by ghftz. » Sat Jun 15, 2013 3:40 pm
hey
hey mom
how about instead of staring me creepishly in the eyes when i make a stupid suggestion for several minutes before actually saying what's wrong with it
you just come out and say what's wrong with it and skip the damned staredown
seriously
you know damned well how uncomfortable staring makes me and you also know damned well that i do not think quickly and i'm not going to just magically come up with the reason just because you're staring at me
actually staring makes my brain shut down
so stop with the pointless dramatic effects okay because they're absolutely useless and discomforting
Also I bloody hate this sentence.
It isn't one that can simply be excluded as it's the beginning structure of the paragraph, but I can't frigging reword it so that it looks like.
"[brief summary], [motivation], [reasoning for motivation]; [explanation behind reasoning], [brief influence by character's mentality."
I have this god-awful attachment to run-on sentences. Though I can usually atleast make them make sense, here it just isn't working.. the three separate ideas at the beginning of the sentence are driving me up the wall. It sounds absolutely horrible and I can't figure out how to fix it. Problematically though, I'm currently re-writing something I wrote a long time ago and had once already asked for help on it, to a rather large group of people supposed to be really good at this stuff, and they weren't able to find a way to fix it either and I'm pretty sure if I asked for help on it again they'd either give the same response or maybe add on that I shouldn't be repeating a question I already got a response for, no matter how unsuccessful.
Last edited by
ghftz. on Sat Jun 15, 2013 3:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.