Woo, haven't been here in a while. :3 It's nice to be back to CS!
Now I have some guy problems ;-;
List of people in this post:
R - My best friend/guy who supposedly has a crush on me
KB - My other best friend who is like a brother to me and is super wise and smart
M - Close friend of mine/who I have a sort of flirtationship with
E - Female friend
Alright, let us begin.
My best friend R and I are super close. I'm really close to all of my friends, but him and I are the closest, thus the reason why we're best friends. We agree on everything, tend to have the same opinion on things, have a lot in common, etc. Basically, whenever you call me over, you're pretty much calling the both of us and vice versa because when we're in the same place together (like when we're hanging out or at school) we're inseparable and that's just how it is. People just kinda know that, though. You call for him, and you call for me, too. You invite me somewhere, and you're inviting him, too. It's just a silent agreement that where one of us goes, the other goes.
See, EVERYBODY constantly asks us if we're dating. And I'm not just meaning a few friends have asked if we're dating. No, people we don't even know will be around us to talk to someone else with us, and they'll ask if we're dating after only being around us for like five minutes. According to KB, we flirt a lot, but I'm naturally a very affectionate and flirty person so I don't even realize I'm doing it. I'm super affectionate with all my friends, lots of hugging and playful cuddling and stuff. But I don't ever give off the wrong impression. No, I make sure to set people straight. If I like you, you'll know, if I don't, you'll also know. The end. I don't mislead people about how I feel about them, I just tell them straight-up. Anywho, everybody seems to think that we're dating, and we always tell them, "No, we're just best friends" and then the next time they see us they'll say, "Are you dating yet?" like they're just waiting for it to happen. All of our close friends are absolutely convinced that we're dating, and KB is constantly either saying that we're dating or that we should be dating.
KB is like my older brother, even though he's a couple months younger than me. He's protective over me and he's always giving me advice about what guys are good, what guys are bad, y'know. I tend not to listen to him and it always ends up badly. All of my ex-boyfriends that turned out to be jerks are people that he said, "You shouldn't date him, he's a bad guy" but I didn't listen and did it anyways. So, when it comes to guys I date, KB's never been wrong. I've never really dated any good guys, and I've always kinda let myself be walked on when it comes to relationships and stuff and KB says that I deserve a good guy and he says that I should just listen to him for once. He is absolutely dead-set that I should date R. He says, and I quote, "He would never hurt you, be nothing but nice and sweet to you, and protect you from everything and everyone." I know that that's true, but I'm conflicted as to whether I like R that way or not. We've been best friends for so long that it seems kinda weird to me. I can sorta imagine us as a couple, but I can't really imagine us doing couple things like holding hands or kissing or anything. And yet at the same time, I think I like him. I always look to him for his opinion on things, he always makes me feel better, I always worry about what I look like when I'm about to go hang out with him, I can tell him anything, I feel jealous whenever he mentions other girls he likes/has dated, stuff like that. I think I like him, but us being a couple seems weird to me.
KB thinks we're absolutely perfect together, and he says that R told him that he likes me. I'm pretty sure that R does like me; he literally ALWAYS pays for me when we go to the hockey rink or to the movies or something (even though I tell him not to because it makes me feel bad), he ALWAYS buys me something whenever he goes on trips and never gets any of his other friends anything, I'm the only one out of his friends that he knows the birthday of, he's ALWAYS inviting me to come hang out with him, he constantly texts me, he's really protective and whenever somebody says something bad about me he asks if I want him to do something about it, he'll do anything for me (like for example, he's a metal head and all he listens to is metal music. He absolutely hates One Direction, but I love One Direction, and I asked him if he'd come to the One Direction 3D movie with me when it came out because all my other friends are male and hate 1D and refuse to come with me, and even though he hates One Direction and his friends are playfully teasing him about it, he said he'd come with me), he always makes sure to include me in everything, he always asks my opinion on things, he always asks what I want to do, etc. I don't doubt that he likes me, but I'm not sure if I feel the same.
