DragonLoverHere wrote:... Why must I be so oblivious and ambitious and reckless...? These holidays are only getting worse by the day, and I am struggling so hard to hide it...
First, I lost a dear friend in November. It'll be my first Christmas without him.
Second, my first group of friends who I grew up with disowned me after all of these years, claiming I am weak and I can't carry out my part like I used to.
Third, I am getting stuck between more and more and more therapy and medication for my anger, sleep, and general life. IDK how many pills I take a day anymore. They don't even help: I still awake in panic every five minutes from sleep, I am not eating well (and when I do, I feel like i am going to hurl the second afterwards), and I am still unpredictable and moody as ever, even with my pals sometimes. I am seeing doctors and therapists left and right, and they don't understand that the one cure is the drug they never perscribe me with; my best friends.
Forth, my mother is trying to change who I am and make my more girly, plus ignores me. I am suposed to dress shop, while my brother gets chips and icecream across the street?! My older brother is worse behaved than I am, and a complete jerk daily! AND YOU BOUGHT HIM SOMETHING NICE, EVEN THOUGH I AM STARVING?!
Fifth, here at home my family is starting to tread all over me and try to stop me from converting religions. I was never strong as a Catholic, so why's it so big for them to trap me when I have found a gratifying belief? It's not even that different!
Sixth, I am restricted to the house due to my 'unpredictable nature' most of the time under 'professional' orders. I have to fight to keep going to school, go out with friends or shop, even jog. Freedom is what I grew up with, and now my only escapes are cut down to just CS and chatting at school without any warning, even though my family practically gave me miles of lead as I grew up.
Seventh, I feel betrayed by one of my best friends, though I know she had good intent. She reported my depression and anxiety to the counseler at school, and I have been interrogated twice now about it, though it's falling away. I am terrified as it is of the office, teachers, small spaces without escape, and people who I don't know trying to force truth out of me. Instead, I am a cowering dog there almost daily now in my head, trying so hard to not rush out fighting or have a mental panic. She combined every fear into one with these office visits.
I feel so awful and confused and slow and stupid... Can someone please just give me a hug....? 
*huggles tight* I know it must seem really awful right now, but I'm sure that your friend was only doing what she thought was best to try and make you happy - she probably hates seeing you upset or down!
Regarding your parents, why don't you try talking to them and telling them how you feel? They may not realise how much it's affecting you with them trying to change things about you, or not let you out. Maybe just sitting down and talking to them about it, calmly and rationally would help?
Medication-wise, I know how awful it is to have to take that much medication but I promise you that it won't be like that forever, it will get better. If you need anything else, feel free to PM me whenever you want, ok? xxxx
solar flare. wrote:Can someone please PM me? >.>
I don't really want to explain it to the whole thread. 0.0
Hey hun, I dropped you a PM, I really hope it helps! <3 *hugs* xxxx
freddie101 wrote:freddie101 wrote:sad and a little disappointed. I emailed my best friend and she haven't answered yet. i haven't seen her in over a year and I moved away over 3 years. I know it's only been a day since my email, but I really want her to answer. I couldn't see her last time I visited home, so I don't know how different she is. She might have a phone but since I don't have one I can't even text her. I am trying to be hopeful but even if I never talk to her again I will never call anyone else my best friend. I know I'm overreacting right now but I miss her.
Posted this on Current Mood, but this is the best place for an internet-hug. I want my friend with the Pokemon cards and crazy little brother back.
*hugs tight* I really hope that you get a reply soon. I know how much it can hurt to miss someone that you care about so deeply like that, it feels like the worst feeling in the world. I really, truly hope you get an answer very soon and that you can talk to her and maybe even meet up with her again soon. <3 Good luck and if you need anything, don't hesitate to drop me a PM, my inbox is always open! <3 xxxx
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