by caf. » Sun Aug 16, 2015 5:49 am
So...could use a little help since my situation has taken some major turns.
Let's just start with the fact that I have a huge crush on my best friend - let's call her A. I've had feelings for her for well over a year, maybe more like a year and a half, and while she knows I'm not straight she thinks I'm more aro and is completely oblivious to my feelings. And, frankly, I'm clueless; the biggest part of me just wants to wait for a few more years, but part of me just wants to spill it and hope she's at least okay with it. A's really accepting of most sexualities - that's no problem - but I really worry that if I told her she'd try and break things off. And I can't have that; I can barely take the idea of her going off to college and just walking out of my life, you know? Yes, I like her romantically, but I'm way attached to her platonically. I'm just not sure whether a year is really enough to determine anything or whether I should just sit back and wait.
And yes, I have very lightly hinted at liking her, but she's oblivious. I've talked crushes with her (neither of us have had any major crushes, except for mine), putting up with her habit of slapping me when she's asleep, condescendingly asking if she wants me to hold her hand as a joke, etc. but she's super oblivious, and I don't know if I can tell any of my other friends and trust them to keep it under the radar.
And, to make matters worse, this guy from my church is high key crushing on me. I do not like him back at all but a friend of mine (unrelated to A) mercilessly teases me and tries to get us together. I don't know how to just straight-up say that I don't like him and that I'm not straight. I don't even want to go to church anymore because it makes me so uncomfortable (poor guy, I feel kinda bad).
In short, I have a crush on my friend, a guy has a crush on me that I don't reciprocate, and I don't know what to do with any of this.
caf - they/them - bi
equestrian - vocalist - student
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