TheComfortCorner | V.8

[hiero]

Why would it want to see itself from this perspective? I am a disgrace. I am destroying my own self.

[will byers]

im in so much pain right now, i cant take this anymore

[Spearow]

mm so today my anxiety just kind of simmered beneath the surface until this evening. i sat in a parking lot for three hours, reading a fanfic. which geez i wish people would tag their works better because that story got dark and left me uneasy and sad for the characters. ah at least i was out of the house for a good while

when i got home its like i was just in time for my mom to have a mental breakdown. which more than anything just made me uncomfortable and irritated. because she was upset over for something she always shames me for. she has a lot of nerve. so because i didn't care she was crying (i know i sound awful but really if you knew her you'd understand) i was kind of wandering around the house not knowing what to do with myself because i don't feel empathy but i know i should react a certain way? just a really uncomfortable situation

so i left my house and went up to the house i'm being paid to watch. i found the front door open and the basement door open. the doggo was fine but i was really creeped out. last year when i watched this house i actually stayed at the residence, so i can't help but wonder what would have happened if i had been there when they broke in? these doors were locked last night i checked all of them, the people that came in didn't take anything but they definitely are scoping the house and most certainly coming back later to rob it thinking no one is watching the house. i locked it down as best as i could i bolted the doors and the basement door and zip-tied a side door to the basement. i just hope i don't get caught up in the middle any more than i already am. i should be worried but i'm emotionally stunted i guess

[Osborn]

this is an edit since i can’t double post.

goodness, things are so hard.
my best friend/ex went through my phone and saw texts that weren’t meant for her eyes.
what am i supposed to say? i feel like a fake person.
it’s not my fault she’s rude so i would rather hang out with her brother and his friend!
my life is rough; and it’s not even just that.
i feel bad for complaining about that when other people have it worse. i’ll rant about something else now.
i wish i was well. i’m so sick. awfully sick. i hate it so much.
in and out of doctors constantly. medication doesn’t seem to work. no one can relate!
i’m so young, it’s terrible. today i finally felt well enough to let go and spend the entire day outside. and then i get guilt tripped for it! i don’t get that often. my legs are aching now, but i don’t regret it. i feel so good to be going outside.
but i’m still in an endless loop of pain. i wish i could get better. so many health conditions, it makes my head spin. and mentally i can’t tell if i’m equal or worse. i just want to be the way i used to be. the way everyone else is. i love feeling free to be myself and moving my body. but i can’t. i’m trapped indoors while i see everyone else enjoy themselves and go off without me.
no one truly seems to like me. maybe i’d be cooler if i wasn’t so.. ill. weak. exhausted.
at my age, i can’t even do anything. i am beginning to hate life.
i wish things were different. i wish my father was a good person and never left. i wish my friends i do have could change their toxic ways. i wish i had my 3 cats back. but can i? no. i’ll never be okay i don’t think.

sorry for all that. not that anyone will read it. people have better things to do than worry about me. but oh, i hope so badly that things get better. i want a good life again..

[겨울 꽃]

So back into hospital once again.. the nurses ran some blood tests and consistently popped in to make sure I was doing okay. I’ve barely been sleeping and I feel empty and dead.. although they’ve allowed me to go home for the time being to rest (house is literally next door to the hospital).

Just as I was about to go lie down, I remembered I had an award ceremony tomorrow to collect my RSA (Responsible Service of Alcohol) and I had a mini anxiety attack because I can’t attend, which means I won’t be able to receive it. I’m kind of in the dumps right now and feel like breaking down into tears. I probably won’t be able to sleep tonight because I’ll be in hospital and I hate sleeping overnight in the rooms..

Why do I have to be so sick? Why can’t I just live happily and healthily (is that even a word) like everyone else? :c

[Godspeed]

Grrr I feel like UwU'ing

[i<3 wolves678]

oh god I’m so scared
I don’t even know what happened yesterday but I never want it to happen again

I’ve mentioned on this thread in the past of a feeling I often get where nothing feels like it’s actually real and actually there, but last night something was so much worse about it.
It was the same feeling x10 and it couldn’t even feel myself this time, everything I touched felt like nothing at all, my eyes couldn’t focus on one point without my head spinning and what little of myself that still had feeling was numb and tingly. I barely remember anything of last night, I’d been sat in bed, minding my own business drawing and watching videos, and all of a sudden I realized how late it was. I had gotten upstairs pretty late, but it felt like I had only been sat there a couple of minutes when I had been up there at least an hour or so. I realized I couldn’t remember. That’s when everything else started. I couldn’t remember anything and five seconds after I’d do something I’d have to ask someone around me if it was really real and actually just happened. I still feel like I need to find someone and clarify last night was real. The feeling has still carried over a bit, but nowhere near as bad.

From what I do remember doing last night, I probably looked like a stereotypical insane person you see portrayed in horror movies and stuff. I remember being on the floor at one point, making sure to touch every object in the room and muttering that it was real under my breath. I just remember going in circles and running my hands up doors and stuff like that just to try and feel them. I remembered screaming a lot. I don’t know if that even actually happened but I remember screaming a lot.

I’m gonna go to the doctor next week, I don’t know what the hell happened, but this can’t be good.

[Elliwoods!!]

xxxxxxxxSo I have an online friend of mine. We have been friends for nearly a year now but the more said friendship is lasting the more i feel more and more tense talking to them. Its not at all that I dont want to be friends with her, at all. Its the fact im just constantly worried something would snap and our friendship would somehow end.. again. its happened around 3 times now where we thought it was over but somehow we ended up crawling back to each other. Im now just stuck on if I try my hardest to not let it happen again or just let it go, let them go even. I have already been trying my best not to screw up, I try my best constantly to make them happy but apparently my hardest isnt enough since I always seem to end up screwing up something. I dont know if its me or her who is even doing something wrong. Maybe its neither. But what if it is me and I have been failing to see what I have been doing wrong all this time? The relationship is a rollercoaster man, I just dont know. I think I need some support or something on this im just not sure what or even if it would help.

[Light Bringer]

My boyfriend and I often message each other late at night. He's got depression and I'm usually there at night to support him emotionally but then if I fall asleep I see that he's sending me messages and getting worked up when I don't instantly respond to them. I don't know what to do. I can't keep feeling guilty to fall asleep because that just adds to the list of reasons that I'm unable to sleep. I've tried talking to him about it but I don't think he gets how much it hurts me.

(Please ignore any typos, it's 2.30am)

[FNAF]

and i thought i was getting better.