Get FREE PETS! EASY!

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Get FREE PETS! EASY!

Postby Dawnstorm111 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:34 am

All you have to do is go to this link and read the story. If you comment or post your username there with some feedback/evidence that you actually read it, I will gift free pets! They may or may not be on wl.
Also, please post on here as well if you can. It makes it easier for other people to see :)
Link: Here
Last edited by Dawnstorm111 on Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
✞ I asked Jesus, "How much do you love me?" Jesus replied, "This much." He stretched his arms on the cross and died. Please put this in your signature if you believe that Jesus died for our sins. ✞
Image Thank you so much Laozsho!
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Re: Get FREE PETS! May or may not be on wl

Postby Dawnstorm111 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:40 am

Dawnstorm111 wrote:All you have to do is go to this link and read the story. If you comment or post your username there with some feedback/evidence that you actually read it, I will gift free pets! They may or may not be on wl.
Also, please post on here as well if you can. It makes it easier for other people to see :)
Link: Here
✞ I asked Jesus, "How much do you love me?" Jesus replied, "This much." He stretched his arms on the cross and died. Please put this in your signature if you believe that Jesus died for our sins. ✞
Image Thank you so much Laozsho!
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Re: Get FREE PETS! EASY!

Postby Dawnstorm111 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:46 am

Dawnstorm111 wrote:All you have to do is go to this link and read the story. If you comment or post your username there with some feedback/evidence that you actually read it, I will gift free pets! They may or may not be on wl.
Also, please post on here as well if you can. It makes it easier for other people to see :)
Link: Here
✞ I asked Jesus, "How much do you love me?" Jesus replied, "This much." He stretched his arms on the cross and died. Please put this in your signature if you believe that Jesus died for our sins. ✞
Image Thank you so much Laozsho!
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Re: Get FREE PETS! May or may not be on wl

Postby Cylence » Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:48 am

Can't seem to find a way to comment there, but I can put some feedback here if that's okay!

I'm intrigued by the concepts of the setting as introduced thus far! I'd be interested to see the history of this world unfold.

That being said, the exposition feels a bit rushed? The main character is thrust into a precarious position in the second part, but we haven't really had enough time to get to know her as a person to really empathize with her, and the danger is all summed up in a couple quick sentences rather than being built up through dialogue and description over time. I might consider taking a little longer to build up the characters and the world before dropping major plot bombshells.

But again, I'm definitely interested by what you've got, I think it has a lot of potential! :3
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Re: Get FREE PETS! May or may not be on wl

Postby Dawnstorm111 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:50 am

Cylence wrote:Can't seem to find a way to comment there, but I can put some feedback here if that's okay!

I'm intrigued by the concepts of the setting as introduced thus far! I'd be interested to see the history of this world unfold.

That being said, the exposition feels a bit rushed? The main character is thrust into a precarious position in the second part, but we haven't really had enough time to get to know her as a person to really empathize with her, and the danger is all summed up in a couple quick sentences rather than being built up through dialogue and description over time. I might consider taking a little longer to build up the characters and the world before dropping major plot bombshells.

But again, I'm definitely interested by what you've got, I think it has a lot of potential! :3


Thanks for the help! Sending the pets now! I'm sorry about that, I'm not a very good writer >.<
✞ I asked Jesus, "How much do you love me?" Jesus replied, "This much." He stretched his arms on the cross and died. Please put this in your signature if you believe that Jesus died for our sins. ✞
Image Thank you so much Laozsho!
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Re: Get FREE PETS! EASY!

Postby Dawnstorm111 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:54 am

Dawnstorm111 wrote:All you have to do is go to this link and read the story. If you comment or post your username there with some feedback/evidence that you actually read it, I will gift free pets! They may or may not be on wl.
Also, please post on here as well if you can. It makes it easier for other people to see :)
Link: Here
✞ I asked Jesus, "How much do you love me?" Jesus replied, "This much." He stretched his arms on the cross and died. Please put this in your signature if you believe that Jesus died for our sins. ✞
Image Thank you so much Laozsho!
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Re: Get FREE PETS! EASY!