Me and KB had a long conversation about it and here's how it went.
Me: Having some issues I guess, about who I'm not sure if I like or not.
KB: Like [insert R's name here].
Me: Lol, you catch on fast.
KB: I'm smart. You like [R's Name Here]?
Me: Clearly. See, that's the issue. I have absolutely no clue.
KB: You should. He would never hurt you, be nothing but nice and sweet to you, and protect you from everything and everyone.
Me: Yeah I know he would, that's just how he is. I think I might, but it seems weird to me at the same time.
KB: I know it seems weird, but best friends date all the time. That's usually why they last so long.
Me: Yeah but I don't know if I could actually date him. It just seems weird, you know?
KB: Not really, to be honest.
Me: Why does everybody think we're dating anyways? We don't act like a couple or anything, do we?
KB: Honestly, sometimes you do.
Me: Really? How so?
KB: I could be wrong, but you often do flirt a lot. Then again, that's just your personality.
Me: Yeah, I guess so, 'cause I don't even realize it.
KB: Personal opinion, go out with [R'snamehere]. You didn't hear it from me but he likes you, too.
Me: Lol, and what makes you so sure?
KB: He told me, how else would I know?!
Me: Lol, alright, alright, calm down. Just a question.
KB: It was a really dumb question :p
Me: Well I didn't know he told you :p
KB: Well I don't know how else I could've found out.
Me: I don't know, maybe you could just tell or something.
KB: Lol, I could. I guessed before he told me.
Me: Lol, oh? Is it really that obvious?
KB: Yeah. For me, anyways.
Me: Well apparently it is to everyone else too since everyone thinks we're dating. [E'snamehere] asked if we liked each other and apparently he waited for me to answer before answering.
KB: Well, he's just afraid of what you would say.
Me: Yeah, I guess so. I don't know how I feel.
KB: The best thing for you to do is to just date [R'snamehere].
Me: So says everybody, but it seems weird to me. Maybe it's just because we've been best friends for so long. I don't know. I just can't actually imagine us being together.
KB: I can. You guys would be great together.
Me: Well of course you can. You're one of dozens of people who think we should be together.
KB: Exactly.
Me: I still think it'd be weird though.
KB: Just give it a shot.
Me: Yeah, but then what if it didn't work out and we couldn't be bffs anymore?
KB: I'm pretty sure he'd still be bffs with you.
Me: But wouldn't it be awkward? I think it'd be weird to date him. Like I can't imagine us actually being together.
KB: Just date [R'snamehere]. You know it's a good idea.
Me: It's not that simple, broskii.
KB: But it really is.
Me: No it's not, I still think it'd be weird. Besides, I don't even know if I like him or not.
KB: You do. I can tell.
Me: How?
KB: I often know other people's emotions better than they do.
Me: Well, I don't know.
KB: Lol, duh. But I do. I still think just say screw logic and do it anyways.
Me: I can't just say screw logic. I'm a thinker, I don't like doing stuff without thinking. Maybe I overthink things sometimes, but still.
KB: Lol, you think YOU can't do stuff without logic or reason? Have you met me?
Me: I know you can't, so you know how it feels. I can't either.
KB: Just think about it more. You'll see that I'm right.
Me: I will, but I don't know if it'll really change my mind.
KB: You never listen anyways. I don't know why you ask for help, lol.
Me: Because I'm actually considering listening to you! Lol, you're always right anyways.
KB: [E'snamehere] listens now too! She thinks I can see the future.
Me: OMG! I never thought of that!
KB: Duh.
Me: Lol, smart chick. I bet you can see the future.
KB: [E'snamehere] agrees with you on that. A magician never reveals his secrets ;)
Me: Dang. Well what do you see in my future, oh magical magician?
KB: Just take my advice and date [R'snamehere].
