Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V4

[Simplistic Beauty]

Ok so my bff was talking to my crush (her ex) and was gonna ask him out for me but she said that she couldn't do it. Now it's all up to me over asking him out or not. I can't do it either though, I'm way too scared and nervous, plus I dunno how to say it and word it. It's kinda confusing now because obviously she's not fully over the breakup. She's like a sister to me and I would never hurt her like that by asking him out but I really like him also. Ugh, this is really hard and confusing. I don't want to like him if she can't take it but I can't just suddenly stop my feelings for him. She wants to make a truce saying that we both just stay friends with him but I dunno if I can do that. Omg relationships are hard and I hate them now kinda. Well, there goes yet another stupid crush.. She says I can still like him just not date. Yeah, how will that kinda work out? I'm just not in a very happy mood right now...

[Buuuuugjuice]

FINALLY I TIME TO EXPRESS MYSELF!
So, There Is This Guy I Like. We Have The Same Interests And Everything! But I Don't Have The Courage To Tell Him I Like Him. The Only Way He Is Going To Find Out Is If One Of My Friends Tell Him. Since He Is Popular, He Is Kinda Hard To Talk To And Talk To Him ALONE In General. How Do Girls Usually Tell Guys They Like Them Without Making A Complete Fool Out Of Themselves? I Have No Clue. I Haven't Been The Type Of Girl That Attracts Guys Anyway. Exept The Really Creepy Geeks That Stalk You, Yeah, Gotta Love Them -.-
So, My Question Is, How Do I Ask Him Out Without Making A Fool Out Of My Self?

It is really honestly not possible to ask a guy/girl out and not have the possibility of making a fool of yourself but really I think that the best way is to walk up to him/her and ask for a moment in private to speak to them lead them somewhere away from the crowed and keep it short and simple. sounds simple but I tend to get really nervous and end up just run up to the person and say "you can ignore this if you want but I have a really big crush on you" and then sprint away at top speed. Actually I could really use some help with this too.

I'm no good at asking people out (I'm an socially awkward blob), but I'll tell you what I did. I used a mutual friend to ask for me. That worked for me kinda... turned out he was using the same friend to ask me... But yeah mutual friends help a lot. If you have one then use one. If your school has a school dance try to ask him/her or what ever gender that person or thing may be to that dance.

[thunderofthedrum]

FINALLY I TIME TO EXPRESS MYSELF!
So, There Is This Guy I Like. We Have The Same Interests And Everything! But I Don't Have The Courage To Tell Him I Like Him. The Only Way He Is Going To Find Out Is If One Of My Friends Tell Him. Since He Is Popular, He Is Kinda Hard To Talk To And Talk To Him ALONE In General. How Do Girls Usually Tell Guys They Like Them Without Making A Complete Fool Out Of Themselves? I Have No Clue. I Haven't Been The Type Of Girl That Attracts Guys Anyway. Exept The Really Creepy Geeks That Stalk You, Yeah, Gotta Love Them -.-
So, My Question Is, How Do I Ask Him Out Without Making A Fool Out Of My Self?

It is really honestly not possible to ask a guy/girl out and not have the possibility of making a fool of yourself but really I think that the best way is to walk up to him/her and ask for a moment in private to speak to them lead them somewhere away from the crowed and keep it short and simple. sounds simple but I tend to get really nervous and end up just run up to the person and say "you can ignore this if you want but I have a really big crush on you" and then sprint away at top speed. Actually I could really use some help with this too.

I agree - everything in life comes with some risk, especially when it comes to communicating your feelings.

I am not a fan of the 'mutual friend' thing because I would be worried that the friend wasn't 100% on the same page as the person they were speaking for, such as not having permission to speak to me, lying in a prank, only acting on a hunch, etc. It's totally possible to work out, it just isn't something I like.

