♥Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V5♥

[Noni Gailin Ayrenin~]

Hit me with a brick, please.

Last night, a Wal-mart employee was flirting with me, and I didn't even realize it.
The only reason I even know he was is because my mom and sister kept talking about it when we left.

This is what I talked about a while back when I said I don't understand flirting.

Like.....If flirting is THAT creepy, then.......agh
I mean.....He kept staring at me and smiling and....It felt like something out of a horror film. Like he was gonna jump over the counter with a knife at any moment.

I guess part of my issue is that all throughout school, I was never that kid that got flirted with, or asked out or anything.
Even if I did get asked out, it was usually a joke and the guys friends would be behind him laughing.
So...I don't take it seriously when a guy seems remotely interested in me.

If a guys tryin' to date, he's gotta be bluntly straight forward about it. Like...I don't do this tip-toe around and playin' thing, ya'know?


I guess what I want to ask is this:
Is there a way for me to somehow learn how to tell if I'm being flirted with?

[starduster]

I swear, I am so awkward. It's just a complete issue that I have and it makes me feel not up to par compared to my friends.

Why?

Well, it seems that I am the only person in my class who hasn't kissed anyone or even dated anyone. I've been pretty much a laughing stock and I have always been the butt of the joke of fake 'asking outs'.

If you don't like me, just don't do that. It just isn't right. .-.

[broker]

MyGoldfish@ Try and be yourself, and don't hold back too much. You want him to know you appreciate his company, and you missed seeing him. Keep your reunion short and sweet, respect his personal space, and you should be just fine. :)

does he know you like him?

hoofy.@ ouch that's rough D:

I really don't think it's healthy, or fair for you to be living with that kind of stress. Might I suggest approaching him about it? There has to be someway for you to tell him his behavior is bothering you, and you don't like being treated that way. (best case scenario: he'll respect your feelings and back off)

Glow@ Well. That's interesting. xux It was super awkward when I was working and my co-worker had a crush on me. Especially sense I had no idea at first haha.

what do you think of him? :) indifferent? xD

Noni Gailin Ayrenin~@ LOL trust me, I'm pretty bad at is as well.

You just have to look out for people who are turning heads. If it turns they're more interested then the average bystander, they're probably checking you out.

Being ignorant about it is nothing to be overly concerned about it. He sounds like he took you off guard, so I'm guessing you'll better prepare yourself for next time. (:

A way to tell general politeness from flirting is to watch their body language, and how they're acting. Generally a simply "nice" person wouldn't take too much effort in trying to catch your attention, or be shy during a conversation.

There will be subtle flirts like that, so just try and keep an eye out for any suspicious staring/smiling activity. But otherwise, it isn't that hard to tell. :) (they'll say/do stupid things to get a reaction, offer help, ask about your day, flatter you, wink, etc.)

starduster@ wow. Do your friends validate your feelings? That is very unfair of your classmates.

Just because you haven't dated/kissed anyone doesn't make you any less of a person. I haven't done any of these things and I'm graduated. xD

Would you like to date someone? Or are you comfortable at the stage you're at?

--
g33z I keep popping in and out uvu;;
if anyone had any conversations going with me before feel free to take it to pm

[ryland]

Oh my goodness, being cinromantic is the absolute worst. >.<
I can't help it. I just form crushes very easily and very quickly. It's gotten to the point where I am actually hardcore crushing on someone on CS. I'm not really sure what I can do, feelings are feelings, I just hope they fade fast.

[Paranoia]

Oh my goodness, being cinromantic is the absolute worst. >.<
I can't help it. I just form crushes very easily and very quickly. It's gotten to the point where I am actually hardcore crushing on someone on CS. I'm not really sure what I can do, feelings are feelings, I just hope they fade fast.

Sometimes I feel the same way! I'm likely to crush on anyone /male/ who's nice to me and genuinely enjoys talking to me, even if it is online. I've also had crushes for years on end, you more so just have to learn to live with them, and know that it likely won't lead to anything more. It got easier for me once I got in a true relationship and I found it easier to tell myself "Alright. This guy is the one I actually have feelings for" because it felt different than my previous crushes.
I can understand the hassle of it all because it seems like your feelings are constantly switching to someone new, right? Just know how the last crushes ended, or that they ended in general and tell yourself it won't last. Though if it does last don't be afraid to act on it, unless of course the situation wouldn't allow it to work out.

