I'm about to go on a rant. You don't need to read it, I'm just venting here since it's horse related.
I'm getting no where with my riding. I can't. It's not like there are challenging horses at the barn. The only one that could maybe teach me something now, I don't want to ride her. I've seen her being ridden, and my confidence kind of shatters. I even had the chance to ride her last Thursday. I've never been scared to ride a new horse. I was kind of happy though, my instructor thinks I'm good enough for her. She's an abused horse that my instructor rescued, and she only listens if she likes you. Right now, Apache is the only one that may just help me, because she's helping my better seat. Arthur could help me, but this one girl, she's my friend, but she makes me mad, always rides him, always. Everything I do, and take joy in, she does too. And whenever I do something, she does it too, and when she talks, she acts like she knows it all. I keep quiet though, even though she doesn't know what she's talking about. I feel so bad for doing this, but she knows nothing about horses. Arthur was pulling his head down on her, she looks at me and says; it's called 'fishing' or something. I just nodded and walked Bam Bam away. I'm not stupid. I've been reading everything horse related since I was six, steadily, I started riding at another barn when I was nine or so. She owns her own saddle now, rides twice a week. Seriously? I don't even have my own helmet. And I just spent my own hundred and ten dollars on new boots. What she wants, she gets. If she gets a horse, I swear. Now, before anyone says anything, I'm not jealous, not one bit. That's her life. I offered to do chores around the house to get allowance to ride twice a week, but no. I can't. I'd pay for it. I actually want to ride Arthur, get the feel of him, but no; he's 'her' horse, as she says. No. At least three other people ride him, and my instructor rides him to help train him a bit better. He's a sensative horse, and she bounces too much when trying to get him to lope, because he starts trotting faster, and her hands go up, which makes him slow down. Not his fault.
I'm sorry guys, I'm just really frustrated. At her, at my riding. I love going to the barn, but I always feel like a failiure, even if I've gotten praise and nothing but good comments from my instructor. The only time I feel I've had a decent lesson, is on Bam Bam, and I don't know why. But he's been lame for over a month now.