Also I find it interesting when people think they need to have a lot in common with the boy. Not to say you should be 100% opposites because that won't work - you need to at least have some similar values and goals in life. I have that sort of stuff generally in common with my boyfriend along with interests in movies and animals and other things, but we have a TON of differences. He likes metal music and thinks my music is gay (working on getting him to not say that). He has no patience and I manage to have extra patience to make up for it. He likes video games and I like roleplaying. I like pretty things and tidying up and making it homey, and he's all "I'm a man, I don't have time for that crap" but you can tell he likes when I do it. xD

Eh, I'm not explaining that very well. I'll just stop here, lol.

[raezel]

me:i love you so much.
him: i love you so much too.
me: yeah but i love you more!
him: nope i love you more!
me: well then how much do you love me?
him: i love you so much and enough that next year i'm gonna be living with you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
do any of you have any experiences with meeting up with ldr significant others?
there's a possibility, if a bit slight, that i might visit him within the next few months. (we're 655 miles away, so it's quite a bit.)
otherwise, regardless, he's going to be old enough to leave the house and live with me next year.
i'm just always anxious about the thought of meeting up, but i know he is who he says he is, so i'm not getting "catifished."
i was just wondering if anyone else has been in an ldr and has met up with their boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other?

[MadHattress]

me:i love you so much.
him: i love you so much too.
me: yeah but i love you more!
him: nope i love you more!
me: well then how much do you love me?
him: i love you so much and enough that next year i'm gonna be living with you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
do any of you have any experiences with meeting up with ldr significant others?
there's a possibility, if a bit slight, that i might visit him within the next few months. (we're 655 miles away, so it's quite a bit.)
otherwise, regardless, he's going to be old enough to leave the house and live with me next year.
i'm just always anxious about the thought of meeting up, but i know he is who he says he is, so i'm not getting "catifished."
i was just wondering if anyone else has been in an ldr and has met up with their boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other?

*waves hand* My girlfriend and I were long distance for about six months before we met up for the first time. Oh dear goodness. It was very, extremely emotional in a lot of ways, not all of which were good. There was a lot of stuff we learned about each other and had to deal with our differences. When you're chatting with someone online, it can be very different from being with them in real life. Even with things like Skype, it can still be difficult to know where everyone's boundaries are once you meet in real life, because things are just different physically. Also, it's very, very important to be totally honest about what you're comfortable with. For example, once I met up with her, I found that my girlfriend was very tomboyish and likes to roughhouse - I didn't tell her how easily I bruise and I ended up with a few sore limbs. On the flipside, I'm very cuddly and this bothered her but she refrained from telling me. We worked both these issues out later in letters after we had had some time alone and compromised. I really wish I had just been honest to start off with, and I wish she had been too. We were just so afraid of hurting each other.

[ScarWitch]

me:i love you so much.
him: i love you so much too.
me: yeah but i love you more!
him: nope i love you more!
me: well then how much do you love me?
him: i love you so much and enough that next year i'm gonna be living with you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
do any of you have any experiences with meeting up with ldr significant others?
there's a possibility, if a bit slight, that i might visit him within the next few months. (we're 655 miles away, so it's quite a bit.)
otherwise, regardless, he's going to be old enough to leave the house and live with me next year.
i'm just always anxious about the thought of meeting up, but i know he is who he says he is, so i'm not getting "catifished."
i was just wondering if anyone else has been in an ldr and has met up with their boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other?

Well, one of my friends has been in a relationship with a boy from England (we're in the US) and when they finally met up it was a bit awkward the first 5 mins before the 'click' happened. Then they started talking and laughing like they'd do over texts and things.
I'm also in a relationship with a boy 1400 miles away but we met at the National FFA convention and hit it off. When I think about seein him again I get nervous, but honestly if it's meant to be, yeah it might be awkward at first, but it'll work.

