Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V4

[ephemeral.light]

Hey guys! I'm just curious, how easily do you guys fall for someone or get a crush on someone?

[MadHattress]

Hey guys! I'm just curious, how easily do you guys fall for someone or get a crush on someone?

I think everyone will probably have a different answer for this, but for me it's a very spontaneous reaction with a very particular person. For example, I've found extremely few people I'm actually attracted to, but if I am attracted to them I know it within a short time of meeting them. I don't really fall for people because of any way they look, though there are certain physical features that sometimes catch my eye. Usually I observe people, their actions, things they say, and once in a great while something will just click, and that's all there is to it. I'm usually attracted not to people who seem 'nice' or 'ideal' but someone whom I feel needs me. Someone for whom I feel I would be able to make sacrifices for. My girlfriend and I had feelings for each other within a week of meeting, but didn't actually become a couple until a year later. I am usually pretty patient with someone once I decide I like them.

[ExplodingInk]

Hey guys! I'm just curious, how easily do you guys fall for someone or get a crush on someone?

It all depends -- I mean everyone looks at others and thinks 'wow they're cute' etc., sometimes it is unconscious. Which most people confuse with the real deal when they are younger (I have been guilty of this as has a lot of people).

For me, now, it takes a lot. I look at the guys/girls I have interest in as friends and I get to know their personalities. I also need to feel comfortable around them -- which for me is no easy task to be comfortable. When I finally get comfortable I think and always ask myself 'would I ever consider marrying this person?' I do that mainly I think because I feel older than I really am. And more than anything I want to settle down which is strange giving that I am young. If I can't see myself even with a glimmer of wanting to be with them for the rest of my life I don't try to be with them in the slightest. I wouldn't want someone to fall for me that I wouldn't want back -- because then it could hurt them: I know all to well what it feels like to be rejected.

So to answer your question more directly than above -- it isn't easy for me personally to fall for someone. But I know and have fallen for people quite easily before. It all depends on what you're looking for in a person C: Some find it easier to find people they like more often than others.

[Madison143]

Quick question! Do you think a two year age/class difference is too much? Like freshman/junior or sophomore/senior for two people to go out?

[thunderofthedrum]

My boyfriend and I are a long distance couple --
but we have been together for an entire year (on the 26th)

I love him -- and we talk about marriage, kids, etc. So far as wedding rings
I know it is early; I mean I'm a year from 18 and he is going to be 20; but I
can't think of anyone else I would rather spend my whole life with.

However I am worried... he's not a virgin like I am;
and I know he is going to want to do things with me
but the thing is I'm so insecure and am slowly getting
used to my real life friends hugging me. I don't feel ready
and I told him; he told me he wouldn't pressure me but
he would be disappointed... which makes me feel guilty
like I have to; or he won't be happy..

How should I tell him that I feel like I have too?

I personally find that a bit immature/insensitive to actually say that he would be disappointed. Losing your virginity can be a very big deal, especially to girls when you consider all of the societal expectations there are for us. To some people it is seen as more scandalous for a girl to lose her virginity than a boy, even though that is stupid.

I agree - discussing marriage, kids, and wedding rings is DEFINITELY getting ahead of yourself. Also, this might be sending mixed signals; you are ready to talk about kids but not the act that creates them? If you aren't ready to be sexually intimate, you aren't ready for kids. And there's nothing wrong with that if you aren't even a legal adult yet!

Another thing. To be blunt, a year isn't all that much when you think of marriage. It's definitely a milestone and I'm really happy that you guys are on the brink of being able to celebrate that, but being young AND talking about marriage on top of that just seems a bit much. I definitely daydream, but actually discussing it is another matter entirely.

Being insecure is okay, especially if you haven't had much experience receiving attention from guys before. This I can definitely relate to! I think the only real way to see what you will be comfortable with is to wait until you meet him. And please, PLEASE don't sleep with him just to make him happy! Because that is a short-lived happiness, but regret you might have will not go away so easily. Regardless of your age and sexual experience, I think it would be unreasonable to EXPECT someone to sleep with you the first time you hang out in person!!! Even if you were both nonvirgins and 30 years old, I still think it would be unfair and moving too fast.

If you can, you could try saying something similar to what I did - that the pleasure of being intimate with him would be good for him but short-lived, while the impact on you would be more serious and have more potential for regret. Not necessarily regret that you slept with HIM, as that might hurt his feelings, but that you might be mad at yourself and unhappy for giving in and doing something you were uncomfortable with. He needs to respect that. It is not your 'duty' to please him on the first date, even if you HAVE been 'together' through the internet for a year. Being physical will still be completely new. So for it to be truly special and 'right' for you, you need to make sure it's what YOU want. Tell him you want to feel comfortable doing it, that you need to want it for YOURSELF, not just him.

Hey guys! I'm just curious, how easily do you guys fall for someone or get a crush on someone?

