TheComfortCorner | V.8

[rat pack]

I had a complete mental breakdown on Friday night. I ended up breaking the top part of my door frame so y'know, fun. I wrote a letter to my mom explaining how I needed help. I can't tell people personal things face to face, it's the most difficult thing for me to do. It all started when my mom confronted me about my grades. I'm failing a majority of my classes, and I haven't been doing the greatest this year. It just frustrates me because she doesn't try to help, she just yells and screams at me calling me 'lazy' and 'irresponsible'. I honestly can't help it most of the time. I can't control that I have no motivation and that I can barely get out of bed most days. It's not my choice to be constantly fatigued, because trust me, if it was my choice I would've made it go away a while ago. Everyday I battle my own thoughts and my own mind, it's always a battle about whether or not I'm good enough. It usually ends in me thinking badly of myself and giving up before even starting a task. I'm not lazy, I'm just depressed. People don't understand that when you're depressed, you exhaust yourself with constant thoughts, never ending arguments within your own head. It makes us sound crazy, and that's what people think I am. I was so reluctant to ever get mental help because I was terrified of the stereotypes that go along with therapy and a mental illness. I was scared that people would look at me as 'crazy' or 'unpredictable'. I've heard the people at my school talk about others and their disabilities, things that they can't help. It makes me so sad, it's not our fault that we were born with something that we can't control, and that you were so lucky to have nothing wrong with you. Oops, this is a very long rant. I don't even remember the point I was trying to make when I started writing this. Oh well, here's a novel.

Is it normal with depression to not be able to go to sleep? I take melatonin which is supposed to help with sleep, but I can't ever get to bed at a decent hour. I just toss and turn throughout the night. I'm always too hot or too cold, and can't get comfortable. I get night terrors and anxiety attacks in the middle of the night. I don't know if these are connected? I hope they are in some way, I don't want to have a bunch of major things wrong with me. U g h, I'm jealous of people that are actually happy with their lives and have never been in the deepest hole of their lives. It's like being stuck in a corner with all of your worst fears constantly coming closer until you break and everyday this cycle repeats itself. Holy heck, this really is getting long. I'm pouring all of the thoughts I've had over the past week onto a single post, oops. Is it normal to listen to sad music, and feel less sad after listening to it? I don't know, I've just seen that as a pattern recently. I'm drawn to this sad music with depressing lyrics and somehow it makes me feel better in the end, until it doesn't, and I have to find something else to make it okay.

Anywho, I'm done with this rant. Bye- x

[kiwikweenie]

im alright!!

[haadez_]

i think i'm going to break up with my bf...

[slushy puppy]

I've just been in a mood recently, I don't know. I'm unmotivated to do anything. : /
my grandfather had a heart attack yesterday. He's in really bad condition. I don't want to say much but I hope he gets better...

[jellybutter]

i'm sorry marble, but you're an idiot. what makes you think you can trust a person you only met 4 months ago over me, a person you've known for 7 years? yes, i know the email was terrible but i made you a card, i apologized with another email twice the size of that one too. i say this for the 100th time, but i 101% support your decision to be vegitarian, and i really don't give a crap about what you eat and it doesn't matter to me. how can you say i don't approve of your choice then? i personally don't believe in veganism/vegitarianism, and when my blood was really boiling about you, when you were acting like you didn't know what bacon looked like anymore (even though you had been vegitarian for literally 3 months) i told poison how i felt about it during p.e. i had asked her thoughts on it earlier in the year and she said she didn't support vegitarism either, but for the record marble, that doesn't mean i don't support you. and i told poison about it, and she agreed, showing more examples about it than i did. for the past few days, marble had seemed a little short with me, and i wondered if i had done something wrong. in our small break we get between classes, i asked her and she said, "poison told me that you were talking about me behind my back." oh, so now expressing my opinions is considered talking behind someone's back? i never mentioned marble in the conversation. geez, things just keep getting worse and worse. in december, 2016, i sent marble the email filled with things i didn't like about her. and i regret that to this day- but you wanna know when she forgave me? september of 2017. i finally mended our bond and poison swoops in and steals it again. you know, i have a bank of trust- and i only have so much to deposit into a person. when they break it, its like a robbery. i know the criminal but there's nothing you can do to get the stolen items back after it's done. i give out my trust like candy at this point. this is what happens when i blindly decide i can trust somebody, literally all of those people have broken it.

marble and poison are both nicknames btw, kind of like a disclaimer

[Spearow]

Really frustrated. Before I say anything, let me make it clear it has nothing to do Chicken Smoothie. Nothing to do with my account on here period. ^^

Let's call these other two games I play A and B.

