K, why?
K, I don't understand. Why have you been pushing your closest friends away so much? Why don't you trust me or your other friends with what's going on? All you do is tell 15 other guys so make them feel bad for you so they can chase after you and be like 'oh, K, I'm so sorry omg please be my gf'. Then they go back around and stab you in the back, only hurting you more. You need to realize this. B is so worthless, he's so full of himself that he can't see how much support you're giving him. He's taking everything you do for granted, he's taking advantage of your feelings for him. And the worst part is, he knows it. He knows how much you care about him, and I can see in his eyes that he's using you as a comforter. He flips the switch to tell you all his problems, and for you to rub his back and tell him everything's going to be okay. Then as soon as you are feeling down, he flips the switch again and makes all your problems all about him, and how his life is hard. Bullcrap. I hate it when he tells you he has it worse than you. I hate it when you compliment him, that he says 'nobody else thinks that', because he doesn't care about you. Let go of him, K. He's only hurting you. Guys that aren't close to you already will hurt you. Why won't you see that I'm right here? Why won't you see that I'm prepared for you to cry on my shoulder?
Another thing, K.
Why don't you trust me...? A had to tell me a secret that you didn't tell me, and I have been trying to get you to tell me on your own, but you refuse.
Then around a month ago, on a Monday, you had been called into the office during 3rd period to talk to a man in a branch connected to the police and fbi, concerning your CA. They asked you questions, you lied to keep your parents out of the radar.
You had only told 3 people about your CA. Me, Kat, and Kar.
They had told you they were going to come over Wednesday to inspect your house.
Tuesday we hung out. You told me your mom suspected me of telling the police of your CA, you told me she thought it was me because 'I was fragile and would break first'. I didn't care about what your mom thought, as long as you still trusted me. I would never put your family in jeopardy like that. I honestly didn't even know you could report that kind of stuff, and even if I did, you know I would be too nervous to say anything. Authority scares me, and you know that.
Friday. That was the day. You came up to the bus stop, you had no makeup on, which immediately lets me know something's wrong. I asked you what was wrong, and you told me you didn't want to talk about it. I said okay, and we boarded the bus, you sat right next to me. I glanced over to you to see if you were okay, and saw you phone was open to Dm's from Instagram, a DM from B not open but there. I looked away, that's when I became annoyed. You didn't want to tell me because you wanted B to feel bad for whatever was going on. You avoided me all day at school, you avoided everyone actually. Only Ally was there for me when I knew something further than you ignoring me was going on. After school, you got on the bus. You didn't say a word, and you sat away from me. That's when I knew something worse was up. I was confused, but I let you do what you wanted, because you liked to clear your mind by being away from everybody. Then Ana called you over, and you stood up and went to sit by her. After the bus began to head home, I heard you laughing. That was like a bullet to the heart. I tried so hard to keep you happy, asking what's wrong, leaving you alone when you wanted, letting you do what you wanted to be happy. All Ana had to do was call you over, and you told her everything, and pushed me away. I cried on the way home, but bottled them up and decided I'd cry my heart out at home. I got off, and walked with Ally, you were walking with Ana. When Ally went another way to her house, I couldn't hold in my tears. I cried, I did it silently so you wouldn't noticed. Ana noticed though, she was actually the one who comforted me and asked if I wanted to talk about it later. I agreed. The whole time, you were just standing there. You didn't notice. You didn't care. I felt worthless by that time. I had made up my mind, if my best friend of 8 years thought I was worthless, then I agreed. Once I got home, I was online CS for awhile until Ana came over. We went into my basement, so my parents/siblings wouldn't hear us.
She told me... She told me that you suspected me of telling the police about your secret.
I couldn't believe what she just had said. But that's not all, Ana had proof. She called you while she was over to prove to me that you really did suspect me of it. You confirmed it. You told her that you suspected me. You told her only three people knew of your CA, and you suspected me. You suspected me, somebody who has stuck by your side since 3rd grade. You suspected me, when I have the utmost loyalty to you. I would never betray you like that, K! Why would you betray me like this?! It's not fair... I didn't even know fully what's going on... I wouldn't have if I didn't have close friends who tell me. K, why... Why am I worthless? Why am I not trustworthy? Why don't you see how hurt I am that you would ever think such a thing? God, I don't know if I can handle this much longer... It's tearing me apart. I haven't eaten since I heard that on Friday. I've painted my legs in red, and that's all I've accomplished. I-I've failed you as a friend, I've failed myself.
I'm crying...