[ryland]

Oh my goodness, being cinromantic is the absolute worst. >.<
I can't help it. I just form crushes very easily and very quickly. It's gotten to the point where I am actually hardcore crushing on someone on CS. I'm not really sure what I can do, feelings are feelings, I just hope they fade fast.

Sometimes I feel the same way! I'm likely to crush on anyone /male/ who's nice to me and genuinely enjoys talking to me, even if it is online. I've also had crushes for years on end, you more so just have to learn to live with them, and know that it likely won't lead to anything more. It got easier for me once I got in a true relationship and I found it easier to tell myself "Alright. This guy is the one I actually have feelings for" because it felt different than my previous crushes.
I can understand the hassle of it all because it seems like your feelings are constantly switching to someone new, right? Just know how the last crushes ended, or that they ended in general and tell yourself it won't last. Though if it does last don't be afraid to act on it, unless of course the situation wouldn't allow it to work out.

Thank you so much for the advice. I definitely feel better knowing I'm getting advice from someone who has a similar situation and that I can relate to most of what you said, especially the part about having crushes for years on end. Although one thing that is especially troubling is that my feelings don't switch to someone new. I form new feelings for someone while still having my old feelings for someone else, and it can get to the point where I have crushes on like five people at once.

[angst]

Alright. Hi, internet - I need some quick help.

There was this guy at my High School, right? And I thought he was cute, and I'm pretty out-going to I walked up and told him he was cute. Long story short, he took me out for a date in the beginning of last school year. I didn't really know it was a date until after he asked me to be his girlfriend and stuff. So I said yes because well, err.. I didn't know what else to say. I knew I didn't want a relationship at all, but I couldn't just say no because I didn't want to lose his friendship.

Now it's months later. We've broken up, but he's this shy guy and I was the first girl he ever dated or even kissed or anything. He tells me he still has feelings for me and is buying me things, y'know? Doing nice stuff, always wanting to hangout. But I have a boyfriend, I'm already in a relationship and this guy.. well, he isn't my type. I dated him once, sure, but it isn't going to happen again.

What do I do? I don't know how to handle this. All of his friends say things all the time like, 'oh how could you date someone else, he's in love with you' like I owe him something - which totally isn't fair. Doesn't anyone care about how I feel? That I just don't want to be with him, that I don't find him attractive in that kind-of way? I love being his friend. But I don't want him to like me anymore. And honestly, I'm not even particularly cute or funny or anything, I was just the first girl he liked so he's kinda clinging onto that I guess. But how do I make it stop?

I don't mean to sound all.. y'know, annoying and like 'omg I can't get this guy to stop liking me!' Because it isn't like that. But I don't know what to do anymore.

[Casistrophic]

Alright. Hi, internet - I need some quick help.

There was this guy at my High School, right? And I thought he was cute, and I'm pretty out-going to I walked up and told him he was cute. Long story short, he took me out for a date in the beginning of last school year. I didn't really know it was a date until after he asked me to be his girlfriend and stuff. So I said yes because well, err.. I didn't know what else to say. I knew I didn't want a relationship at all, but I couldn't just say no because I didn't want to lose his friendship.

I am not following the logic here. That is a terrible reason to get into a relationship with someone, and a pretty selfish one at that, since you're stringing a guy along whom you know you have no interest in. I'm baffled by this decision.

Now it's months later. We've broken up, but he's this shy guy and I was the first girl he ever dated or even kissed or anything. He tells me he still has feelings for me and is buying me things, y'know? Doing nice stuff, always wanting to hangout. But I have a boyfriend, I'm already in a relationship and this guy.. well, he isn't my type. I dated him once, sure, but it isn't going to happen again.