Not very easily at all. I get crushes but VERY small ones, like I'll be attracted to their looks but know that they'd be all wrong for me and that it wouldn't work out. There was a guy at an old job I had a bit of a crush on but I knew he was like 4 years younger than me, lived at home, hadn't learned to be independent and fully responsible yet, and apparently even slept with one of the managers (a couple years younger than me and yeah, cute girl but totally inappropriate and no actual relationship).

Now at my current job there's a really cute and nice guy - he works for the event rental company (like tables, huge tents, linens, etc) we usually use so I've seen him for a couple events. I don't know anything about his personality (other than he is cute and seems really nice) and that's fine - I wouldn't act on anything because I have a boyfriend! I think there's no harm in still having little crushes because I know it doesn't mean anything and I know I would never actually flirt or anything; I don't even know how to flirt. xD It's just a guy that (to me) is cute and nice, and that doesn't happen every day. There are a lot of guys I just can't imagine being with - including all my coworkers. Some I'm just not attracted to, while others turn me off with bits of their personalities, such as 2 coworkers being immature and not realising they are spoiled with their big pickup trucks mummy and daddy obviously bought for them. The cuter one (though like 7 years younger than me haha) actually REALLY made me lose faith in his character after something he said about our boss' fiancee that was inappropriate and just terrible (about her weight). I immediately told him that was NOT okay and seriously - I guess I just have high standards for how people should treat each other, because it's usually crap like that that makes me dislike people.

Now, when it comes to actually being in a relationship and trying to date someone, I have a hard time feeling attracted to someone if I feel they do not fully respect me. That can mean they think my college major is weird or silly or girly, they think it's weird/unappealing that I have a pet rabbit of all things, simply be slightly sexist and want to be the 'man' all the time and not communicate decisions with me. I was sort of dating one guy for a while and he had zero interest in my pet, zero interest in what my major was or why it was my passion... I very much see a relationship as a partnership where you strive to give more than you get, and I will not pretend to be interested in your hobbies and crap if you can't even remember what my major is after knowing me for a year or two!

Fortunately, my boyfriend now respects me, communicates with me, wants me to feel comfortable with him, has a sense of decency (even though he has a temper and can occasionally be a bit sexist), thinks my rabbit is fantastic, thinks my passions are amazing, and brags to people that I'm a wildlife biologist.

I think it takes some experience to realise some of the things you can't really compromise on.

FancyPants - not really. When you are still in grade school it CAN be something that puts you guys in different realms due to experiences such as learning to be responsible, level of maturity, or the things that are priorities in your life, but I don't think two people being in high school together should be an issue.

[ScarWitch]

Quick question! Do you think a two year age/class difference is too much? Like freshman/junior or sophomore/senior for two people to go out?

Two years is usually ok, but anything more is not. This is because people within two years of your age are more likely to be about the same maturity. I am currently dating a boy 2 years older than me and it hasnt hit a big hitch so far. It does depend on thr people involved though.

[ExplodingInk]

Quick question! Do you think a two year age/class difference is too much? Like freshman/junior or sophomore/senior for two people to go out?

I think it is fine -- two years is still within legal range. I myself have a boyfriend two years older; it all depends on the person I suppose. As long as you actually love that person it is fine by me; but when it becomes illegal with one person over 18(after 3 yr difference here); then sometimes it is better to wait until you're 18 yourself.

Only because the 'sneaking' and 'hiding' of a relationship can be very dangerous and hurt ten times worse than a regular relationship. Though I speak of personal expirence in the past -- it can vary from person to person.

[angst]

Quick question! Do you think a two year age/class difference is too much? Like freshman/junior or sophomore/senior for two people to go out?

Of course not.

[nopenope123]

Quick question! Do you think a two year age/class difference is too much? Like freshman/junior or sophomore/senior for two people to go out?

I think it should be fine, really. Age is usually not the matter, but how mature people are. If you go out with a person who is more/less mature than yourself, it might feel strange or frustrating. But two years usually doesn't create a problem, unless maybe you or the other person currently is coming into puberty. Then it might get confusing.

Also, be aware that other people might not like it, especially if you are in the younger teens. Parents and friends might find age differences creepy, so be aware of that.
But overall, I mycself don't see much of a problem. It all depends on who the person is.

[magpie!]

You may recognize me from a few pages back. Well, I have another question.

I think the guy I like likes me back... How do I know?

I have looked at the links on the first page but I am still not completely sure...

So this is what I have noticed him doing lately.

Ever since I got a dare to go up to him and give a lollipop, he has been wandering over to our side during car line and he stays around the same area that I am. He has started conversations with me but they don't last very long because I am a little bit shy around him. The good thing is that I am hanging around him, because in the past I have just observed from afar. Whenever his is over on his side he stands around the same area and I look over at him occasionally. But whenever I look at him and he is looking at me and we aren't talking, he looks away. It's like he doesn't want me to know that he is looking at me, even though I know he is.

So what do you guys think?