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[RudolphRat]

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says, "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said, "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta glazed donuts!"
I said, "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta jelly donuts!"
I said, "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!"
I said, "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
He said, "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!"
I said, "You got any apple fritters?"
He said, "No, we're outta apple fritters!"
I said, "You got any bear claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, I'll go check"
[guitar solo]
"No, we're outta bear claws!"
I said, "Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?"
He says, "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
I said, "Okay, I'll take that"

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[RudolphRat]

How do 37 math teachers board a bus with only 36 seats? They carry the one.
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[RudolphRat]

I have a dad joke about oil, but it's crude
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[RudolphRat]

...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy.” And the LORD did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu...

(“Skip a bit, brother”)

...And the LORD spoke, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.”

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[RudolphRat]

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean

all walk into a steakhouse...

The doorman stops them and says "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai."

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[RudolphRat]

Why do koi travel in groups of four? It’s to protect against predators. When they’re attacked, koi A, B, and C flee in one direction. The other one is the D koi.
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[RudolphRat]

How many optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Is it 1... or 2? 1... or 2?

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[RudolphRat]

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints

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[RudolphRat]

Dogs can't operate computed tomography machines, but cats can.
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[RudolphRat]

Anyone can use my French Revolution joke. It’s royalty free.
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