by Dumezil » Thu Feb 07, 2013 2:56 pm
/angsty young adult rant needing to vent pay no attention
"You have so much potential. Why don't you show it?"
Oh, I've only been hearing that for the past six years since I first got to high school and my grades weren't so good any more.
Maybe I'm already fabulous and you are just too dull to realize it.
But seriously.
Stop trying to fix me. Everyone. Can someone be happy with the way I am now? Satisfied with me and accepting of the idea that I am working every day to improve myself? Without constantly telling me what I could be better at/do better at? I feel like everyone who loves/likes me only does so because they love the idea of what they think I can become. Not what I am now.
Well, don't hold your breath.
I'm sick of it. I'm so tempted to drop out of college and enlist. I've been studying for hours and I'm pretty positive I am going to come out of the test feeling good then get it back and realize I barely passed. It is all I've ever wanted to do; be in the military. I'm not intelligent enough to be an officer like I've already proven leaving military school and I'm too anxious to be a good leader. I'm good at keeping my mouth shut and following commands.
No, I won't get paid a lot. Yes, there will be many people who are not from the same background as myself who joined for very opposite reasons. But it is all I've wanted to do.
Lately I've been feeling that I'm not even smart enough for that, though. I'm not physically fit enough. I'm not confident enough.
"If you just did this more you would be better-"
Yeah, I get it.
Maybe I should just set my goals lower. I'll try my best to be a good hobo someday.
That's it, guys. My new life goal; a successful hobo. Watch me fail at it.
If I'm so sucky at everything I try to do and everyone is always disappointed because I'm not trying to do more in the first place why am I even here?
The person who cremates bodies: "Wow, she burns really fast. Must be all the fat."
Me: "YES! FINALLY I AM GOOD AT SOMET- ASDFL:FDS:LFDS:FDS."
Would be just my luck.