On game A there is someone continuously hacking me on my Xbox. They went as far as to get into my direct messages, got to my s/o's skype, and sent me a message with a link trying to get access to my microsoft account again. They they hacked my families netflix that I had signed in on my console. And every day at different times they hit my account offline. Best part is I have no idea who it is, and have no enemies, and only a handful of people on my friends list. So either someone really likes me or really hates me.

So, to avoid manually changing my IP every time I get hit offline, I wanted to set up a VPN. But if you access game B via a VPN the IP gets banned. So, I'm getting really frustrated that I can't do what would keep people from accessing my IP because of game B. I guess VPN access is not allowed on game B because people use them to get around IP bans. idk, just wish this stalker would chill out, its really annoying ~_~ Not going to call my ISP every time I get DDOS.

[fika.]

hello everyone,

i'm sorry i haven't been posting on here. over the past few days i have decided i won't be as active on chickensmoothie anymore, maybe once a month. here are my links for one last time:

if you ever feel down or need a shoulder to cry on, my inbox is open. i have gathered links to help everyone when they need a distraction or are feeling low:

to help you smile:
list of little things - list of little things to help make you smile and be happy
cutest - cutest tumblr to help with your self esteem
smile things - cute colours and tumblr page to help you out
adorable - basically another tumblr that does the same as the ones above

to help you with anything else / distractions:
emergency compliments - if you ever feel poo, and nothing seems to cheer you up, this site is full of 'emergency compliments' which can make you laugh at how ridiculously brilliant they are.
automatic flatterer - you know what's cute about this? you put in your name, nickname, whatever (it doesn't save it) and it pays you compliment after compliment after compliment. it's the cutest idea ever.
the dawn room - do what it says. after doing that, loads of encouraging messages will come your way!
hugs - hugs is all i have to say.
thunderstorms - control them!<3
beautiful places - if you're looking for a sign, this is it. set a goal to visit one of these places. don't change that goal. you won't regret it.
how to change your life - just read it. it's amazing. too good.
player two - if you're feeling hurt or upset, visit here. it's a game. it's good.
koalas - if you're in need of a distraction that lasts a good five minutes, play this. it's fun, and if you love koalas it's even better!
stick man game - good distraction with a hopefuly message i made at the end!
just say yes - this blog was made by zoella and good for anyone who suffer with anxiety disorder, have panic attacks, depression, have social anxiety or are just a very negative or shy person this may be good for you!
random acts of kindness (video) - may make you feel all warm and gooey at how kind people are
list of things for those having a bad day!
more bad day remedies - is similar to the one above
how to love yourself - if you struggle with self esteem, pleasep lease read <3
quiet room - one of my favourite places <3
comfort box - i highly recommend looking at this because it's the most amazing idea i've ever seen
ground box - similar to the one above

to help you with panic attacks:
i have loads of things that can help with your anxiety and panic attacks.

facts !!!!:
what not to say !!! - to someone who is having a panic attack, do not say these things
facts- if you're confused about a few things

i've also made a tumblr! you can message me anonomysouly on there for advice if you don't want to post here. i also will start reblogging things (nothing triggering or sad !) so if you ever need someone, you can go to me on there! http://happinesscomeswithnoregrets.tumblr.com/

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if you ever need to chat, my discord is always available and you are not a burden if you ever message me. good luck in the future everyone <3 fika.#3050

[middle child]

i just dont get it. why are you blocking us out? we're your friends. you can tell us anything. you didnt have to do it. you shouldve allowed yourself to receive the help you need. we couldve helped you. we couldve done something, if only you wouldve let us. & now, you couldnt help but blame us for suddenly abandoning you, leaving you to crumble?

i love you. i dont know who & what i'd be without a friend like you. please. why cant you hear us out?

[onion]

theres nothing worse than that. i hated that.

[cornspurrd.]

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