Write a Letter you Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[icicle1107]

G,
Basically what is going on between me and A is this.
-He broke up with Z for me (which I felt bad about)
-He says he loves me
-He wants time so he isn't jumping from relationship to relationship (partially so that he doesn't hurt Z as bad)
-He talks about other girls and possible feelings for them (which hurts)
-He talks about how much he hates it here, how much he doesn't like the people, how he wants to leave (which hurts because I don't want him to go)
-Our entire relationship right now is based on sexual interactions via text, call..etc (which drives me mad)
-He mentions specific people and how he doesn't like them (they are my friends and he is attacking them)
-I'm tired of waiting. It has been 4 months.
-I'm tired of dealing with him complaining about how he misses home. he's stuck here so he needs to suck it up and accept that.
-He doesn't know what to do with me when I'm depressed. Things aren't helping as much and he's unwilling to talk.
-I find myself more and more frequently lying to him and saying I am okay.
-I've talked to him on the phone every night this week and I love it, even the silences between us talking. I always am smiling by the end.
-He says such positive things sometimes but then the next day he goes on a rant about it negatively.
-He doesn't open up
-I still love him but I'm starting to question whether that is a good thing
-we talk about when we were together and smile on it because we were happy.
-I want to be with him
-I'm caught between longing and wanting to push him far far away
-He drives me mad but I can't hold anything against him
-Even though what we are doing now isn't good for me, I can't stop
-I promise myself I wont do something but then I end up doing it anyways because I love it so much
-He is so attractive
-He's too religious
-I try to talk to him and he listens
-He tells me I am beautiful and I can believe it
-When I am around him I can't help but smile
-When I'm down just his presence or the sound of his voice brings me up
I think the only reason I am not happy with this is because he wont make up his mind. Everything else I can deal with when I have other things to think about. Then the pros outweigh the cons. But right now I have too much to think about and deal with this at the same time. I'm pretty much done.
So yeah that's what is going on,
~icicle1107

[INK.]

M,
I'm sorry that was probably really weird and uncomfortable for you at club, and it was pretty ... odd. And I know that how C and I act- in that way- is ..uncomfortable?. for you, but, it's a 3 year habit of sorts and that will probably not stop any time soon, and I don't necessarily want it to either. I couldn't really read you very well, not as clearly as normal today and man, I want to get to be with you alone soon, we need to be able to talk and really be together, I need to be able to talk to you, I know your not okay, and there is a lot I want to say, but that isn't for a letter. Sorry I was such a spaz today too.

C,
I'm sorry if you felt like a third wheel, I mean, I'm sure you did........ sorry,

I think today was at least a little weird for all three of us. I think I was the center of the weirdness... sorry

[spencer]

Dear C,
if you ever gonna find out what we're planning for Monday, please unterstand. We're doing this to help you since there is no way you can get out alone. We want to help you.
~Lio.

[palebirchtrees]

Dear ******,

I don't want to, but I think I love her. It's strange, because you know how I have problems with my feelings, but with her... I can actually feel them. I just wish I could tell you without hurting you, because you know I love you, I care about you, I want you to be happy... I can't imagine hurting you, but I don't know what else to do. I will probably end up being passive and waiting for you to end it, wait this relationship out, because I do indeed love you, I know I do. *sigh* I'm sorry I'm so... I don't know... I just wish I could be better for you.

I love you. ~Destiny

[Guest]

