♥Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V5♥

[Casistrophic]

Really needing to just post about this because it's killing me. My boyfriend just decided that we needed to go on a break for a while.... Which came as a complete shock because just last week he was shopping for an engagement ring.... My heart has broken completely. He claims it is because I won't give something up because he believes differently (he doesn't believe Christmas should be celebrated by Christians). He wants me to respect him by obeying as a wife. I believe that there isn't really anything wrong in celebrating Christmas (not really looking for advice on the subject just telling you all the reasons behind the break). I had thought this issue had been solved forever ago when he agreed to celebrate one way on a different day than just focusing on Jesus. I was ok with that. But now this happens.....and he has told me the break is to give me time to think and that I have to be the one that makes the decision on a final break up. At this point I am so broken I don't know what to do.

He wants me to respect him by obeying as a wife.

obeying

Lol. Dump him. Feel free to do it over text if you want, because this guy doesn't even deserve a phone call.

Not only is he a sexist piece of crap, he's throwing a hissy fit over a complete non-issue. This is a power play. He's telling you with his actions that he feels it's acceptable to use your relationship as a bargaining chip in a petty argument and make you beg for it back any time he doesn't get his way. Do him and your self-respect a favor and don't fall for it. At minimum you need couples counseling, but this kind of deep-rooted sexism and entitlement generally doesn't change.

He's fine with treating you this way. Are you?

[anathema]

so there's this guy in my art class. i've known him since fourth grade, except he moved away and then returned in seventh grade (i'm a sophomore now). we've been pretty good friends for a while, and we share the same taste in music. i know him on a personal level; all his insecurities, all his flaws, etc. thanks to a group chat a couple of months back.
he's a really nice guy. he's very kind and respectful even when i'm with him around other guys. we talk a lot in our art class, and we've told each other a few secrets that no one else knows. he also pays a lot of attention to me compared to his other friends that are girls.
my birthday's coming up and he said he was going to get me a present -- at first i believed he was kidding, but he insisted that he would over and over. he told me that i deserved a present because i was the 'best girl he'd ever met'. i don't really know if this means something. i don't exactly have a crush on him yet; i'm in that in-between-a-squish-and-a-crush phase.
i'd like a little advice, and i want the truth as to whether if i'm overthinking things. i've known him for a while but i'm not really sure if that means the chances a relationship will begin are higher. i don't really want to be told what i'd like to hear, i want to know if i'm rushing things or if he's just a close friend or if this really could be the start of something. thank you!

[thunderofthedrum]

Really needing to just post about this because it's killing me. My boyfriend just decided that we needed to go on a break for a while.... Which came as a complete shock because just last week he was shopping for an engagement ring.... My heart has broken completely. He claims it is because I won't give something up because he believes differently (he doesn't believe Christmas should be celebrated by Christians). He wants me to respect him by obeying as a wife. I believe that there isn't really anything wrong in celebrating Christmas (not really looking for advice on the subject just telling you all the reasons behind the break). I had thought this issue had been solved forever ago when he agreed to celebrate one way on a different day than just focusing on Jesus. I was ok with that. But now this happens.....and he has told me the break is to give me time to think and that I have to be the one that makes the decision on a final break up. At this point I am so broken I don't know what to do.

Yikes this sounds interesting.
The main red flag is that you mentioned 'obeying'. I will take my boyfriend/husband's feelings, wishes, preferences, views, beliefs, advice, suggestions, etc INTO ACCOUNT but I will not just 'obey' him. We are equals. I will never tell him that he can NOT go out with friends. I may caution or say I worry about what could happen or that he'd repeat a past mistake or whatever is that I'm concerned about, but I would never expect to just tell him what to do. We always say that we are partners in crime - partners, not one boss and one subordinate.

You guys had already discussed this and come to what seemed like a mutual agreement on how to handle it and now it pops back up? What comes to mind is that clearly he's unhappy with this and did not communicate it, and that could mean there are other things he's still not happy about either. Heck, it could just mean that he's been talking to someone who feels you should go with the 'man's way and he was influenced by that thinking, or that it was someone that agreed with him and it got him feeling passionate and unwavering on the issue again.

Either way, sounds like he did not communicate this sooner and is now throwing this lovely little grenade at you which doesn't seem fair to me.

One think I wonder about is how long you guys have been together that you were looking for rings. Was it maybe too soon, and this could be a sign that you guys still have things to work out and communication to improve?

I will be blunt - it's not good that he abruptly had such a change of heart to you and wants to halt everything entirely, turning it into an ultimatum when you thought everything was fine and dandy. Choosing to do ONE day a year a certain way or the guy you wanted to marry just seems.. a little ridiculous to me, as far as ultimatums go.

Who knows, maybe he got overwhelmed by the thought of 'forever' with someone and was too wrapped up in his thoughts and got hooked on this past issue again. I really don't know. I don't like to jump over to one side of the fence without a lot of deliberation. I CAN say that this would be a huge shock to anyone! And it really sucks because, while he's trying to put the ball in YOUR court by setting this ultimatum in front of you, it's kind of like he's already made HIS choice in the matter and telling you 'take it or leave it'.

