by tawnypelt3 » Tue Sep 30, 2014 4:28 pm
Everything is not okay. I just got stabbed in the back by people who I thought were my friends, who said they were my friends, we were working together to do what was right and good..... They took everything, they mocked me about it, they made out like it was a game, no big deal that they just turned around and suddenly all I was good for was lining their pockets..... They could actually beat them now..... All my work, my effort, my toil, my LOVE, my TRUST, all gone in a moment for the sake of power and greed.....I am a complete dang mess. It wasn't so bad before. Now it's the complete ugly package, tears and snot and puffy eyes, heaving chest and a bleeding heart. What do you expect, my life was just torn out from under me.....
The worst thing is that I was actually enjoying myself. We had friends who loved us and supported us. We were always moving forward, always dreaming of what came next with no limit to our imagination or our goals. We had a good life. All gone in the space of a moment..... I can never go back...... I won't let them see what they've done to me. They won't ever know it had an impact like this..... It hurts even more to know I failed my true friend.... This, this isn't something I can make up for, we can't recover from this. Sorry isn't good enough. The good times, the happiness, the relief from stress and the sheer joy of the experiences we had are gone. The weight of the guilt, of knowing I could have done better, been smarter, looked for the signs and maybe stopped this from happening..... They tell you to move forward, to get over it, but I was never good at getting over my mistakes. I punish myself for them, over and over. I never let it go. I WASN'T good enough, I WASN'T smart enough, I DIDN'T do my duty. I FAILED. That is my greatest fear, and here it is, come true....
The worst thing about my life is having to pretend. Like it doesn't hurt. Like I'm happy. Like I'm someone else. In this world I can't survive without pretending. That doesn't speak about the quality of my character, but others'.
My last order of business is to pretend like nothing is wrong and they are still my friends, for all of eternity. It's okay, I can't make up for failing my friend. I deserve this.
I was hacked. Not going to remake all my groups and such unless I feel like it. That's a lotta work. Don't bother with trades, everything's a mess.
Need:

Will offer
reasonable overpay.
.Note to self:
Reduce idiot level.
