|TheComfortCorner| v.2

[classi]

:3 Routinely erased

[Madison143]

I like eating sugar because it makes me happy, and my mom RARELY buys sugar. So I asked her if maybe we could stop by the store to get something because I was chasing little kids around since 8:00 in the morning, and she goes on this tirade about how "I eat so unhealthy and I'm always eating sugar" when we don't even HAVE any sugar for me to eat! We have no ice cream, no candy, a tiny box of knock off oreo cookies that she says we can only have two of even though they're minuscule, and that's IT. We sometimes have ice cream, I usually have one of those every night. The tiny little single ones that aren't filling at all. THAT'S IT. We were arguing and I had to walk away because my mom sucks at arguing and I just can't stand her, honestly. All I want is to come home and maybe have some freaking sugar as a snack every once in a while because I hate everything and sugar makes me not hate everything so much. But, nooo, apparently I eat "too much sugar" even though the only time I have sugar (i.e. candy, cookies, anything snacky etc.) is after dinner and it's always the all natural stuff that has itty bitty servings. I just can't stand my mom anymore. She has no idea how to argue and she's always provoking me, implying that I'm always wrong, and insisting that she's some 'busy person' even though my dad's the one who works all day long and she just sits around and goes to lunch with her friends and complains. Sure they pay for my riding but she always tries to get me to not hack Riley because she has to stay for about two hours twice a week. Is that really so much to ask? She claims that "she has other things to do" but we get home and she just sits around and nags at everyone, and then claims that everyone's gossiping about her and yells at us all. I'm grateful money-wise for them but seriously? She's so selfish. I'm glad they pay for everything but actually watching my lessons every once in a while and not complaining every time I hack would be a million times better. I really don't like my mom anymore. Everything about her.
She's really unintelligent and we have to explain things to her a million times and she never gets it, yet she gets all upset when I get frustrated about it and starts arguing and I'm SICK OF IT. Every f**king day. I'm not exaggerating. If I'm a little irritated, she'll blow up on me and turn everything into this huge deal just because I was irritated at something. I AM AN IRRITABLE PESSIMISTIC PERSON. You'd THINK that she would freaking understand that by now. But every time I so much as act anything but normal/happy, she claims that I'm "coming down on her" and "being ungrateful". She's so incredibly selfish and seems to think that the world revolves around her. I'm sick of her making me feel guilty of everything. EVERY TIME I tell her, "yeah I'm going to hack tonight" she gets all upset and is like, "what you didn't tell me that" when I have my set hack days and she knows them. She always tries to persuade me not to hack and I can't stand it. She tries to twist it around and make it seem like it's for my own good or that if I do hack, it's selfish on my part and she has a lot of work to do (which she doesn't) when really, the only reason is because SHE doesn't want to be there for about 2 and a half hours to watch me because you have to have an adult there to watch you. She doesn't complain about lessons because she just drops me off and picks me up in about 3 hours, but she'll leash hell on me whenever I hack, every single time. Can't she set aside about 4 hours out of her non busy week for me? She has an iPhone, she has nothing else to do at home besides petty cleaning jobs that aren't even close to important, if she has paperwork or something to do she can bring it there, and she has a mini iPad. There is even internet there! She doesn't even watch me when I ride, she just sits with her head down and plays on her iPhone.
I don't want to be ungrateful, but I guess I am. I know that they've bought me a saddle and boots, and two polo shirts and some pants and my show clothes, but the moral support part is lacking. They "listen" to me when I blabber I guess, although that's not hard because they tune me out anyways. But she always complains when I'm hacking and I'm sick of it. Riding is the only non-destructive thing in my life that fulfills me and it's like she tries to stop me any way she can for selfish reasons. All she's sacrificed for me is money, to be honest. The barn is freaking 10 minutes away. SHE DOESN'T EVEN WORK. She doesn't have a job, my dad works all day, not her. She does the laundry, uses the dishwasher, makes dinner, goes to places with her friends, calls her friends and talks to them, drives me and my brother to the few places that we go, goes on her computer, does paperwork for the house and manages the budget and all that stuff, goes grocery shopping sometimes, and that's it. She has the audacity to call ME lazy (she calls me LAZY every chance she can get) when I try to run when I can, go work at summer camp for 8 hours so that my instructor can take off some money for horse shows SO THAT MY PARENTS DON'T HAVE TO PAY AS MUCH, ride Riley, try to f*cking stay ALIVE for heavens sake because I'm always depressed and anxious and I'm sick of being alive and I'm nearly at my breaking point.
She's incredibly annoying and can be over-protective sometimes for the stupidest reasons. She's a health freak and even though I'm really fit and even a little under weight, she's always insisting that we all eat soooo unhealthy and that we eat soooo much sugar even though I barely EVER eat candy and I NEVER eat sugary snacks, just a tiny little package of ice cream for dessert or not even good tasting skimpy cookies.
Don't even get me started on everything else she does that irritates me. She pops in every 10 minutes to say "hi" and irritates the crap out of my brother and I. We both like computers, and she's so overprotective about it. She insists on all these filters (even though she forgot to put them on my computer and phone and I've been hiding that from her) and always wants to know what we do on the computer. Plus, she always says that we're on the computer too much, and we have freaking COMPUTER TIMES. We have to be off the computer by 9:00, are you serious? She treats us like little kids in that aspect. She always brings up the argument that "when I was a teenager we didn't play on computers" and ignores that fact that when she was a teenager computers didn't exist. I don't really give a sh*t about that rule though and sneak on the computer and me and my brother play on our phones at night without her knowing anyways. She's stuck in the past and I'm sick of it. I'll just stop now before I start explaining all the other things (parents fighting, depression, anxiety, her pushing religion down my throat, her horrible arguing skills, her trying to make me feel bad/guilty/lazy, more on her annoyingness, her getting mad at me all the time, my dad's irritableness, me hating myself, a million things...) but... just... I can't. I just can't stand her anymore. I really, actually, do not like her. At all. I just want to get away from her, I guess I love her but we have no relationship and I don't want one because she's a b*tch. No one in real life really gives a real sh*t about me. I'm sick of being lonely and ugly and I feel like an attention wh*re when I say it but it's true.
I dislike her and me and everything so much. I just need a hug. D:

