Short Story Competition - CLOSED

[Mischief Smoothie]

dang it, too late to enter... Oh well, I'd love to see who the winners are. Such great stories <3

What are you talking about? You can enter until April 13th.

[Mischief Smoothie]

Username: montyboy101
Title: The Power
Story (skip a space and then write):

I gasped for breath, and gripped on my poles. Snow piled onto my skies and I was pulled along. I shifted my sore bum on the small seat, and watched a little kid fall on his side. pain shot through my side as well, and then stopped as the kid got up, with help from his mum. I let go of the poma, and skied to the side...

The story was interesting, but I found that you often don't capitalize a sentence and the subject of your paragraphs and sentences is often confusing. I see that it's a work in progress, but there are lots of grammatical and spelling errors. Also, I find it hard to read things that are centered.

[Mischief Smoothie]

Username:lolo432
Title:
Story:

I sat in the cold, dark room. There was not a sound except for my rasping, painful breaths. He kept playing with me; he was a monster. Every time he came, he left me half-dead,suffering, hurting, dying. I tried to move onto my side but pain flared through my body. I howled in pain and anger. I had let my pack down, the only family and friends I had ever known. Why am I so useless?

"Mutt! It's time to play!" a mocking and horribly familiar voice sang. My heart started to pound. I was frozen with fear. The door to the cell creaked open and then right there, was the monstrous human I had learned to hate. The equal of the devil himself. He casually strolled in, holding a metal cane.
"Put me out of my misery!" I pleadingly howled.
"Now, what would be the fun in that?" he snarled.

He came closer and closer. Every step he took I lost more and more hope. I screwed my eyes shut, knowing what was coming next. He raised his cane and simply said "Let's begin, shall we?"

~End

This is an extremely engaging story; you seem to have great vocabulary (that you use well) and there are very few if any grammatical errors. The beginning is just as suspenseful as the ending. It's really dark, but it hits home. Great job :)

[Mischief Smoothie]

Username:
Tawk

Title:
The missing piece

Story:
The thirst for success and admiration grew stronger with the years, and for every one of those years we also grow weaker. Longing for what we don't have, regretting what we should be the proudest of. Is there nothing that can please you? Will there never be a time where you can say 'I have had enough'? Will you ever be able to fill up that gaping hole in your mind and heart? The best way to predict the future is to create it, and now you have the chance. You have the opportunity to be exactly what you always wanted, so why throw it away? Succeed while you can, feed from your success. And then, you can finally feel complete.

Well... you're the second person to center their writing... But I'm going to do my best to NOT judge you for that. Just like you won't judge me for using ellipses too much... right? This doesn't seem like a true short story because I can't discern who or what the main character is. It's extremely engaging and your grammar is pristine. I could see this as more of maybe an extended proverb? It's good but not what I'm looking for.

[Mischief Smoothie]

You said we could enter more than once so here's my second entry.

Username: Roselynn124
Title: The Difference Between Our Enemies and Those We Love
Story:

Our enemies are the ones we know are after us, the ones who will face us head on, but it’s the ones we care about, our loved ones, the ones we trust the most who will stab us in the back. It took me along time to realize how true this was, but I see it now. We often idolize our families, refuse to see anything wrong with them, at least until we see it for ourselves.

I tried to do what I was told, but it became too much. The lies, the treachery, I could not bare them anymore. I had to run from it, I could not become a monster for him. So, I ran, but I started to feel guilt. Guilt for what? It wasn’t for leaving my father, no it was for those whose lives he was about to end, those whose would die because I was too much of a coward to face my father. I could not let innocents be killed because of my cowardice, I had to do something. And so, my father soon learned that the difference between those we love and our enemies is that our enemies will face us head on, while it’s those we love and trust the most who will stab us in the back.

This is very engaging and extremely readable. You used a common subject and it hit home right away; the audience (me in this case) can relate to the story right off the bat. I'm very interested to read more! If this ever becomes a novel, I'll be running to the bookstore.

[Alpha*]

Username:
Alpha*
Title:
Untitled
Story (skip a space and then write)(1000 words?): (please note I am Writing this AS A REAL NOVEL to be Published, this is only the beginning...)

High above the clouds a glass city glimmers weakly in sparce moonligh, a celestial being looks up with pale green eyes which lock on nothing in particular but in their endless depths a hint of sadness shows. The man's body language is oddly placid, docile and yet oddly wary almost as if he is being hunted...ready to fight or flee in a moment.Any onlooker could spot the grave he kneels over-searching for ablution, the wicked gold sceptor in his left hand-knuckles pressed into the loosly packed soil and the crimson blood drip, drip, dripping into the roots of a lavender plant from a hole in his chest cavity. "Help me.." he whispers although no-one is there, well no-one but the dead..vigilantly that figure waits for something, death perhaps, or rather someone..

