Jellybean Dragon Fanclub (JBDFC) Open!

[Lucy.]

Oh, i wouldn't share mine either....they're mine....no stealz.

I think in the context that Darkness is using it, (second sentence) it is meant to be when, but i may be wrong....i just think that you can only get your hand stuck in a door once.

[littlytiny]

Ah well, lost again. Great job Arachnid.

I'm starting to give up, honestly... I would trade all my rares/very rares for a JBD in a heartbeat. Anyone know a way to to that? XD

[SubtleBurn03]

Could someone possibly give me some more crit? All of these forms are great but nerve-wracking -le sigh-

Link

I think it is good, but the part in the story that is

He was in his mid teens whenever he left his job as a blacksmith's assistant and went into work at a factory.

and

He dodged one but whenever he tried to get through the second one, his paw got stuck and the gas ignited from the heat gathering up in the room.

The word whenever should probably be changed to the word when. If you really would like to keep it like that, then that's okay, but it is proper to have when, and it sound better ^^

Alright, thank you ^^ I'll change that.

Could someone possibly give me some more crit? All of these forms are great but nerve-wracking -le sigh-

Link

I think it is good, but the part in the story that is

He was in his mid teens whenever he left his job as a blacksmith's assistant and went into work at a factory.

and

He dodged one but whenever he tried to get through the second one, his paw got stuck and the gas ignited from the heat gathering up in the room.

The word whenever should probably be changed to the word when. If you really would like to keep it like that, then that's okay, but it is proper to have when, and it sound better ^^

As far as I'm aware the second one is correct, no need to take away the 'ever' off of it.

To add to the criticism I find your sentences hard to read, because they are switching from subjects, making the reader a bit confused what you're talking about.

Like for example:

"He was in his mid-teens whenever he left his job as a blacksmith's assistant and went into work at a factory."

I have no idea what you're talking about, so then I'm missing some 'pieces' from the story. ;3

I do actually have a list of names, but I wouldn't share them. ;3;

Thanks you. I'll take that into account but I'm trying to keep it simple since it's supposed to be an explanation, not a story

[Syra]

Ah well, lost again. Great job Arachnid.

I'm starting to give up, honestly... I would trade all my rares/very rares for a JBD in a heartbeat. Anyone know a way to to that? XD

By trading them to order art of the JBD you are trying for and to get people to help you write stories and such for the apps.

[mulder]

Does anyone else have like a sheet of paper just of good JBD names.....

I hope i'm not the only one >o<

Yeap. You betcha x3

And I don't think was seen, please don't kill me:

Derp, crit. for my form on #287?
Laaa~
And congrazzles to Arachnid <33

[littlytiny]

Ah well, lost again. Great job Arachnid.

I'm starting to give up, honestly... I would trade all my rares/very rares for a JBD in a heartbeat. Anyone know a way to to that? XD

By trading them to order art of the JBD you are trying for and to get people to help you write stories and such for the apps.

Well, yes, I'm just scared to do that since I know I'll lose...

[Syra]

Ah well, lost again. Great job Arachnid.

I'm starting to give up, honestly... I would trade all my rares/very rares for a JBD in a heartbeat. Anyone know a way to to that? XD

By trading them to order art of the JBD you are trying for and to get people to help you write stories and such for the apps.

Well, yes, I'm just scared to do that since I know I'll lose...

Well that is the only way of using CS pets to get a JBD.

[c h r i s t m a s]

Need new JBD xD
I dropped ot of 287 after I lost the baby bean...
I reliezed that so many other people deserve him more then me.
I hope a new one comes out soon!

[sparrow]

What I would recommend is doing what Syra said,but ordering from people who already have JBDs,because they are obviously successful.

[littlytiny]

By trading them to order art of the JBD you are trying for and to get people to help you write stories and such for the apps.

Well, yes, I'm just scared to do that since I know I'll lose...

Well that is the only way of using CS pets to get a JBD.

Yes, I know if only...

It sounds lazy, I know. But I wish I could just -poof- pay and get a JBD. But it wouldn't be fair I'll try more effort next time... Can anyone crit my form in the meantime?

Name: her name is Nephele.
Gender: female.
How he/she lost their paw: (Please don't make this too long. 3 paragraphs maximum- we just want a nice explanation not  a story.)
[quote="Nephele]it... It... It was horrible. I was working one day, when a little spark came off an engine I was working on. Well, that was pretty normal, so I continued working. The spark kept going off again, until, once, it lit s small flame. Hm, that wasn't supposed to happen. I examined the flame as it grew bigger, and bigger... I could distantly hear everyone shouting at me to run. I supposed I should. I tried to drop the engine but some sticky substance connected it to my paw. (stupid peanut butter jelly sandwich) "help!"

Everyone just stood there, terrified. I tried shaking it off, prying it off, breaking it off, nothing worked. The flames started creeping towards my paw, and an agony never known before seared it. There was nothing else in the world except the flames, the agony, the fire slowly creeping up my paw...

Hours later, I woke up in a cot with bandages around my paw. Someone was trying to show me a blueprint about some idea concerning making me a new paw out of metal. I was too numb with sadness and shock I merely nodded once they were finished. Now here I am with my metal paw.
Art:

[/quote][/quote][/quote]