I have 15 more days of school. Ugh.
I'm also going to be away from the teacher I've had since I was a freshman next year. I only had him one semester each year, but somehow, that knowledge was comforting. Even though I didn't have his class at the current times, it still reassured me that he knew who I was and that we had interacted daily for an extended period of time. He's the only teacher I feel comfortable around and I feel like I can speak freely around him because he understands me, at least a little bit. I'm open and truthful in his class, but around all my other teachers, I'm a quiet girl with hardly anything to say. I'm just so scared because he won't be with me at all for the rest of my high school career. I'm even tearing up as I write this because he's the one that encouraged me to go on. His resilience, his wisdom, his knowledge, it all inspired me to grow up and be like him. It's just terrifying knowing that I won't be with him. It's like he'll be there, but he'll always be just out of reach. Perhaps one of the subs (or both of them, hopefully) will apply for a job (because five or six teachers are leaving for various reasons at the end of the year) and I can still have the support I crave from an elder. I know I need to become independent for when I shove off to college, but I can't bring myself to do that. I literally need a teacher like that in my life all the time. I don't know what I'd do without someone like that, I can't even fathom it. I imagine I feel like I need a supporting beam like that because my social skills and emotions are all weird and developed all funny or something.
I swear that when I graduate, I'm going to hug him and just cry my eyes out, despite the fact that neither of us like hugs and he's shorter than I am.