What do I do? I don't know how to handle this. All of his friends say things all the time like, 'oh how could you date someone else, he's in love with you' like I owe him something - which totally isn't fair. Doesn't anyone care about how I feel? That I just don't want to be with him, that I don't find him attractive in that kind-of way? I love being his friend. But I don't want him to like me anymore. And honestly, I'm not even particularly cute or funny or anything, I was just the first girl he liked so he's kinda clinging onto that I guess. But how do I make it stop?

I don't mean to sound all.. y'know, annoying and like 'omg I can't get this guy to stop liking me!' Because it isn't like that. But I don't know what to do anymore.

First of all, I find it a little bit ironic that you're complaining about people not caring how you feel, when you clearly didn't care about this guy's feelings when you put on the charade of your relationship. So that problem can be solved by treating others how you want to be treated.

Secondly, the first thing you need to do with this guy is stop accepting gifts from him. I know gifts might be tempting, but it's not appropriate to accept them and it's pretty mean to only accept the forms of affection that directly benefit you, while rejecting all other romantic gestures from him. Stop letting him buy you things.

Second, just tell him straight out. This is your chance to make amends for not communicating your feelings earlier. Just say "[name], I really appreciate your friendship but I can tell that you want it to turn into something more. I'm afraid I am just don't feel that way about you. I have moved on from our days as a couple and I can only see you as a friend now." Be direct, upfront, and succinct. Don't make a big speech, but BE CLEAR.

[angst]

@above, because I'm kinda bad at quoting and I'm sorry about that.

Oh you are so, soooo right. It was an absolutely terrible thing of me to do. At first I thought I did like him, I just didn't know him that well. It was a 'taking-a-chance' kind of situation, like I thought I'd end up falling head over heels for him. But I'm not a very romantic person, and I just didn't. And instead of being up-front about it, I finally ended our relationship because I was 'too busy with school and things.'

Okay, I should have been more specific with the whole gifts thing. I don't know how to deny gifts from him. Like, he bought me a hat awhile ago. Was I supposed to say 'no, go return it?' It's terribly selfish of me that I benefit so much from our relationship, and when I do talk about it with him he goes on and on about how much he values the time we spend together as friends. And that he's happy with that. But then he tells his friends otherwise, I guess. I know that doesn't justify it - but I have tried to talk him out of buying me things like concert tickets, so we can go to a concert together. But then he goes on and on about wanting to have a good time and that I bring something to his group of friends, which I've actually gotten very close with over the past couple months, and so I let him. But then when he'd ask to like, 'cuddle' I'd pretend I was asleep and didn't hear. And you're right. Typing this out now, I mean - it's selfish. I couldn't give him the one thing he wanted from me, even if I'm not attracted to him and felt uncomfortable and out of place. I should figure out my morals.

Thank you for your last paragraph, kind and intelligent stranger. You're very right about being clear but not making a speech out of it. I've talked with his brother, actually, and he says that instead of me telling him up-front, me getting into a relationship gave him the message that I'm not going to get back together with him. Which probably wasn't the best thing either, even though I did talk to him about me liking another guy before I entered the relationship.

The next time I'm with him and it comes up, I'll say something like you said above. Thank you so very, very much.

[Casistrophic]

For the gifts thing, you need to have a conversation with him about not buying you gifts anymore, don't wait until he gets you something else. Put a blanket ban on all future gifts, and if he buys you something anyway it's totally okay to say "I'm sorry but you know I can't accept that, we talked about this."

Actually the more you write the more it sounds like he's manipulating you to accept his various advances. He almost sounds like a raptor testing the fences...offer her tickets and she says no? Okay, go for a cuddle and see if she'll take that. If he was doing these things while he knew you were in a relationship with someone else it was especially inappropriate. You shouldn't feel bad about shutting this behavior down because I'm willing to bet that on some level he knows that for whatever reason you won't say no to him on certain matters and he can take advantage of that.

Also just to be clear, it wasn't selfish of you to "not give him the one thing he wanted" i.e. a relationship. The selfish thing was your apparent acceptance of a relationship despite knowing that it was something you didn't want. You don't owe anyone romantic feelings and there's no reason for you to feel bad about turning him down,