Me: Lol, what am I supposed to do, just randomly ask him out? I've never asked anyone out, you know.
KB: I'll tell him to ask you out, idiot. I'm just saying. Say yes when he does.
Me: Lol and how are you gonna make him listen to you?
KB: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ME!
Me: Lol okay, okay.
KB: Good. And I did all the thinking for you. Just say yes.
Me: I can't just say yes. I gotta think about it. I don't even know if I like him and I honestly think it'd be weird for us to date.
KB: We've been over this a thousand times! Woman, just listen to me! I'm gonna be right anyways!
Me: I know, but I still think it'd be awkward and weird!
KB: Fine. Tell him you'll think about it for dramatic effect and then say yes.
Me: Lol, I'm serious bro. I still can't imagine us actually dating, but apparently everyone else can.
KB: JUST DO IT WOMAN!
Me: Lol, I can't just do things without thinking.
KB: Sometimes it's best to stop thinking and just do it. Sometimes you just need to go full blonde and just do stuff. It's hard for me to do it too. When I asked [insert his crush's name] to dance I had to shut down all logic, get [R'snamehere] to push me, and stutter my way into a slow dance. Hellz. Yeah.
Me: True, and it did work... But still, I don't know.
KB: Nike. Just do it.
Me: Lol, I don't work like that.
KB: If you had Nike shoes I bet this would be easier.
Me: Lol, I do and it's not easier.
KB: Screw logic, man.
And then we started discussing girls he likes, and ended up at this.
KB: Well if [insert crush's name here] likes me, then yeah! My endless pain will end. So if that could happen, that'd be great.
Me: Then my Kadger Badger (that's my nickname for him XD) would finally be happy! :) And then there's me. Yeah.
KB: Yeah, I'd be really happy. And what? You're gonna find someone, you know. Probably [R'snamehere].
Me: Lol, you're just determined that me and [R'snamehere] are gonna end up together, huh?
KB: Oh yes. Very.
Me: Lol, sure. Alrighty then.
KB: Well, you both like each other. I can tell.
Me: I don't even know if I do yet and that doesn't necessarily mean that we're gonna end up together.
KB: Yes it does.
Me: No it doesn't.
KB: Hush. Yes it does. But I'm super tired so I'm going to sleep. Night, love you.
Me: Lol, no it doesn't! And I was just gonna say that. Night, love you too.
Yeah. KB is very good and sensing people's emotions and feelings, and what he says about dating things is always true in my experience - when I dated A, he said, "Don't date him. He'll get all jealous and possessive and annoying and waste all of your time." and what happened? A got all jealous and possessive and annoying and wasted all of my time. And when I dated this other guy, M, he said, "Don't date him. He's a player, he's just gonna break up with you." and what happened? Two days later, M broke up with me. I didn't really care, it didn't bother me, but still. And when I dated this other guy with the first initial M, he said, "Don't date him. He's the kind of guy that'll talk to you constantly when you're hanging out one-on-one, but he won't so much as look at you when you're at school." and what happened? He talked to me constantly when it was just us, but wouldn't so much as look at me when we were at school. You get the picture. KB's really smart and wise and he has a very good sense of people, about whether they're good or bad, and what he tells me always turns out to be true.
But I'm not ready to just randomly date R just because KB says it's a good idea. No, I don't date people just because other people tell me to, I date them because I like them. I think I like R, but I'm not sure. Like the other day we were hanging out, we had this cute little moment that made me feel all fluttery and blushy. Basically, we were hanging out at the hockey rink, sitting at a table with some friends. We have this inside joke that we went to Vegas and got married, so we'll always say, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" and nobody else gets it. I was texting M, the guy I dated for a few days and who I have a sort of flirtationship with, and R got all "playfully" protective, but I'm not sure if it was really just playful or not. We were joking around, pretending we actually went and got married, you know, just having fun. And then when I mentioned something about me talking to M, he said, "Hey, I don't want you talking to him, okay? Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." and I played along and said, "I'll talk to him if I want to! You can't stop me!" He sounded seriously protective, to the point where I wasn't sure if he was just playing around or not, and he replied with, "Please just stop talking to him, okay?" and I kept playing around and said, "You can't make me stop seeing him!" and he said, "I can and I will! I'm not letting you cheat on me!" and we kept joking around like that, but the protective tone he was putting on sounded pretty serious. I thought it was cute, because he sounded like he was genuinely worried about me talking to M and stuff.
