TheComfortCorner | V.10

[DachasaurusZen]

kinda sad that i havent been super interested in cs recently. i know exactly why, (i hyperfixate on figure skating every once in a while, and i watched the olympics so i got caught up in it) but i miss it :c

[Paprikat]

i stopped being interested in chicken smoothie in january 2024 when i met some online friends.
and as of last night, those friends are gone. E and S. my heart feels like it's being ripped out of my chest. losing them is a pain i cannot bear. over 2 years of talking every day, laughing, spending hours together, only for it to end with me blocking E and breaking up with S (we were in a queer platonic relationship)
i knew it was coming, i know they became toxic, i know S was never going to be on my side. i know E is immature. but it hurts so so much. i've cried so much last night and today. now when i go to talk to them i can't. it's over. they're gone. i was in such a dark place in 2024, at my lowest ever, and they were with me through everything. i don't even know how to begin to process this grief.
apparently one of the reasons we couldn't be best friends anymore is because i've been too 'moody' lately. i'm tired from school so i'm not as energetic so yeah, guess i deserve to lose my best friends!!
so i got broken up with my queer platonic bf (S) in front of E. They said they didn't hate or love me, they felt nothing. All because i stand up for myself. All because i don't like being treated badly. they said they still wanted to be friends, but not close. it was my choice to end the friendship. they had treated me so badly, and were now telling me i'd been demoted from best friend to distant friend for being too moody? I feel like i push everyone away. I've lost so many friends. I know i'm not the problem, i know i've done my best, i know they've been so toxic, my other friends know it, my family knows it but i can't help thinking that since i've lost so many friends, it makes most sense that i'm the problem.
And now i just can't deal with this. Everything is over. I knew it was coming, i didn't expect it to be over over though. i thought maybe we'd drift apart. Idk.
I haven't vented here in so long because i had a place to vent when i was friends with them, in a different online space. but i've had to leave that space as of yesterday. If i told 2024 me that i'd lose these two people, I'd just laugh. These were my forever friends. We were going to be FOREVER. I don't even know what to do with this pain and grief, it's like i can't even process it. I can't believe it's over. I hate them so so much but i don't and i hate myself but i don't too. It's so confusing and i hate it. It reminds me of 2024 when i lost all irl friends, which is the whole reason i made these friends. I feel like everyone is destined to leave, no matter how hard i try to be nice and supportive and do my best everyone leaves. I was told to be myself, but that's not good enough. I don't even know where to go anymore. i have friends, but these were like. my best friends. It's a pain that i don't know how to deal with.
S sees E as a little sister. So even when he could see that she was hurting me, he said he'd never be angry at her, because he 'related to her'. He could see how awful she was, but he chose her, because i guess there's always a duo in a trio, and i'm NEVER IN THE DUO. I just want people who will stay. I want to go to bed knowing my friends will be there when i wake up, that they won't just turn on me.

I have so much homework, i can't afford to fall behind, but i've been doomscrolling and bedrotting all day. in 2024 when i lost my irl friends, i bedrotted for months on end. I can't do that again. i have a life that i need to live but i can't imagine them not being in it.

it's over, isn't it? :(

[67Phlox]

there will be no complaints as long as i wake up early
sorry won't be enough, as i've done this time and time again
just an embarassment, gripping onto shreds of possible joy

[Lexadaisy]

I'm so uncertain about the future. I want so badly for us to be able to buy a house but I don't know if that'll ever be possible even if we get better jobs. One thing I do know is that I don't want this house anymore. It's a cluttered mess that we'll have to end up cleaning once my partner's father passes away, but at least when that time comes we can (hopefully) go home to our own house and get away from it for a while.

That's another thing. The mess, the clutter... stuff that nobody uses or will ever use. He wants to keep and save anything that looks remotely useful, only for nobody to touch it ever again. I hate it and want to just throw everything in the trash. We do not need all of this stuff and it's honestly a hazard to keep it around. The basement is completely hoarded and we know good and well that we'll need to hire a service to remove everything and take it to a dump because there's no way we'd be able to alone. That's how bad it is.

I will say I am grateful to be out of a dangerous city, but I'm not quite where I want to be yet and it's gnawing at me. I want my partner and I to have our own space, decorate how we want and not have to worry about anyone else getting in the way. If that makes me sound like a bad person so be it, I'm just exhausted and visual chaos is detrimental to my mental health.

[ravemn]

my night has gone from 100 to 0 really freaking fast. I hate my grandma I really do. I wish I knew what it was like to have a grandma who cared about me like everyone else around me seems to have. She is my biggest bully I wish I could just leave but I can't.

[sinensys]

keep shooting myself in the foot for literally no reason!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰
you'd think i'd do something about it by now, but nope !

everything is under control (im delusional, but not delusional enough to actually make the change i probably should be making rn)

i am so good at this

[Paprikat]

my brain hasn't processed that they are gone forever. like, i know they are, but my mindset still hasn't. we ended our friendship on Saturday night, but i keep imagining what it'll be like when we make up again, and when this blows over. but this is forever. this is the end of our friendship.

[space outlaw]

I feel like i'm absolutely awful at making friends and keeping conversations going, it genuinely makes me so sad. especially keeping in contact, they never last very long before we stop talking and i always feel like i've done something to drive them all away when i think everything is going well

[^RukaDog^]

God forbid a girl wants a new phone.
My mum crashed out at me when I asked her if I could upgrade my 10 year old phone (with my own money btw) and she just started screaming at me about my educational abilities when she knows I have adhd and I really struggle with school. Apparently I need to do better before I get a new phone. I’m trying my hardest btw. She’s playing the victim now, gosh I’m struggling so much already (being bullied, hating my class, family drama) and I’m finding it so hard to have a good relationship with her. Which sucks because she’s the only family member in my immediate family that I like

[fern.]

i am soooo nervous i'm not sure if i'm going to be able to sleep tonight
tomorrow, everything changes. i'll be one step closer to bringing my babies home, if everything goes well with the home visit tomorrow. i've been cleaning all week, the house looks amazing and so cozy, but i'm still so nervous and scared about something going wrong and not being able to bring the boys home. they are our cats, for sure, and they know it, but i'm still trying to hold back all of the love in my heart for them until i know for sure whether or not they will be joining our family. i'm going to go see them after the home visit, i miss them soo much my heart hurts! it hasn't even been a week but i've missed them every second. i can't wait to spoil them, we have a shopping list a mile long but we've been holding off until after we know for sure that we're approved. hopefully i will know for sure by tomorrow. this is such a huge thing, i can't believe i'm going to be taking this huge step into being a cat dad. i've had cats at my parents house but these will be my first cats as an adult. like, i'm really going to be responsible for the cutest little guys in the world and they deserve everything and it's my job to give it to them. it's so exciting i feel like i'm going to burst. trying to tell myself it's just excitement and not anxiety ~
edit - we got approved to adopt the babies!!! i am so happy i could cry. i cant wait to spoil them absolutely ROTTEN!! i visited them today and they curled up togetherrrr they are the sweetest brothers