The Writers' Guild | All Writers Welcome!

[koolkatkoolkat123]

Hey,i was a little irriated when the rules said i couldn't enter my fanfiction cause thats sorta what i specialize in though i had to write a chapter for school which turned out pretty good.I did a rp based on this.Free free to comment but don't tell me off for forgetting to add a comma or captial letter anywhere.I just want comments on the actual story

Secrets

It was a hot sticky afternoon on the plains. Food was slowly disappearing which mean trouble for Moonlight pride. A herd of gazelle were grazing peacefully by a large clump of bushes. A pair of sapphire blue eyes observed the herd carefully. A long white tail twitched with excitement whenever a fawn came into view. Kimbas mouth watered as she imangined sinking her teeth into a large plump, juicy gazelle. She could already smell fresh meat. Kimba shook her head to dispose of these thoughts. She had to stay focused. Kimba spotted a young doe near her well chosen hiding place. She unsheathed her claws and burst out of the bushes

The doe gave a startled cry, alerting the rest of the herd that a lion was nearby as she ran back. Kimba fell short and tumbled down into the dust. She shook her head and growled. That was the only source of food she had seen for days. She hung her head, tail drooping in the dust. She began to make her way back to the pride. Her paws dragged heavily through the dirt, as she thought about the hungry cubs waiting for their next meal but always having to wait a little longer for it

A lioness with big brown eyes bounded over to meet her sister

"Any luck?" She asked

"No Sarabi" Kimba growled. Kimba looked at her sister for the first time in two days. Sarabis coat was sleek and shiny. Her paws were kneading the ground impaitently and her eyes were bright and happy. Kimba wondered how her sister could be bursting with energy when the rest of the pride could barely move. Suddenly an unfamiliar roar made them both jump. Their father King answered with a more frustrated roar. Kimba knew how he felt. She understood what the roars meant. A challenge for the position of Alpha lion

Kimba was terrified. King was old and weak from hunger. The lion challenging him would be young and stronger. She looked over her shoulder. Sarabi had disappered.

"Probably to hunt" Kimba thought. She went to look for prey. It was vital now that King got food and strength. If not then what would become of King. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Sarabi sneaking about,looking rather suspicious. Determined to find out her sisters secret she followed

[Tiikeria]

The only reason why I said no fanfiction was the fact that not everyone can read a fanfic and know what's going on. Plus, I didn't want to have any fights about "My fandom's better than your fandom!" "Nuh-uh, my fandom kicks your fandom's butt!" so on and so forth. I actually considered creating a separate guild for fanfiction writers. :3

[koolkatkoolkat123]

Makes sense.Anyway what did you think

[Tiikeria]

I really like it. It needs a few grammar tweeks, but nothing major. Now I want to know what happens to the King! And Kimba and Sarabi! XD

[koolkatkoolkat123]

Thanks and just so you know King is the name of the current Alpha Lion of the pride not a rank.The thing is though whenever i try to write the second chapter i get major writers block

[Tiikeria]

Ah, my bad. XD Maybe...hmm...maybe the challenger can run into Kimba? And they could learn a bit about each other? I'm not sure what to offer as an idea, since I have no idea what direction the story is going in. :3

[koolkatkoolkat123]

Yeah,i've sort of sorted out the plot i just can't figure out how to write the next chapter.If i finally manage to overcome my writers block i'll post the next chapter but thats a big IF XD

[Tiikeria]

I really hope you do; I'm interested in reading more. :3

[honeydont]

That's really good, Koolkat. I agree, just a bit of grammar tweaking and you're ready to rock 'n roll! Sorry about your writers block-it's horrible, isn't it? Try going for a walk, or just go somewhere quiet. Maybe you'll get some ideas that way.

[Tiikeria]

I always get my best ideas while listening to music. :3 My NaNo this year is based on an album my fave band released today. XD