I'm Sorry,

To The People I've Hurt, Denied, Made Fun Of, Stared At, Hated, Been Mean To, Ignored, Hide Away From, wasn't There For, Watched, Or Did Nothing To. To The People I've Loved, Cared For, Stuck Up, Hugged, Cried, Helped, Was There For, Opened Up To, Looked Away, Shared With, Laughed With. To The People I've Wanted To Know, Didn't Know, Hated To Know, Do Know, Loved To Know, Cared To Know, Or Could Care Any Less For. To The People With Messed Up Lives, With Happy Lives, With Unknown Lives, With Emotional Break Downs. There Is Nothing I Can Do Anymore. I Always Thought I Would Be a Wonderful, Happy, Beautiful, Talented Girl. No I'm A Ugly, Depressed, Clumsy, Rude, Sensitive, Uninteresting *****. There Is Nothing Left For Me Because I Will Always Love But Then Hate Someone Else. When I Argue I Don't Know What To Say But Im sorry. I don't understand Emotion anymore and that is why I am who I am. I've realized soon That I Am Nothing But A:
Lier, Mean, Rude, Dumb, Stupid, Fatty, Ugly, Lazy, Selfish, Cruel, Hostile, Harsh, Depressing, Sad, Sensitive, Shy, Clumsy, Failure, Empty, Disappointing, Useless, Forgetting, Ignorant, Obnoxious, Disgrace, Clingy, Messed Up, Person. Apologizing Is The Only Thing And The Only Way I Know How To Receive What I Need, My Friends, My Help, My Trust. Though No Body Else Apologizes Anymore Only I Do. For Things I Didn't Even Do But I Still Blame myself. I'm Sorry

~ I'm Sorry For Being The Way I Am, And I Should Just......

[proud.little.wolf]

Dear love,

I wish you were here right now... I just wanna snuggle and play Assassin's Creed until one in the morning with you.

Your girlfriend,
Xela

[lying beast.]

Dear A,
I am finally free of your grasp. About a week ago you told me to get personal help since i hissed and scratched you because you where ruining my drawing. Guess what?? I don't care. Everyone is unique. I don't think its normal to flirt with every single boy that you see but yet, you still do it. I don't have to listen to you complain, argue, or whine about your life. You know mine is harder. When I walked into your class for science, you looked at me as if I were something off of the bottom of your shoe. Not because my hair was soaked to the scalp but because you hate me. Sure it was hailing and pouring rain, but I don't care what people think of me. I wear my weirdness like a crown. I am NOT the mean one either. Most popular kids are extremely rude to geeks and nerds. You never stood up for me. I ALWAYS stand up for you. You swear and lie while I don't swear at ALL. Next time you go begging for friendship I'll tell you this to your face: "I already forgave you. Its if I trust you. A Taurus will loose all trust when you betray them. That was the 3rd time you betrayed me. Come back in a few days and tell me if you will actually BE a loyal friend instead of destroying my life. If the answer is no, I will NOT be surprised. I wish you clear skies."
~J

[tyger.]

Dear Calf (it is an actual baby cow, yes)

Please please please be okay. You are going to be alright, okay? You have vitamin d deficiency and not a heart problem. That is the truth, it's not the other way around. I promise. I'll hope for you, but you gotta do some too, y'know? Keep strong. Stay safe.

-the one who comes and feeds you on mondays and fridays, and who hugged you today and told you you would be fine

Dear Orthodontist

I do not want braces. Repeat again. I'm happy with how my teeth are. I don't need braces. Thank you.

-the one whose teeth you are soon to attempt to straighten

Dear the characters in my head

Don't go anywhere. I love the five of you. You're my team, okay?

-the one whose head you inhabit

[northern downpour ;;]

Calico,

You hurt me. You lied to me. I... I can't ever forgive you for this.
If you really really need me, I'll be in Santa Fe. Look for me. I'll be there.

-Nuclear Winter

Cin,

Focus. You have to work.
Breathe in. Out. In.
Good. Focus on your work. Focus on every good thing in your life.
What's that? What good things? ... Oh, I don't know, dear, you'll think of something.

~Nuclear Winter

[kaseylu]

S~

you're causing so much drama.
I love you, but why did you all
of a sudden practically go insane?
stop blaming all of the things that
are happening on us. Can't you go
back to who you were before?

We miss you

love,
M

K~

you're just feeding into everything,
making the problems S has worse.
Did you not notice why we are all
acting so different? You just aren't
here anymore. We love that you
and S are spending more time
together, but you don't realize that
you are neglecting the rest of us.

love,
M