Postby Willowshine ~ She » Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:57 am

Love the similes. ^^
Image
ᴡɪʟʟᴏᴡsʜɪɴᴇ ✦ sʜᴇ
ᴀɴxɪᴇᴛʏ ✦ ᴄʜʀɪsᴛɪᴀɴ ✦ sᴛʀᴀɪɢʜᴛ
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ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ʙʀɪɢʜᴛʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ sᴇᴇ ᴀ sᴄᴀʀ ᴏɴᴇ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ's ғᴀᴄᴇ, ɪ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴏғ ᴡɪɴᴅᴄʟᴀɴ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ɪ ᴡɪɴ ᴀ ʀᴀᴄᴇ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ɢᴏᴏsᴇғᴇᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɴᴏʙᴏᴅʏ ʙᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇs ᴍᴇ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ sᴄᴏᴜʀɢᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ's ᴛᴇᴀsᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴛɪɴʏ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ʜᴇᴀᴛʜᴇʀᴛᴀɪʟ ᴡʜᴇɴ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛs ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ 'ᴊᴜsᴛ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs', ɪ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴏғ sᴛᴀʀᴄʟᴀɴ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ ᴀᴍ ɴᴇᴀʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ʟᴇᴀғᴘᴏᴏʟ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ ᴍᴜsᴛ ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ʜᴏʟʟʏʟᴇᴀꜰ ɪꜰ ɪ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜰᴀʟʟ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ʙʀᴀᴍʙʟᴇᴄʟᴀᴡ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ ᴍᴜsᴛ ᴘʀᴏᴠᴇ ᴍʏsᴇʟꜰ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ sᴘᴏᴛᴛᴇᴅʟᴇᴀꜰ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ'ᴍ sᴜꜰꜰᴇʀɪɴɢ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴀᴅ ʜᴇᴀʟᴛʜ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ʟɪᴏɴʙʟᴀᴢᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ ᴀᴍ ꜰᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ sᴛʀᴏɴɢ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴛɪɢᴇʀsᴛᴀʀ ɪꜰ ɪ ᴄʜᴏᴏsᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀᴛʜ ᴛʜᴀᴛ's ᴡʀᴏɴɢ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴅᴏᴠᴇᴡɪɴɢ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ ʜᴇᴀʀ ᴏꜰ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ꜰᴀʀ ᴀᴡᴀʏ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅᴛᴀɪʟ ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴀ ᴋɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ᴄᴀᴛᴄʜᴇs ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ꜰɪʀsᴛ ᴘʀᴇʏ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ꜰᴇᴀᴛʜᴇʀᴛᴀɪʟ ᴡʜᴇɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ɪ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ʙʀᴀᴠᴇ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀɪʙᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ'ᴍ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴄᴀᴠᴇ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴀsʜꜰᴜʀ ᴡʜᴇɴ sᴏᴍᴇʙᴏᴅʏ ʙʀᴇᴀᴋs ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ʙᴀʀʟᴇʏ ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍʏ sɪʙʟɪɴɢs ᴀʀᴇ ꜰᴀʀ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ɪᴠʏᴘᴏᴏʟ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ ᴛʀʏ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇsᴛ, ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ꜰɪʀᴇsᴛᴀʀ ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴍʏ ʟᴏʏᴀʟᴛʏ's ᴘᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴇsᴛ, ɪ ᴘʀᴏᴍɪsᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴀʟʟ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ᴄᴀᴛs, ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇsᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ʟɪꜰᴇ.

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Re: Get FREE PETS! EASY!

Postby Dawnstorm111 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 2:00 am

Willowshine ~ She wrote:Love the similes. ^^

Thanks <3
✞ I asked Jesus, "How much do you love me?" Jesus replied, "This much." He stretched his arms on the cross and died. Please put this in your signature if you believe that Jesus died for our sins. ✞
Image Thank you so much Laozsho!
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Re: Get FREE PETS! EASY!

Postby Kay1342 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 2:00 am

I think its good! Just make sure you're using proper grammar. :)
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Re: Get FREE PETS! EASY!

Postby Dawnstorm111 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 2:02 am

Kay1342 wrote:I think its good! Just make sure you're using proper grammar. :)

GAH where were the grammatical errors??
>.< I once prided myself for having good grammar :(
Thanks for the feedback I'll send the pets soon!
✞ I asked Jesus, "How much do you love me?" Jesus replied, "This much." He stretched his arms on the cross and died. Please put this in your signature if you believe that Jesus died for our sins. ✞
Image Thank you so much Laozsho!
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