Then we were discussing who I loved more, him or M. KB is always playfully mean to me (like an older brother would be to his younger sister, just playfully) and so he says that he only loves me 49.9% of the time, whereas me and R have agreed that we love each other 313% of the time (the three-hundred because it's his lucky number and the thirteen because it's my lucky number), and so we were discussing whether I loved him more or M, and he sounded genuinely distressed when I mentioned something about possibly loving M more than him, and even though we were joking around, he sounded kinda serious and I thought it was cute. He was asking who I loved more, and I said that I loved them both equally, and he said, "But [mynamehere], you can't love him as much as you love me! Remember, you love me 313% of the time. You can't love him nearly that much!" and I said, "But I do!" and he said, "No, you can't!" and KB jumped into the conversation and said, "Aww, you're making poor [R'snamehere] so sad." and R responded with, "Yeah, she is. It hurts, it really does." and pretended to be all sad and pretended to wipe away tears. But he did sound genuinely somewhat sad, and I just thought it was really cute.
And as we were talking about this, playfully arguing over who I loved more, we just sort of had this moment. I had my arms on the table and my head resting on my arms, and he the same, and we were just kinda staring into each other's eyes while we were talking, and we were just really close to each other. Normally when you're in a conversation, you look away after a few seconds. But we just stared at each other for like five minutes while we were talking, and it made my heart beat faster and I got all fluttery and shy and it was like butterflies in my stomach, and it was at that point that I thought that maybe I could like him. Then I playfully told M that him and R were gonna have to fight over me, and R seriously seemed like he was up for it. I'm not really sure if he was just joking around or not. And then KB grabbed my phone and ran off into the boy's room with it and I didn't even have to ask for R's help - he immediately got up and ran after him and brought my phone back to me without me even asking him to, he just did it.
I also tend not to text him back that much, just because he's one of those people that you can't really have a long texting conversation with. You know those people that just continue making the conversation completely dead-ended? Yeah, he's one of those people that just sucks at texting conversations. Literally the only conversation you can have with him over text is the, "Hey" "Hey" "What's up?" "Nothing much, you?" "Nothing much" "Cool" "Yeah" and then that's it. Know those kinds of people? So, I don't text him that much, and he was complaining about how I always text M but how I never text him. And the morning after the rink and after I assured him that I loved him more than M, we were texting, and this is how our conversation went.
R: Hey.
Me: Hey.
R: Why will you text [M'snamehere] and not me? :(
Me: Lol because.
R: Because why?
Me: Because... Lol, I don't have a reason.
R: I see... What's up?
Me: Slowly dying, hbu?
R: Lol, same. On my way to [insertcitynamehere].
Me: Lol nice. I burnt myself trying to make breakfast.
R: That sucks.
Me: Yeah :(
R: So I'm not expected to fight [M'snamehere], right? Lol.
Me: Lol, no. He doesn't wanna fight you either.
R: Good. Lol, did he finally ask you out yet? (I was previously complaining the night before to him about how M and I were constantly flirting but he hadn't asked me out yet)
Me: No :( Lol, I think he's just afraid of commitment.
R: I see. What would you say if he did?
Me: I'd say yes :) he's my snugglebear.
R: I see.
Me: Indeed.
R: You love him more than me, don't you?
Me: Nah, I love you equally.
R: But you said you'd say yes if he asked you out, but you wouldn't if I did.
