TheComfortCorner | V.8

[Rose Gold <3]

Don't you hate when your having a good day & in a good mood but then you suddenly get hit by a wave of sadness so you're just like uhm what happened ????

[demonias]

i really miss my ex-boyfriend.

(oof, i know, i know. we had a good relationship and had to break up bc he's focusing on school and college. we ended on good terms as well.)

i have spent half of summer vacation crying over him because i miss him terribly. he was my first for a lot of things, and perfect for me in about every way.

i haven't texted him in a month because i know he'd be busy at summer school and i didn't want to be a nuisance. but, his last day of summer school is next friday.. he told me he wouldn't see me in august, but there's a chance, and i have nothing to lose.

maybe i'll text him next saturday. i doubt he'll respond, and if he does, it might not be a positive interaction, but i'm tired of being sad all the time thinking about him, even after a month.

(pms are welcome)

[ghostface.]

i have no idea why or where this numbness came from.
it's not debilitating like it once was but it's overwhelmingly sad.
the anxiety is wretched and i can't stop turning things
over in my head.

[serik]

I wish I was liked
Am I too annoying?

[kishu.]

i'm a horrible friend, i really am. every single day, my friend has to be
putting up with what i vent to her and everything and it happens
almost every single day now. i hate this. so hate this so much. if i just
leave her, things will be so much better because i won't be blocking
her way.. i won't be blocking her way, or anything. i break her
promises. this friendship.. this freaking friendship. it's been affecting
me so much. i've been acting so clingy, so weird, so damn insane..
i hate it. i don't know how to cope with it, but taking a break from her
will be the only best option, as it was suggested from her. i keep on
putting myself down so much, i really do. and i still well because i
believe to be so much of what i put down. i'm a horrible friend, i
break people's promises, i'm so clingy, i'm becoming irrational to
everybody, i fake my emotions to my parents, i'm sick of it. i feel
like she's loosing so much interest in me, she's becoming sick and tired
of me, but she won't tell me. she has so much patience on me, and why?
why does she have this much patience on me? i'm a person that doesn't
deserve to have that much patience on because.. look at me. i'm in a
situation where i'm clinging into the rear end of a cliff. i'm the worst.
i really am. i'll be better off with having nobody. nobody by my side
because i am literally the most obnoxious, greediest, clingiest, and
ill-mannered person that anyone has ever met. she'll be so happy
without me, i know it. i know that she will. i wish i never existed.
i really wish i never did. because i cause so many problems, just
by staring into my profile and seeing this long post will give you bad
impressions on me. i'm not meant for this world. i don't deserve
anyone's kindness. i don't deserve anyone at all. because all i do
is become extremely attached to them, and then i just become clingy
over them, i get stressed out, worry, ask for something that i'll probably
won't do in exchange. my friend doesn't even deserve to be my friend after
a year of helping her. i don't deserve her. i made things so much worse by
just venting to her. a lot worse. maybe it's best for me to be here, drowning
in my own tears that i've shed. those tears that i never wipe and they just
create a flood every time they drip into something. i'm not worth it, i really
am not.

[Sunflower Skies]

