Write a Letter you Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[INK.]

C,
Talked to M. He asked about J, out of "irrelevant objective curiosity" (yeah, sure. it was a guilt trip for me. -it wasn't prompted, he just sent it in the middle of our conversation, just suddenly him asking 'how long did you love him?') (I DIDN'T BREAK UPWITH YOU FOR HIM) But he didn't try to go down that path because it was just out of "irrelevant curiosity"... I told him "I wouldn't say I love him", and he in turn told me, "Well you best let him know before you get his hopes up too high." That punched me in the stomach. He doesn't understand that you generally don't say that you love someone until weeks or months into a relationship, let alone directly to your most recent ex.
I couldn't talk to him for very long. We didn't talk much about what's going on with him because he seemed to just want to know once again why we broke up because he knew I didn't tell him everything before. He still seemed hurt about us, and he once again attempted to fix me and my depression. That has always pissed me off, I don't want anyone to fix me, he denied that that was a what he was trying to do and said he was just "trying to help me fix myself," and that statement didn't help at all, because even though I'm still not great, I'm doing a lot better and he has NEVER helped me in that way. He diverted our conversation to us, so I had to plunge back about 30 days and remember all of the things that were making me so unhappy, all of the things that I finally put behind me. He told me that he's going through major ups and downs, fine one moment, on the brink of snapping the next, and that he's been really bitter and sometimes it wells up inside of him too much- and he doesn't know how to vent it out- so he looses control and snaps- like in math at A on friday. He doesn't know how to control himself when he's not okay emotionally, that's why he's been a jerk sometimes, why he yells, or when he becomes a little violent towards his band. He's not happy about this, but he didn't say anything more on this subject, he just wanted to get more closure on our break up.
So I feel like a lot of this is my fault.... for how we broke up, for liking J, for not telling him all of the reasons why I did it- but I also know that I couldn't talk about all of that at the time, ...but I still feel guilty. I was past all of this, and a lot of it just came back on me. Hopefully it will go away pretty quickly.

So in general, me talking to M..... fairly inconclusive. But it sounds like he's slowly getting better, and I don't feel like I have to call his parents unless he gets worse again. Thank god. But I still want him to be okay, and frankly- he's not. I'm not sure what to do. I wish he had someone who make him talk to them (because he would probably nearly never reach out himself). This time, that person can't be me.

INK.

[Takk]

Dear J-----
--You are by far the most caring person who has come into my life and in such a short time you've made miles of difference. I wish you'd stop saying bad things about yourself and only good things about me. If you don't like something, I wanna hear it and I want to tell you what I like. You've made me very happy and I will have this joy in my heart for a week if not more.
--Please call me again sometime, I don't care if your crying. I love you very much and I wish you'd see what that does to me. Cry to me all you want, I won't think less of you ever. Keep being you, I like you just the way you are... Thank you for being there, I wish I could cry to show you how happy you've made me...

Hugs,
-Miss Mae

PS. Your very entertaining, don't act like your not. I wish you happiness forever and a day

[baestille]

dear friend !!!


so first of all, i am an avid writer who comes up with many ideas that i treat like my babies, and you're my one of closet friends and have been for a long time. i trust you with my babies and i trust in you to tell me if they need work and if they are good. i am self conscious of posting my ideas or doing anything because of what people might think or how it might end up. i expect you as a friend to respect this and not steal my freaking ideas and then take the first three chapters edit the names and then post them on wattpad for everyone to see.
i am so beyond frustrated with you, and i cannot believe you pulled that one me. you have stolen one idea, how many others have you stolen. maybe if you actually didn't steal i wouldn't be losing all my trust in you right now.
at least you admit it.
as a friend i thought you would support me in my choices and understand that that story was relatable to me, in a deep and personal way you cannot even connect on, and you made it a FAnFiC omylord
i thought you would support me but you stole it from me !!!!! :)

[.sleepwalkers.]

Dear Sol,

Okay, I'm sorry about what happened in that test. You were really annoying me though, so don't say 'ha!'. But you're helping me listen to myself. And that's good, 'cause I usually don't listen to myself. So thank you.

- me.

[beemo]

Deer jar
U smell bad
So dus UR sad but water

Luv cathy

[opalineteardrops]

Dear friends,
I am sorry I'm like this. I'm sorry I seem so... Jumpy. I just... I get loanly and..

