TheComfortCorner | V.10

[nobxdy]

sighh i came back from my vacation earlier (sunday afternoon) and honestly? i thought i was going to have a better time down there than i did, but it was nice getting away from everything for a little while. it helped me clear my head a bit.

however, as i was staying down there and trying to relax, one of my irl friends literally texted me and asked for money out of nowhere and that put a bad taste in my mouth. i have offered to help out when they need it, they just had a kid so i said anything they need they can always ask, but they knew i was on vacation and needing to use my money elsewhere. and then asked if i could get them something while i was down there. i did get them something, they're my best friend, but i had to reiterate that i was on vacation and can't just shell out money right now. just-??

anyway, i feel like it's wrong of me to feel this way after i told them that i don't mind helping out when they need it. if it was any other time i would've gladly done that for them, i've practically been supporting them since they got their house/had their kid, and they always tell me they appreciate me. but in a way i don't feel appreciated. i feel used. this isn't the only time they've randomly asked me for money like this (as well as going an entire week without talking to me before asking), so in a way i feel like they only view me as some kind of money machine. when we're all hanging out sometimes the subject would get brought up and they'd laugh about it, and i'd laugh with them but deep down i just feel like garbage. they're not helping me out with bills/food but if they were i wouldn't be joking about how much they just spent on me.

idk. maybe it's just me.

[pisto pesto pasta]

i want out of this friendship

every my interaction with them has turned sour and uncomfortable

i... i dont want this anymore...

[67Phlox]

crawling back here once more. this may be a bad habit at this point
small print bc of negativity

i feel so ashamed of myself every time i interact with somebody i barely know, though i suppose i deserve it. i always did deserve it with how annoying i was to deal with. i figure everyone is being kind out of pity and barely tolerating my presence. nobody would be if they knew how much of a waste i am

need to find a different place to intern at
just like i expected - the place i had been messaging for almost half a year rejected me once again. my fault, again

[SolarFlare020822]

why am i like this? why can't i just be better.

[SolarFlare020822]

i messed up, and nnow hhe hattes mme. i hhate myysellf

[GalaxiesAway]

My mom passed away earlier this afternoon. Now I’m sitting on the couch cuddled up under a blanket with my little dog watching a marathon of The Librarians in an attempt to not think. I’m signing off after I post this and I don’t know when I’ll be active again. I just need time.

[♥ mizu]

we were taking photos for photography class and i aimed my phone at the bright exit sign and i think i might've damaged the lens sensors... :( now when i aim it in the bright light of like a lamp/ceiling light i get these weird vertical lines that move horizontally too. i'm so freaking sad, genuinely. i feel so incredibly guilty because i just got this phone. i want to take it to the phone guy to see what he can do but how do i tell my dad this? the day was extremely cloudy so i couldn't tell if it's going to affect my photos with normal sunny lighting. but regardless i don't want this on my phone camera. i feel SO bad. i feel soooooooooo bad. i've not felt this bad in a long time. i feel so stupid and awful and terrible. google and my teacher both tell me that an led light couldn't damage it but in my heart i think it is. i didn't even focus it for too long. it was genuinely just a few seconds. i've aimed this thing at the sun before but this is what does it? i'm going to cry. i was so happy and proud of my phone. i might still have the warranty on the thing too. i think im going to go tell my dad now. but i still feel so guilty. he needs to know though. i'll tell you guys how it goes. :( i have such a deep, heavy feeling in my chest. but i NEED to tell dad, that's all that will help me. im not in a good place right now and it's not good for me to feel like this for a prolonged period lest my bad habits come back. i was feeling so much better and now this.

update i went to try and talk to him and he's still on the phone with his friend and got kind of mad at me for interrupting but he doesnt want to talk rn. i would call my sister for her advice but she sleeps at 10 and it's 10:31 i feel so freaking guilty oh my god im going to cry

update: dad had no idea what i was talking about and just got confused frustrated and angry then told me to shut up lol it got very heated and i feel even worse but im praying so hard the lens is ok cause it's not doing it in every light

[gamer]

This isn't normal.

[miissingyou]

everyone abandoned me and accused me of fishing for attention because of stuff i cant say here. im so alone. everyone hates me because i struggle with mental health. i ruined everything

[kotak]

birthdays are complicated and I’m struggling to keep my composure. I don’t want today to be gloomy but it’s like it’s coded into me

edit: haha it pretty much only got worse i feel so unimportant and miserable i know i have no reason to but i’m actually suffering
technically everything worked out
but i feel so empty
looking forward to something and then having it go this way and then having to return to my normal scheduled programming with no solace in sight tomorrow is actually killing me rn