There’s something really weird going on and I don’t really understand it. A lot of big stuff has been happening lately, but I feel like it doesn’t affect me as much as it should.
I’m going to a new school in a few weeks, but I’m not excited or scared for some reason.
We got a puppy a few months ago, but I felt like I was pretending to be really happy because my parents wanted all of us to be happy and normal for once.
We went to Disney world last year, and I’m going again to march on Main Street for my band, which is awesome. But it seems pretty distant, and whenever I do exciting stuff it’s a bit better than normal for a few minutes, like a high, then I just drop again.
One of my friends died last month in a freak accident. My parents cried about it more than I did- they hadn’t even met the kid.
I guess it all started when a big family thing happened and I’ve vented about that before here, but I feel like I’m older than I should be. Like I’ve seen too much. I’m too young to think like that, and everyone says childhood should be carefree. I just don’t understand.
I just wish I could be happy for my mom. I feel like there is a constant weight on my chest, and nothing really seems to lift it. Even when I’m having fun. I can’t remember when I last was lighter than now. I guess I’ve just always been abnormal and weird. I’m not complaining, I have amazing, beautiful friends. Even with my friends though, it’s pretty painstakingly obvious that I act a lot older than I should. I talk like I’ve seen the worst of the world, and I always have a sharp lump in the back of my throat. I can’t stop subconsciously thinking about everything.
I learned from an extremely young age how to mentally file away things, like the fancy Manilla envelopes my mom used at work, so that I could focus on a lot and not get it confused. Or to put it away for later. I learned how to read tons of books simultaneously by the age of eight or nine because of this, but since then there has been a specific envelope that i fill almost every day, and rarely take anything out of. My grief, anger, and guilt folder.
I know it’s stupid to envision it like this,but it makes sense.
I keep filling it up and up and up and everyday I add more and more stress to the already haphazard seems and creases in the folder, and I’m really scared whenever it breaks. I just have a meltdown. It hasn’t happened often.
There are some things that help. Reading books makes me not me anymore, and therefor in a better mindset. Listening to music shows me the vocalist and choreographer’s mindset, therefor pulling me away from mine. Sometimes I’m mean too, to take out anger on at least something, but I always feel much worse afterwards. I hate when I do that.
I’ve started seeing a therapist, and i hope they’ll understand.
I hope I’m not just a number.
No one ever wanted to be a number but no one ever had a choice either.
I hope I can really start hoping again.

Sorry for my random rant that skipped around and flopped so much, and I appreciate anyone who actually payed attention to me for once. Even typing this out is making me feel better.
god, I’m so weak. Needing someone to do the most menial things.

[Starwood in Aspen]

My parents are bringing our barn cat hids to the vet to be put to sleep. And i had to say goodbye in the car. Because someone is coming to buy some ducks. I hope everything goes smoothly and Hids isn't in pain anymore.. that's what matters in the end.... We're going to bury him in the little pet cemetery that we have around the flower bed/rock garden... It's so hard loosing them... he. Was the best kitty.. always loved bonfires. He would smell the smoke and just appear. Looking for a lap to sit on.... Someone abandoned him at our farm when he was younger and he was really sick. First my mom tried to chase him away but when she found out he wasn't going anywhere. She was trying to make him better. That was 11 years ago maybe more. He would always purr. I'm going to miss his raspy squeaky. Constant purring so much...

[Mooshidog]

she was 10-20 minutes away and I didn't know.

I want to see her- but I know I can't anytime soon.

She's gonna be 45 minutes away from me next week. But I know I can't make it.

I want to hug her :c

[melouka]

something just feels off.
i’ve started dating someone who has liked me for quite a while and is close friends with my ex boyfriend, who broke up with me over a year ago. at first him and his friends were angry with me and upset but they’re being a bit kinder now a month down the line.
the guy himself is so good to me and cares about me so much. we’ve met up a lot and he makes me feel safe and happy when i’m with him, but i think he feels stronger about me than i do. he keeps trying to move things forward, and said to my friend he wanted to tell me he loves me. if we end up dating, i’d feel so guilty that i don’t feel as strongly about him as he does about me, but i fancy him, so letting him go would just hurt both of us.

ugh i feel like i’m being so selfish

[TrashGoblinQueen]

I've rewritten this three times so I'm just gonna put it all down:
Someone I'm really close too has just been diagnosed with appendicitis, and will be undergoing surgery in less than an hour.
Someone else I'm equally close too just found out their elderly cat needs to be put down very soon.
On top of all of this, a birthday celebration dinner is taking place in a few hours, and now that the two people I just mentioned (who were originally a big part of planning and hosting the dinner) are incapacitated, we're having to have the dinner at my house instead of the location it was originally going to be at (the much larger house belonging to the person with appendicitis), with dinner that was originally going to be made by those to people now most likely being replaced by drive-thru.
Fun.