I'm sorry I can't be who you want me to be. I'll stop jumping on you now.

I guess.. I just sought for a friend that makes me happy. Someone who I can spam chat and get all giggly with without regretting it.

I'll stop messaging you all now... There's no point... I just make you all upset. I'm sorry. This is all my fault.

[wolfsong-mapleflame]

Dear skul.
I want you to know what's inside,
The pain that I am forced to hide,
I smile to keep it in,
In hopes you won't see.

This depression, it's killing me,
And if you have been seeing what I write, you know it's true,
I hate myself, and I know I'm useless,
In the end, I'm not even a name on a page.

I can't take this anymore,
I hope you understand,
Why I stop hiding the pain,
Maybe you could help.

I hide so I don't hurt anyone,
I'm going to die anyway.
Don't bother joking around,
Because the laughter I show is fake.

I hide behind a smile,
My smile becomes a mask.
I laugh when I want to curl up and die,
I stay silent when I can't laugh through the pain.

I hope you understand ,
Why I'm going to stop lying.
Why I'm taking off the mask.
And let you see my feelings,

But it's only for a second,
I'm going to die eventually
Best to show how much I'm hurting
Than keep it all inside.

I want you to understand
I'm not angry at you when I'm silent
I'm not sulking when I'm ignoring people
I just can't pretend to smile

It's hard to answer 'what's wrong'
When nothing is right.

~lexi

[TheSonicRainboom]

Dear OCD, MCAS, and the heat,

Stahp.

Dear Ancient Romans,

How come your language is so complicated?

Dear Z___,

If you don't make a move anytime soon I'm asking S__ out for you, k?

Dear ___,

So you gonna make a move or not? I think you love me. I feel the same. Nah, girls can't make the first move. You'll think I'm crazy. Wait a sec, I am c(;
PS, if any of my friends bring this up ever again I swear on the soul of Mitt Weston I will never let you see the light of day again, k?

[candycane001]

Dear Boy who sits in front of me,
I don't know why, but I have this huge crush on you. I met you this year, and you are everything I love. Unfortunately your girlfriend thinks so too. Today in class, the teacher commented on your relationship with her and I felt like I was ripping in half. Today you held the door open for me, and when I held another for you, you smiled. You are funny, sweet, smart, handsome, and overall just awesome. I don't know why I feel this way. You were talking to your girlfriend in the hall, and as I walked by I waited to hear your laugh. I know you love her. Before her, I thought you loved me, but now I see it. You just flirt with us all, don't you? I know that, yet I still wait for you. I sometimes catch you sending me a glance like I'm crazy, and your eyes just make me fall deeper. Don't ask me why. I do everything to try and get you to notice me. I try to make you jealous by flirting with the other guy in front, and you laugh at him. I try to keep my head down, waiting for you to say, 'What's up?', but you never comment. You ignore me outside of class, and that in itself made me realize, nobody here actually cares enough. We laugh, we chat, we have fun, but outside of that one room, everyone flips a switch. Yet I still love you. Heck, everyone seems to. Even my best friend thinks you're cute. So I just sit there.
Sincerely,
When will you notice? xo
P.S. If anyone here has any tips, I'd appreciate it.
P.P.S. If you know me, please shut up. I get enough about it from you guys anyways.

[Archaic_GreenEye]

Dear... My spanish 3H teacher,
do you honestly think you deserve your job? Oh wait, I'm sorry, I though spanish was about learning the language, not about some stupid "Juanes" singer you people are obsessed with. He doesn't even sing half his songs in spanish! When my parents were in school no more than like 20 years ago (for all you kids out there, thats not long ago, calm down), they would actually SPEAK SPANISH IN SPANISH CLASS. OH MY GOD SUCH A REVOLUTIONARY THOUGHT. Even if this stupid class was called "spanish history 3H" or some garbage like that, shouldn't we at least read Don Quixhote or some of the other finer arts of spanish? English and Spanish are both language classes, why does one focus on conjucating 7 words different ways and singing (in english).. and arguning mute points, while in the other *cough**cough*english*cough* we study the language. Please, Señora B----, for your health (as I will start throwing text books at you if this continues) LEAVE THE SCHOOL OR DO YOUR JOB! Sometimes I don't understand how some people could possibly like the school system here
-Archaic (Im known to you as the only guy not accepted in SHS, I have a better grade than most so... why not exactly? Im also far more mature than half)