And kudos to you if you read that. :3

I read it XD

*Huggles* (>'-')>#

[ShadowHunteress]

@Silence- *Huggity hug Huggles*
I am so sorry to hear all that, at least you have your riding to escape to, and Riley to spend time with it. I know it's hard, but only a few more years and you can move out and live life how you want. Think of it as a lesson in patience and maybe find some close friends to confide in? Or even talk to Riley about it <3 I hope something helps <3

[ChemicallySleeping]

I'm going to a pizza buffet tonight. I don't know if I can handle that. I'm trying to get myself to eat more but that's... I don't know

[ShadowHunteress]

I'm going to a pizza buffet tonight. I don't know if I can handle that. I'm trying to get myself to eat more but that's... I don't know

Don't force yourself, just relax and keep calm, you don't have to eat a lot, just focus on who you are with <3

[ChemicallySleeping]

I'm going to a pizza buffet tonight. I don't know if I can handle that. I'm trying to get myself to eat more but that's... I don't know

Don't force yourself, just relax and keep calm, you don't have to eat a lot, just focus on who you are with <3

Thanks, <3 Youre really good at this whole advice thing

[fruitbat]

gahh
i swear the next person to call me fat will get a black eye.
i had 18 [yes i counted] people call me fat the other day.
i was called tree stump, porky, chuncky, fat dog [if you know what i mean]
and a pig.
im sick and tired of it. i TRY to become skinny like
the rest of the world, but it doesnt work.
i will starve myself again if that what it takes to prove myself
i dont want a tigh gap. i just want to be skinny. not
like stick thin, just thinner than i am now
WHY CANT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT

//endrant

[honee bee]

I see why other kids want to fail school. They have no goals. My parents reward my best grades with money. I've set goals to use that money for things. When I just asked my mom if I could use that money, she shot me down. There's no use talking to her. She sets her mind, and that's that. I hate it. I guess she wouldn't mind if I just failed school now. There is no reason why I want to earn money. I guess I'm cancelling all my babysitting jobs. I have $177 freakin dollars and she wont let me spend $50. She wants me to save it for the stupid expedition Yellowstone trip. If I want to do that. I would just spend 1 hour driving there. I'm never gonna forgive her or forget this. She lets him buy things he wants. I just can't do the same. She is such a Dream-Crusher. I might as well not buy the Video Camera I wanted also, she'll just shoot me down again. I don't care if you ignore this or not. I just wanted to vent my anger out.

[Gaotau]

gahh
i swear the next person to call me fat will get a black eye.
i had 18 [yes i counted] people call me fat the other day.
i was called tree stump, porky, chuncky, fat dog [if you know what i mean]
and a pig.
im sick and tired of it. i TRY to become skinny like
the rest of the world, but it doesnt work.
i will starve myself again if that what it takes to prove myself
i dont want a tigh gap. i just want to be skinny. not
like stick thin, just thinner than i am now
WHY CANT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT

//endrant

I know how you may feel. The thing is, don't try to conform to those people. Peer pressure is so hard to deal with. I wish it wouldn't happen, I wish there wasn't people like that. But the thing is, what I do, I don't base my self worth or self esteem on looks. I base it on my character.

You're probably a wonderful person, kind and compassionate. You will always have people call you names (I'm called bigot, freak, etc). The thing is, if you continue to base your self worth on what others think, it won't get you anywhere. You sound like a great person, and I mean that. But be sure to look at your character -- think, "I'm a good person because... I may not be the favorite of some people, but I'm a good person because..."

*Hugs* Don't worry about what they think, because in reality, it doesn't matter with what they think.

[ShadowHunteress]

gahh
i swear the next person to call me fat will get a black eye.
i had 18 [yes i counted] people call me fat the other day.
i was called tree stump, porky, chuncky, fat dog [if you know what i mean]
and a pig.
im sick and tired of it. i TRY to become skinny like
the rest of the world, but it doesnt work.
i will starve myself again if that what it takes to prove myself
i dont want a tigh gap. i just want to be skinny. not
like stick thin, just thinner than i am now
WHY CANT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT

//endrant

Thigh gaps are lies! Yes, some people have them, some don't, it doesn't matter how big or small you are, it depends on your bones and how you stand. You are fine how you look, people just are used to looking at scrawny actors who all look the same, here, check this video out, it's great:
Watch this, no matter what <3

I see why other kids want to fail school. They have no goals. My parents reward my best grades with money. I've set goals to use that money for things. When I just asked my mom if I could use that money, she shot me down. There's no use talking to her. She sets her mind, and that's that. I hate it. I guess she wouldn't mind if I just failed school now. There is no reason why I want to earn money. I guess I'm cancelling all my babysitting jobs. I have $177 freakin dollars and she wont let me spend $50. She wants me to save it for the stupid expedition Yellowstone trip. If I want to do that. I would just spend 1 hour driving there. I'm never gonna forgive her or forget this. She lets him buy things he wants. I just can't do the same. She is such a Dream-Crusher. I might as well not buy the Video Camera I wanted also, she'll just shoot me down again. I don't care if you ignore this or not. I just wanted to vent my anger out.

It's your money, your mom has no right to keep it from you. I hope that she gives you your money, explain to your mom that you could use the camera in Yellowstone maybe?