How soon would the Reaper come for him smiling cruely from a lipless, fleshless face, burning eyes staring from hollow depths into his soul? How soon would would bony fingers becon, growing ever harder to resist? And he, he would have no choice but to obey the silent orders, do as he is bid.

A twig snaps and then another. "Sereph? Sereph? Where are you?" quietly a voice calls. Someone steps forward from the deep shadows with a bright smile, "There you are Sereph!"

"Have you come to kill me, aid me, o join me?" the man asks with fear, and anger in his eyes, but with a voice of releif.A smile plays at his pain pursed lips.

"Is that any way to greet a Goddess Tarn?" asks the woman as she smiles teasingly and blows a kiss in responce.

"Come now Mia now is not the time for your silly jokes, your silly games." Growls Tarn through clenched teeth, he rustles the silvery wings on his back and a few silver feathers fall into the dust.

"Of course not you silly boy, but isnt that why i do it? hmm?" the self-proclaimed godess Mia murmmers demurly. "Tarn, my Sereph where are You going?" she smiles again, but this time flirtingly.

"Mia." the boy growls with a cocked eyebrow. "Do you have it? What i failed to obtain?" his eyes are locked on the fair eyed girl.

Mia smirks, unnable to help herself."Do you think i am air headed?" she grumps quietly a pout on her full lips, but soon a smile once again replaces that pout.

Tarn shakes his head quickly, painfully. "Oh no my lady, simply a reminder. " he kisses her palm, her wrist, and finally her fingertips, though not once do his eyes leave her face.

"Well in that case..." Mia says brightly "I did bring it...what are you going to do for it?" she teases waving a gray cloth bag above her head.

"Mia.." groans Tarn, "I don't have time for this. I have to go.." he complains. "Please?"

"Oh fine then, have it, kill my fun why dont you?" the odd creature huffs. "You owe me."

"I dont kill ALL of your fun my demoness, just some of it." replies Tarn as he takes the bag, "My graditude, i will return for you."

"Go now you silly creature before i change my ever-changing mind." Mia warns, "And take these monstrosities with you." As the lovely female cocks an eyebrow and looks toward the north the hell-hounds begin to bay.

"Farewell." whispers Tarn as a ceribrus raises her three heads and three howls ring out.

"Go you fool, you've been discouvered!" hisses Mia when Tarn shivers from a chill creaping up his spine, this wasnt the first time he had heard those hunters of the Syde cry out...but it was the first time thir cries were for Him. Mia dissapears in a puff of gold smoke and the smell of lillies. The creature takes off running in the moment of silence...and then, then the wolves decend...




(i'd like to have constructive critisism please. i'm not here really for the prizes, Just to get Myself some people who are willing to tell me 'how it is'...'rentals and bffs dont..not really. thanks)

[Mischief Smoothie]

Username:
Alpha*
Title:
Untitled
Story (skip a space and then write)(1000 words?): (please note I am Writing this AS A REAL NOVEL to be Published, this is only the beginning...)

High above the clouds a glass city glimmers weakly in sparce moonlight, a celestial being looks up with pale green eyes which lock on nothing in particular but in their endless depths a hint of sadness shows. The man's body language is oddly placid, docile and yet oddly wary almost as if he is being hunted...ready to fight or flee in a moment. Any onlooker could spot the grave he kneels over-searching for ablution, the wicked gold sceptor in his left hand-knuckles pressed into the loosly packed soil and the crimson blood drip, drip, dripping into the roots of a lavender plant from a hole in his chest cavity. "Help me.." he whispers although no-one is there, well no-one but the dead...

(i'd like to have constructive critisism please. i'm not here really for the prizes, Just to get Myself some people who are willing to tell me 'how it is'...'rentals and bffs dont..not really. :D thanks)

I will do my best to give constructive criticism; the 1000 words thing was for someone that wanted a word limit... I don't really care about the number of words. After a quick read-through, I found a number of typos and/or other grammatical mistakes. This is stuff that would be fixed while editing the story if you were to publish it. You use your vocabulary arsenal effectively in order to create vivid imagery, which is very good. The story is interesting, but your frequent spelling errors make it cumbersome to read. Some of the sentences in the first paragraph were very cumbersome to read.

Here is the revised version of what you wrote.

[Narwhals.]

Username:
Title:
Story (skip a space and then write): Wip

[Alpha*]

(thanks)

[Mischief Smoothie]

(thanks)

No problem :)