Me: Lol you wouldn't ask me out anyways so it doesn't matter.
R: But you would never go out with me and you would with him so you love him more.
Me: Lol, I love you equally, just in different ways.
R: I see.
Me: Exactly. It's makes sense.
R: Yeah, I guess.
Me: I'm eating soup for breakfast... Wow, I'm weird.
R: Lol, so you burnt yourself making soup?
Me: Yeah 'cause I'm a failure :(
R: Lol, don't worry, I am too.
Me: Haha, at least we can be failures together.
R: We will be forever alone and failures together forever.
Me: Lol yeah.
And then we were discussing what he's going to get me on my birthday, which is the eighteenth, and this was our conversation.
R: What do you want for your birthday?
Me: Umm... I dunno. You don't have to get me anything.
R: I'm going to anyways. Think about it and I'll text you tomorrow. I gotta go, getting on the plane.
*next day*
R: Did you think about what you want for your birthday?
Me: No lol. You don't have to get me anything.
R: I will, though.
Me: Nooo! Quit spending money on me lol.
R: I don't care.
Me: But I do.
R: Why?
Me: 'Cause it makes me feel bad.
R: Seriously, don't. I don't care.
Me: Yeah, but I do.
R: Please don't.
Me: But I do!
R: [Mynamehere]... Please don't feel bad.
Me: I can't help it. I just do.
R: Just know that I don't mind at all.
Me: I know you don't but I still do.
R: Why?
Me: I don't know. I just do.
R: Well, I'm getting you something for your birthday anyways.
Me: Lol of course you are. Not gonna listen to me?
R: No, lol. Just tell me what you want.
Me: Ugh, I dunno.
R: Is there anything you've wanted for a while?
Me: Since you're so determined to get me something, I'll think about it.
R: Okay.
Me: Le gasp! I know what you could get me.
R: Lol, what?
Me: Matching best friend bracelets or necklaces or something! That'd be adorable :)
R: Lol, I can try.
Me: Well, I think that'd be super adorable lol.
R: If I can't find that is there anything else I could get you?
Me: Or like a giraffe plushie :) I'm a gingeraffe. (I'm a ginger, and I love giraffes, lol)
R: Lol, okay.
And then with the 1D movie thing, this was our conversation.
Me: OMG [R'snamehere]! I will love you forever if you'll do something for me!
R: What?
Me: Come to the One Direction 3D movie with me when it comes out? Kadger Badger won't come with me. He refuses to question his manhood like that.
R: Lol, yeah, I'll come.
Me: Yay! [InsertKB'snamehere] said you wouldn't.
R: I'm not saying I'll enjoy it, but I'll come, lol.
Me: Yay! <3 True best friendism.
R: Lol, sup?
Me: Playing Assassin's Creed 3. Oh so NOW [insertKB'snamehere] wants to come.
R: Wow. He just wants to be a part of it.
Me: Yeah. Apparently now he questions your manhood lol. But I love you more than him now.
R: Tell him that I'm more of a man than him. My texts won't go through to him.
Me: I will haha. True best friends go to One Direction movies with their bffs even though they don't like 1D.
R: Even when one is a metal head they still go lol.
Me: Exactly because you truly love me unlike Kadger. And he says you wish you were more of a man lol.
R: Yeah and I am more of one. I'm going with you because you're my best friend.
Me: Exactly. Lol, [KB'snamehere] loves me 178% of the time now.
R: But you love me 313% of the time.
Me: Exactly haha.
R: Lol or do you love me more since I'm going to this movie with you?
Me: Definitely. 3013% now lol.
R: Haha, awesome.
So yeah.
Sorry that this is so long X-X
This is both a rant to just get this off my chest and to get some help. So if anyone has any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it :3
The thing I'm asking him to is the day after though and hopefully he'll get the hint... Neither of us has actually got up the courage to tell the other we like them but maybe this will be a big enough hint...