[palebirchtrees]

I am incredibly frustrated with my current boyfriend. I love him, like, a lot. I have plans to move in with him after i turn 18, even. I am bi, and have been really wanting a girl, lately. I have never dated a girl, but I really, really want to. My boyfriend gave me permission to "play around" with girls if I really want to, but I would have trouble with guilt. I really don't want to hurt him, but I really need this for myself... BLARG BEING BI SUCKS

I am not really looking for advice, though it would be nice. Just ranting. Thanks for reading/listening if you did!

[nopenope123]

Just gotta get some feelings out. And sorry for my english, I'm just tired.

So I have finally stopped having a crush on this guy. I liked him for 3-4 years, but most of the time was just a pain. I dealt with a lot of shyness, did stupid things and never told him. He was really sweet the first year or two, but when we got older he changed. He is still quite nice, but he became more "grown up" than me, and I feelt that it was just painful. I was angry at myself for still liking him when I just felt sad all the time, and for getting stuck on one guy.

The feeling started to cool down over the summer, and two months ago, I realized that the feeling where gone. I just need to tell you what a releif it was. A lot of shyness and pain just dissapeared. And I could let other feelings in. Now I don't spend all days in school glancing at him. Now I talk more with my friends, focus more on school and focus more on myself.

But this didn't mean that I'm going loveless. Because I have two other crushes now. But I'm probably gonna talk about them later, because I'm tired. Sorry for bad english and long post, but I'm so happy.

[thunderofthedrum]

me:i love you so much.
him: i love you so much too.
me: yeah but i love you more!
him: nope i love you more!
me: well then how much do you love me?
him: i love you so much and enough that next year i'm gonna be living with you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
do any of you have any experiences with meeting up with ldr significant others?
there's a possibility, if a bit slight, that i might visit him within the next few months. (we're 655 miles away, so it's quite a bit.)
otherwise, regardless, he's going to be old enough to leave the house and live with me next year.
i'm just always anxious about the thought of meeting up, but i know he is who he says he is, so i'm not getting "catifished."
i was just wondering if anyone else has been in an ldr and has met up with their boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other?

*waves hand* My girlfriend and I were long distance for about six months before we met up for the first time. Oh dear goodness. It was very, extremely emotional in a lot of ways, not all of which were good. There was a lot of stuff we learned about each other and had to deal with our differences. When you're chatting with someone online, it can be very different from being with them in real life. Even with things like Skype, it can still be difficult to know where everyone's boundaries are once you meet in real life, because things are just different physically. Also, it's very, very important to be totally honest about what you're comfortable with. For example, once I met up with her, I found that my girlfriend was very tomboyish and likes to roughhouse - I didn't tell her how easily I bruise and I ended up with a few sore limbs. On the flipside, I'm very cuddly and this bothered her but she refrained from telling me. We worked both these issues out later in letters after we had had some time alone and compromised. I really wish I had just been honest to start off with, and I wish she had been too. We were just so afraid of hurting each other.

I agree - it's much easier to be ideal online and to imagine the other person as being ideal. Twi had amazing examples of parts of their personalities that weren't really able to come out fully while online or in letters. I have a close friend who I've known for like 4-5 years that I met online and I am still getting to know her even though she has visited twice. Little things still surprised me on her second visit like her desire for privacy, her determination to sightsee even while she had a cold, her style of sleepwear, etc.

I definitely think you guys need to meet some before considering living together - that is a BIG step, even for people who see each other every week! If he's able and willing, maybe he could move to where you live but support himself so that you guys can continue the relationship towards maybe living together. If by 'old enough' you mean 18ish, that also suggests that you guys are young and therefore living away from home (regardless of who with) is a big step in itself.

