable? Is it not okay? Where can I draw a line?

I know there is a clear philosophy that one can draw a line whenever they please with sex. Sex should theoretically always be consensual. But then again I know some asexual people who don't want to have sex and still do it for their partners as a sort of compromise.Is that better than saying no and accepting the consequences? I'm just confused because I've never felt forced to do something I was uncomfortable doing (in a romantic or sexual way at least) and so I don't know what is expected and what is acceptable. Can a relationship with so much compromise ever work?

I just really need some advice because I don't know what to do with my feelings right now...

Compromise should 100% not be about changing people or making them uncomfortable. Compromise is about peacefully working things out with your partner. It's not working late on Fridays so you and your partner can have a date night because recently you haven't been spending too much time together. It's recognizing that sometimes if you want to be wooed and have something romantic, then you need to be the one who comes up with it instead of waiting for your partner to do it. It's going to that romcom or action movie that you're not interested in because your partner is interested in it and you're interested in them. It's absolutely not forcing yourself to do things you're uncomfortable with.

If you don't want to kiss or hold hands or whatever, then you don't have to. Either your partner will be okay with that or not. A compromise could be that you two have an open relationship, and if your partner wants something more physical, they can date someone who also wants things that are more physical while they are still dating you.
In then end, if you guys can't come up with a compromise that works for both of you, then maybe the relationship as it is just can't work. That doesn't mean you guys can't stay in contact or can't still be friends. But a relationship is not one person sacrificing a part of themselves just so the other person can be happy. That's not healthy.

And yes, 100% absolutely, definitely set boundaries. Everyone in any kind of relationship should set boundaries. People do not have an open right to touch you any time they want just because you're friends or you're dating or whatever. Consent is active and changing. Yes, your partner's happiness is important - but so is yours. Same for both of your comfort. It might turn out that this means you two aren't compatible romantically/sexually, and that will suck, but if that's the case, it will work out better for the both of you, at least in the long run. <3

I really like this girl. Like a lot. I told her but she doesn't know how to feel. She is confused as to why I like her and how I could like her. I tried to explain, but now she's not responding and I don't want to be pushy. I just really want to explain it to her but I don't think I can. I feel like crying. I feel rejected.. any advice?

There's not really anything to explain. Just give her some time to think about it.

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. Just wallow for a little bit. Cry, eat some comfort food, and read a good book or watch a good movie and to distract yourself and just let it out.

[noir,]

hello everyone! my name is noir, and i was hoping i could get some advice??
so, i'm i recently started a new high school n' been accepted to the JV girl's
basketball team. there's this girl, lets call her angel, in varsity, who's a year
older than me, and i have completely fallen for her. here's the thing, though
we do practice together, we don't really talk much and i do not have a clue
on how to break the ice to her. sure i've asked her about the drills we do n'
all that, but i want to get to know her. do you peeps have advice on how to
not make myself look like a complete fool?? thank you so much!

hey guys, so a quick update with my so called love life haha ;w; so, turns out:
she's gay!!! but obviously, there's a catch why is there always a catch uggh ??!
she's taken... and i'm 88% sure she and all the bball girls know that i like her..
it's super awkward cause i don't talk to them nor angel. my heart aches, and
i feel so guilty that i can't stop thinking about her. but i still do want to try to
talk to her.. i want to be friends at least ya know, but i don't know how to a-
pproach her without being wierd, i'm extremely klutzy n' socially awkward so

help

[avaloafe]

i think this was the best lunch i've ever had in my whole high school life.
so my crush and i sit at the same table and a;ldskfjapoij

he started to tickle me and i toppled over on his lap and laid there for a
few seconds before i got up and finished my lunch, rather flustered as
usual if i do say so whoops. then he put his head on my shoulder and i
folded my arms on the table and put my head down, and he took his
head off of my shoulder and wrapped his arm around my back, placing
it on my upper thigh. he basically just rubbed it with his fingers and
just omg it made me smile and just it was amazing. like, this has
never happened to me before and i hope it continues and creates a
stronger bond.

guys this was amazing i'm really happy that happened today because
i needed something like this to happen. ahhhhhh eep <3 QuQ

[Sleeping With Issues]

I'm so happy!!

Like I said things are going extremely well! Today during gym my friend was joking with him and long story short she ended up making us hug, but he didn't argue with it and was pretty happy to do it but she had to move his arm around me. After that he let me cross my arms on his back and lay my head there, and he also let me lean on him the whole hour before and after the hug.

[Rather.be.sleeping]

My crushes are mostly guys, and a few girls. I'd honestly be happy with either to be honest

[Blueberry]

So last night at a party I went outside because I wasn't feeling well and sat down. This guy, let's call him A, sat down next to me and - long story short - I ended up practically cuddling him with my arms around his waist and head on his shoulder while he constantly ran his fingers through my hair.

My friend keeps insisting that he likes me, because "guys don't just play with any girl's hair". While we were talking he mentioned that he believes us to be close friends, even though we've only known each other for a couple weeks, which makes me feel like her statement can't be true.

Is there any sort of stigma or connection between a guy playing with a girl's hair and their interest in them, or is my friend just making things up because of her own desire for us to get together?

Hm... Playing with someone's hair can be a fairly bold move especially if you barely know them. So I for one would see that a way to flirt, a very seductive manipulative way to flirt because you can't very well say no to someone who's offering to play with your hair lol. I don't think your friend was right about you being close friends, at least not yet, but I do think he likes you

[SpyroMello]

So last night at a party I went outside because I wasn't feeling well and sat down. This guy, let's call him A, sat down next to me and - long story short - I ended up practically cuddling him with my arms around his waist and head on his shoulder while he constantly ran his fingers through my hair.

My friend keeps insisting that he likes me, because "guys don't just play with any girl's hair". While we were talking he mentioned that he believes us to be close friends, even though we've only known each other for a couple weeks, which makes me feel like her statement can't be true.

Is there any sort of stigma or connection between a guy playing with a girl's hair and their interest in them, or is my friend just making things up because of her own desire for us to get together?

Hm... Playing with someone's hair can be a fairly bold move especially if you barely know them. So I for one would see that a way to flirt, a very seductive manipulative way to flirt because you can't very well say no to someone who's offering to play with your hair lol. I don't think your friend was right about you being close friends, at least not yet, but I do think he likes you

I agree. If he says close friends after knowing him for a couple of weeks then I'd say he likes you. I dates this guy once (long story for another time) but when we were first getting to know each other he said he considered me his best friend. Then we dated for a few months when he told me he liked me. I wouldn't necessarily wait for that though, it's okay to confess first but only if you like him. I think hugging on each other and him playing with your hair is flirty. My boyfriend now (we've been together 9 months and is different than the other guy I mentioned) and we do the same a lot when we watch movies or hang out at the park, etc.
Conclusion: He likes you