[BUDDY101423]

So my best friend who I am really close with and have know since I moved to a new location...I have started to like him and it's killing cause like I mean we are close friends so we have weird convos that make it weirder for me....the on,y bad part is he only likes me as his best friend and Ik who he likes and she is a bad bad person and she's came to me and told me she was going to tell him to stay away from her but she's going to break his heart doing it and it's going to kill me to

[paradise,]

i want to know what you guys think about this.

i've posted about him before, but i'll give a quick recap. he is a senior and i am a freshman, so there is a rather large age difference, but i don't think it is too drastic. we have known each other for five years, but really only became friends this year. i got the courage and asked for his number, and now we text occasionally. i was invited to his birthday party last saturday, and I was so glad i went. we took a few pictures together, and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and i put my arm around his waist. before this day, he had never touched me whatsoever, so i was pretty shocked by it. i told him i was really nervous about coming because i didn't know anyone, and he told me to be myself and have fun. he talked to me when i was lonely at the party, which was really sweet. he even invited me to dinner with his friends. then at the end, he got up from his chair and hugged me goodbye, which was really surprising because he is pretty awkward and shy. i really like him, he is always on my mind, but i'm afraid to tell him for fear that I might be too young and it would be awkward, plus i'm not even allowed to date. but based on this information, does it seem that he might like me, just a bit? any advice would be helpful c:

If you're not allowed to date, I'd say the first conversation you should have is with your parents. It would be very difficult otherwise, since you'd have to sneak around and compromising your parents' trust in you is not worth it. If you do get the okay then go ahead and ask him, but understand that the relationship almost certainly has an expiration date, since he'll be either going off to college or starting work after graduation this year.

i actually have talked to my parents about this particular boy in general, and i'm pretty sure they would be okay if i were to go on a date with him. thing is, they are really old school and don't believe in the girl making the first move. the guy is also very old school, so i don't know how he would react. and do you mean asking him if he likes me, or asking him on a date? oh, and you don't think the age gap is too big?

[Casistrophic]

If you're not allowed to date, I'd say the first conversation you should have is with your parents. It would be very difficult otherwise, since you'd have to sneak around and compromising your parents' trust in you is not worth it. If you do get the okay then go ahead and ask him, but understand that the relationship almost certainly has an expiration date, since he'll be either going off to college or starting work after graduation this year.

i actually have talked to my parents about this particular boy in general, and i'm pretty sure they would be okay if i were to go on a date with him. thing is, they are really old school and don't believe in the girl making the first move. the guy is also very old school, so i don't know how he would react. and do you mean asking him if he likes me, or asking him on a date? oh, and you don't think the age gap is too big?

If you're both in school you are still in the same phase of life. 4 years is pretty much the maximum age gap for two people who go to the same school. If you were 18 and he were 22 it might be different. Ask him if he likes you and go from there.

[pew]

I have re-written this so many times because I have no clue how to explain how I'm feeling so let me try and keep it short. I have had one crush in my life, on this guy who I'm 99% sure has no interest in me anymore. I have tried messaging him and got no reply, but he also never read it so.. idk what to do now. Then I met somebody when my friend was going to meet a guy, who had this other guy with him, and I was very attracted to him, but I never got his name so I have no way to find anyway to contact him unless I see him again with my friend and her friend if that made ANY sense. Also I am just craving talking to a guy (they're easier to talk to?? for me at least, they seem so much less judgmental than girls. and of course i have no guy friends) so of course I have a habit of talking to my ex's, and I really want to apologize to my ex for just cutting him off without an explanation, but I don't know how to do that without being really weird.. haha. Sorry this is all over the place I just have so many crush/boy issues right now. :v

[Zynphera]

This is going to sound ridiculous but you guys know the guy I mentioned before? Yesterday I decided to start slow and just ask him if he considered me as a friend at least or just someone he talks to occasionally. I guess I was expecting him to say yes but he ended up saying "Well not really but if you want to be my friend you have to let me hurt you. That's how I view people at least." and to say the least, I was not prepared for that messed up response. I have no clue why, but this whole day I've been feeling upset over being rejected as a friend even though his response is really messed up. Maybe the whole time, all the actions from last year he was just messing with my head and messing with me?

[equine.]

This is going to sound ridiculous but you guys know the guy I mentioned before? Yesterday I decided to start slow and just ask him if he considered me as a friend at least or just someone he talks to occasionally. I guess I was expecting him to say yes but he ended up saying "Well not really but if you want to be my friend you have to let me hurt you. That's how I view people at least." and to say the least, I was not prepared for that messed up response. I have no clue why, but this whole day I've been feeling upset over being rejected as a friend even though his response is really messed up. Maybe the whole time, all the actions from last year he was just messing with my head and messing with me?

"you have to let me hurt you"? Woah, that sounds threatening. If i were you and he says this, i wouldn't want to be friends with him. If he says that, that means you'll get hurt in thiis 'friendship' and it's not worth it. Why risk your happiness for a guy who is probably possessive and maybe only uses you?

[Zynphera]

This is going to sound ridiculous but you guys know the guy I mentioned before? Yesterday I decided to start slow and just ask him if he considered me as a friend at least or just someone he talks to occasionally. I guess I was expecting him to say yes but he ended up saying "Well not really but if you want to be my friend you have to let me hurt you. That's how I view people at least." and to say the least, I was not prepared for that messed up response. I have no clue why, but this whole day I've been feeling upset over being rejected as a friend even though his response is really messed up. Maybe the whole time, all the actions from last year he was just messing with my head and messing with me?

"you have to let me hurt you"? Woah, that sounds threatening. If i were you and he says this, i wouldn't want to be friends with him. If he says that, that means you'll get hurt in thiis 'friendship' and it's not worth it. Why risk your happiness for a guy who is probably possessive and maybe only uses you?

Yeah, I don't exactly want to be friends with him anyways after he said that. It's frustrating because today he wore contacts and just stared at me this entire math class but I felt pretty uncomfortable knowing how he seems to only enjoy using people to participate in his twisted thinking. It'd be a good idea to keep away from him right?