I don't personally have the long distance experience, for while I did meet my boyfriend online we live in the same city and texted avidly for a couple weeks before meeting up so it's hardly the same thing. We'd like to live together but we're both in our mid-twenties and have had roommates and apartments and such before. Even for us, living together brings up bad moments and tension, like my boyfriend is a bit temperamental and occasionally has really black and pissy moods, and I apparently spend too much time tidying up instead of showing him affection. It's just life. The big thing is learning about those differences and seeing what you can compromise on and what you will just have to deal with (if you can). I deal with my boyfriend's moods pretty well even though I don't always say the right thing; I have a lot of patience with him that not everyone has. And he is warm and sweet and boosts my self confidence in amazing ways and helps me grow up and be comfortable with myself. We respect each other and we are both open to compromise and we are able to communicate. Those are incredibly important.

Also - don't start freaking out prematurely. If he will only just be old enough next year, chances are he still won't be able to afford it. Leaping across hundreds of miles to live with your beloved is a lovely dream, but it takes a lot of planning and money! He'll want to attend school or get a job, he should help pay for things, and of course even when the time comes if you are not ready, you need to be able to communicate this to him. It might hurt his feelings some, but in the long run it is WAY better that he knows.

I am incredibly frustrated with my current boyfriend. I love him, like, a lot. I have plans to move in with him after i turn 18, even. I am bi, and have been really wanting a girl, lately. I have never dated a girl, but I really, really want to. My boyfriend gave me permission to "play around" with girls if I really want to, but I would have trouble with guilt. I really don't want to hurt him, but I really need this for myself... BLARG BEING BI SUCKS

I am not really looking for advice, though it would be nice. Just ranting. Thanks for reading/listening if you did!

This sounds like temptation and curiosity to me. You are wondering if the grass is greener with girls, or if you end up with this guy you might worry about the 'what if' since you never dated a girl. It's normal, but I would say since you aren't attracted to any girl in particular it seems a bit silly to me.

I also find it silly that your boyfriend would give you his permission to 'play around' with girls. If he had been your first boyfriend and you weren't sure if you were missing out with other guys, would he give you permission to 'play around' with other guys? I doubt it. And yet, there should not be a difference. Either way he is allowing you to 'shop around' or hook up with other people while still supposedly in a relationship with him. You could agree to an open relationship, but really I wonder if he is just having that 'guy' mentality of two girls together being totally hot to imagine rather than thinking that you might find someone you like better than him.

I have felt somewhat similar in that my current boyfriend is my main relationship - the most official, the longest, the most intimate, etc. We've been together nearly 2 years and if I were to end up with him like marriage or something, would I be missing out on other guys? We are not perfect and sometimes really have our off days where we don't click AT ALL, but does that mean we are mismatched? After all, how do you know if you are with the right person? Should I ever break up with him in hopes of finding something 'better'?

I think it comes down to just evaluating the relationship you are in. I am happy with my boyfriend and I do not feel like I am settling. He is broke, but he respects me and my interests, my values. That is crazy important to me. We can communicate and compromise, also super important. We live together fine, we even like each other's pets.. I really am happy with this guy. So if I become UNhappy one day, then I will consider ending it. But I don't want to throw away something great just because of this.

I don't know if that helps you, but it's my thoughts on the matter at least.

[Akele]

I am incredibly frustrated with my current boyfriend. I love him, like, a lot. I have plans to move in with him after i turn 18, even. I am bi, and have been really wanting a girl, lately. I have never dated a girl, but I really, really want to. My boyfriend gave me permission to "play around" with girls if I really want to, but I would have trouble with guilt. I really don't want to hurt him, but I really need this for myself... BLARG BEING BI SUCKS

I am not really looking for advice, though it would be nice. Just ranting. Thanks for reading/listening if you did!

I don't think this has anything to do with being bi.

I've got friends who are bi, have their boyfriend/girlfriend, and feel no need to be with someone else.

It sounds to me like you're more curious than anything. And I agree with thunderofthedrum: he probably shouldn't be giving you permission to 'play around' with other people. The gender of the person shouldn't matter. Unless you two have agreed on an open relationship, experimenting with other people, especially when you claim to love that person and want to move in with them, isn't really a good thing to do, especially if you already know you'd feel guilty doing it.

If you're going to feel guilty about something, don't do it. C: