by regular; » Sun Oct 16, 2016 2:58 pm
dear r,
i've finally come to the conclusion that I need to get over you. "us" isn't a thing, and it won't be. you don't want a girlfriend and keep making clearly fake excuses; remember that one? what was it again? oh yeah, "i'm focusing on school". you said that last month. september. on the first day of school. we haven't even gotten major homework yet! maybe just a few short chapters for english, or finishing up a few questions in the math textbook work. or just completing an assignment that isn't due till the next week; you do that outside of school when we still have plenty of time to do it in school. what is it about me you don't want? you just said you loved me and that i was the one. literally, check our conversation. don't think that every time i ask you who you like i don't know, because i do. you always say "guess." and i guess. every single girl but me. then you finally say "you" and i play dumb and ask "me what?" no. you're supposed to recognize i get jealous, angry, upset and possessive over you. r. every time i say your name it feels like i'm cursing it. i say it under my breath, over and over, almost as if i thought if i say it out loud i'd be punished. i love someone new. my love for you is passing, and i want it to fully exit my system. but i know how you'd feel. you'd say you don't like me, yet confess it to me knowing i'll come straight back to you afterwards. not this time. i'm done with your excuses and lies and trashy affection. goodbye r.
- a disappointed "friend"
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dear j,
you came out as bi yesterday. now i know you like me. you're my best friend but now i feel vulnerable with you. i'm sorry i feel this, but it's uncomfortable.
- your best friend
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dear c,
i love you and i want to tell you but r. it's always r! he's always in the way of everything and makes me question every sickening situation i'm in. he changed me for worse, and caused insecurities even i'm too emotionally scared to admit. you are my best friend and you make me feel like i'm loved. because i am, but sometimes i don't feel that way. you prove to me that people who do me wrong aren't worth the self-confidential risk. you stand up for me, just as i stand up for you. i want to share so bad about this; r and i fought over you. literally. he said things i almost forced him to take back about you, and i'm much too mortified to even speak of it. if you heard one word out of it i know your heart would drop. i love you too much to see you hurt. and i will never do you how r has done. i l o v e y o u. but i can't tell you yet. not until r isn't even the slightest bit important to me. but i can't decide if my love for you is a crush, or if its more of an extreme best friend love. i'll update you on that soon.
- your admirer standing right in front of you
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dear k,
you're seducing me again. it's working. i don't want to be that girl that you trap again, but you're constant stares are so mesmerizing even when i purposely don't look back. it's like a magnet. if i don't force myself to look away my head with twist until it meets your eyes. you're. so. amazing. but i love two other people, and i'm unsure if i really do. did i ever stop liking you though? or was it constant, but put aside? i know i'll never be good enough for you. you can admit that. but you have to stop intriguing me like this, or else i'll madly be in love with you and won't be able to tell anyone because they'd think i was crazy. please decide whether you're messing with my feelings or actually purposely making me like you for a good reason.
- idk what i am to you